drowning...

[xglitterbabyx]

 I don't even know how i feel anymore.. all I seem to do lately is hyperventilate, get anxiety attacks and cry. I've felt so alone, no one to talk to IRL or Online and it adds up, you know? Writing scares the shit out of me, i'm terrified to open a fucking word doc because my ideas mock me. I've been stuck in this glass room filed with fog and it's dark and scary and i just.. i hate it. I HATE IT. I have no one, my mother alienates me. even tonight "i don't think you wanna follow your dreams. all you do is sit here on your ass feeling sorry for yourself and be a pathetic loser. you don't want anything." I mean, what the fuck? what the actual fuck? My friends in the fandom leave me, we the ones i spoke to on IM or regularly.. i just.. i can't take it anymore... i've had one official therapy meeting and between having that once a week I'm having an anxiety attack every day that lasts for fucking hours. how do i get rid of them? make them stop? my head is so full of fucking noise and chaos that i don't know where to turn anymore. i'm so lost...

x-posted @ http://bit.ly/wFrjTJ