(no subject)
my head is the worst thing in the fucking world.
i fucking hate myself.
and yeah. this is pretty typical i guess. but i'm almost 20 and this self hate will soon verge into life crisis as oposed to teen depression. so give it a few months, read this again, and it will be appear more deliberated and serious.
i pick one thing. and i run it over and over and over again. and i've a great many things to run over. and all the time in the world, it seems, to grind it repeatedly into the ground.
i'm hurting myself.
i cant make things not matter.
i cant convince myself things will be ok untill i am proven outright that they will be.
prove me wrong. but do it just once.
take your fucking freezer and drive it so far up your fucking ass that it really fucking hurts.
i really do want it to fucking hurt. i might even wish bleeding upon you. i wish that you bleed.
from the ass.
i fucking emptied and refilled that thing all day, filled with bitter resentment for all things unrelated to the task at hand.
you owe me more than i'll get at the end of the week. you do.
so bleed. from your fucking ass.
and here is the thing. wishing pain on something completly unrelated but needing an outlet that an angry song might. but songs get repetitive and only last 3 minutes or so. and left in the dark alone in a bed running and re-running thoughts over and over again in my head. i inflict the freezer up the ass pain on myself.
i hurt myself.
i bleed from my own ass.
i will no doubt take my frustration out on many more things to come so stay tuned. for when i decide to stick a freezer up a tree's ass for blowing too loudly, an old ladies ass for being too old, a cars ass for being too loud, any old fucking thing for being too fucking...thingy.
but as long as the freezer gets forced in these things asses other than my own. maybe i'll get through this.
i am in love though. and with that, i'm sure when you do read this over again in a few months, it will be many worlds worth of nothing.
i fucking hate myself.
and yeah. this is pretty typical i guess. but i'm almost 20 and this self hate will soon verge into life crisis as oposed to teen depression. so give it a few months, read this again, and it will be appear more deliberated and serious.
i pick one thing. and i run it over and over and over again. and i've a great many things to run over. and all the time in the world, it seems, to grind it repeatedly into the ground.
i'm hurting myself.
i cant make things not matter.
i cant convince myself things will be ok untill i am proven outright that they will be.
prove me wrong. but do it just once.
take your fucking freezer and drive it so far up your fucking ass that it really fucking hurts.
i really do want it to fucking hurt. i might even wish bleeding upon you. i wish that you bleed.
from the ass.
i fucking emptied and refilled that thing all day, filled with bitter resentment for all things unrelated to the task at hand.
you owe me more than i'll get at the end of the week. you do.
so bleed. from your fucking ass.
and here is the thing. wishing pain on something completly unrelated but needing an outlet that an angry song might. but songs get repetitive and only last 3 minutes or so. and left in the dark alone in a bed running and re-running thoughts over and over again in my head. i inflict the freezer up the ass pain on myself.
i hurt myself.
i bleed from my own ass.
i will no doubt take my frustration out on many more things to come so stay tuned. for when i decide to stick a freezer up a tree's ass for blowing too loudly, an old ladies ass for being too old, a cars ass for being too loud, any old fucking thing for being too fucking...thingy.
but as long as the freezer gets forced in these things asses other than my own. maybe i'll get through this.
i am in love though. and with that, i'm sure when you do read this over again in a few months, it will be many worlds worth of nothing.