(no subject)
Allright. In coming to the realisation for about the 123rd time tonight, that i have the worst job in the world. i decided to make something of it, while i make so little out of myself. how do you suppose i do this? dictate every singal exciting event in livejournal. because essentially livejournal is like the internet equivelent of time magazine. and what better magazine to get anything published in than time magazine.
I dont know about you, but from here on in i am discarding my anti-work ethic and propelling myself, and my occupation, into fascinating hights of entertainment and adrenallen. no longer will i wake up tired, unmotivated and most of all suicidal, from here on in i plan to open my eyes to every morning with a grin, prepared to tackle the rollercoaster that is Part-Time employment at Woolworths.
I hear you all. "what the fuck could possibly happen at a supermarket thats worth publishing in the internet equivelent of time magazine". well for all you nay sayers you can fuck right off. alot of shit goes down. and its right about here where your fancy boy ass hugging poofter pants pull just a little too tight and your scrotum blows up in a whole fuckload of proved wrong...
...so on with todays article...
Woolworths - "would you like a bag for this?"
I'm at home. work beckons not 15 minutes later. but now, right now, i'm encrusted in a thick layer of self loathing and despair. pacing my room in full work attire i question my position at woolworths. i discard all its worth in silent protest, treading each new square of my grass green carpet in contempt. time moves alot quicker in this state, and so before i know it my teams colours, green red and white, are eternally abound in all directions. but...i thought when i reached hell, i'd only see red. i take my usual baggage to my locker. check my combover. drink my obligatory glass of water, and attend my register. 14 to be exact.
Now often this is the worst moment of my day. a full shift ahead of you, just waiting for the first of hundreds of customers to come filling in your aisle proposing all kinds of twisted packing preferences and generally just being a real peice of shit assed human being. dont get me wrong. i can totally come to terms that all these people are probably better than me. but today, none of you are worth the shit on my two shoes. and so it begins...
*BEEP*
"do you want a bag for this?" i utter quietly, receeding into my early stages of quiet dissaproval of my station in life.
"ummm...yeah...ahhhh...nah...its..." and it stops about here. i dont hear anything anymore. people often ask whether the sounds of the scanners, the constant bustling of a busy superstore, bothers me, but they never receive an answer because honest to god i've attained this ability to tune every single sound, action, reaction, responce, movement, right the fuck out. and so i begin to think. i think upon many a things, and often is the case that its many a thing about one single thing. i wont expand on this as it rarely changes as of late and to get into it wouldnt make much sense at all. but my point has been made...
although i've advanced certain abilities and can find some reclusive comfort in my own head, if thats what you want to call it (comfort has never been more debateable), often is the case that a few events will shake me out of my caccoon and rape my eyes with the bloody fact that i am still at work.
"i've a fully loaded assualy rifle in my jacket..." slowly bellowed the burly man, obviously a customer, obviously dissatisfied.
"oh...really?" i replied.
"yeah...really...i want whats in the till, i want whats in my trolley, i want it for free...but above all else...i want the crystal stream" the customer continued quite quickly after my responce.
"the ummm...yeah hang on a second...the what?" i speak calmly, unsure as to what i'd just heard.
"the crystal stream. dont cut my wires tie boy, you know of what i speak, and if you dont want my automatic weapon to start speakin' too, you better take me to it."
I'd be about damn right confused right aboue...here. i mean, the till, sure, he could have that. its of no concern to me and we are often urged to give the customers what they want. but this crystal stream had me a minor bit confused. i decided to stay on this thought for a while. i'd decided i didnt want the assault rifle to start talking, as i was pretty sure this man didnt have a talking gun at all, but meant he was prepared to shoot me in the face. so all that occured to me was that i must retreive this man his, or our...crystal stream.
i start, "hang on sir, i'll just ding my bell a little and wake the attention of my supervisor"
*DING DING*
*ding*
"should be here in no time, sir" at this point i'm pretty darn tired allready, not half an hour into my shift, and this discomfort of having an armed customer looking for something of what i had no idea about didnt bother me in slitest. hell, if this dude actually found this crystal stream, i want one too.
And so we wait.
Oh here she comes.
I dont remember peoples names well and i damn well dont remember my supervisors. she's female though. so i'd say her character is developed well enough at this point for this story to steam ahead.
supervisor, "whats wrong bill?"
i reply "ahhh...its haydon...but you know...close enough...this man wants a crystal stream...could i have one too?"
the look on my supervisors face grew surpisngly pale. i assumed it was because these crystal stream things were darn heavy, and the idea of bringing two to my register at once was quite the daunting task indeed.
i decide to break her silence, "yeah...you know, just two crystal streams please"
she finally speaks, "bill...be quiet" she looks past me and at the armed customer, "ahhh sir...i'm going to have to ask you to leave..."
I'd forgotten to mention that this customers temper looked to be worn short at birth, and so at this point and possibly many points ago, he'd done away with his jacket that concealed his weapon and he'd decided to just whip that baby out with gay abandon.
he starts to yell. "I WONT BE LEAVING. I'VE SEARCHED THROUGH MANY TIMES AND PLACES TO RETREIVE THE CRYSTAL STREAM. SO YOU'RE TO RETREIVE IT. OR BE GONE!!!!"
well here is about where i start to feel a little sad. the way he's talking it seems there is only one crystal stream. this is upsetting. i really wanted one. this starts becoming much to much for me to handle and i ask my supervisor if i can have my tea break.
she croons forward and whispers into my ear. "take it...and leave, save yourself"
i dont say anything in reply, but i guess this meant my shift was over and i was pretty down with that.
"hey do i still get my full shifts wage? that'd be cool because like...i've only been here for about 45 minutes. and hey if you see any other crystal streams, you know, just lying out the back there, put one away for me. i want one. lots."
I hang up my sign and kind of awkwardly squeeze past the customer who'se bulky build is stubborn and very much in my way. as i'm heading into the tea room to grab my stuff and go home. i think to myself how much better today has been to all the other days. and how really fantastic my job is. i'd considered altering your perception of what you think of as bad things to be quite the cop out. today it seems to have fixed any problem just about fine. hell, i was heading home not 4 hours earlier than expected, and if there were any spare crystal streams out the back, whatever the hell they are, i'd be getting one.
I dont know about you, but from here on in i am discarding my anti-work ethic and propelling myself, and my occupation, into fascinating hights of entertainment and adrenallen. no longer will i wake up tired, unmotivated and most of all suicidal, from here on in i plan to open my eyes to every morning with a grin, prepared to tackle the rollercoaster that is Part-Time employment at Woolworths.
I hear you all. "what the fuck could possibly happen at a supermarket thats worth publishing in the internet equivelent of time magazine". well for all you nay sayers you can fuck right off. alot of shit goes down. and its right about here where your fancy boy ass hugging poofter pants pull just a little too tight and your scrotum blows up in a whole fuckload of proved wrong...
...so on with todays article...
Woolworths - "would you like a bag for this?"
I'm at home. work beckons not 15 minutes later. but now, right now, i'm encrusted in a thick layer of self loathing and despair. pacing my room in full work attire i question my position at woolworths. i discard all its worth in silent protest, treading each new square of my grass green carpet in contempt. time moves alot quicker in this state, and so before i know it my teams colours, green red and white, are eternally abound in all directions. but...i thought when i reached hell, i'd only see red. i take my usual baggage to my locker. check my combover. drink my obligatory glass of water, and attend my register. 14 to be exact.
Now often this is the worst moment of my day. a full shift ahead of you, just waiting for the first of hundreds of customers to come filling in your aisle proposing all kinds of twisted packing preferences and generally just being a real peice of shit assed human being. dont get me wrong. i can totally come to terms that all these people are probably better than me. but today, none of you are worth the shit on my two shoes. and so it begins...
*BEEP*
"do you want a bag for this?" i utter quietly, receeding into my early stages of quiet dissaproval of my station in life.
"ummm...yeah...ahhhh...nah...its..." and it stops about here. i dont hear anything anymore. people often ask whether the sounds of the scanners, the constant bustling of a busy superstore, bothers me, but they never receive an answer because honest to god i've attained this ability to tune every single sound, action, reaction, responce, movement, right the fuck out. and so i begin to think. i think upon many a things, and often is the case that its many a thing about one single thing. i wont expand on this as it rarely changes as of late and to get into it wouldnt make much sense at all. but my point has been made...
although i've advanced certain abilities and can find some reclusive comfort in my own head, if thats what you want to call it (comfort has never been more debateable), often is the case that a few events will shake me out of my caccoon and rape my eyes with the bloody fact that i am still at work.
"i've a fully loaded assualy rifle in my jacket..." slowly bellowed the burly man, obviously a customer, obviously dissatisfied.
"oh...really?" i replied.
"yeah...really...i want whats in the till, i want whats in my trolley, i want it for free...but above all else...i want the crystal stream" the customer continued quite quickly after my responce.
"the ummm...yeah hang on a second...the what?" i speak calmly, unsure as to what i'd just heard.
"the crystal stream. dont cut my wires tie boy, you know of what i speak, and if you dont want my automatic weapon to start speakin' too, you better take me to it."
I'd be about damn right confused right aboue...here. i mean, the till, sure, he could have that. its of no concern to me and we are often urged to give the customers what they want. but this crystal stream had me a minor bit confused. i decided to stay on this thought for a while. i'd decided i didnt want the assault rifle to start talking, as i was pretty sure this man didnt have a talking gun at all, but meant he was prepared to shoot me in the face. so all that occured to me was that i must retreive this man his, or our...crystal stream.
i start, "hang on sir, i'll just ding my bell a little and wake the attention of my supervisor"
*DING DING*
*ding*
"should be here in no time, sir" at this point i'm pretty darn tired allready, not half an hour into my shift, and this discomfort of having an armed customer looking for something of what i had no idea about didnt bother me in slitest. hell, if this dude actually found this crystal stream, i want one too.
And so we wait.
Oh here she comes.
I dont remember peoples names well and i damn well dont remember my supervisors. she's female though. so i'd say her character is developed well enough at this point for this story to steam ahead.
supervisor, "whats wrong bill?"
i reply "ahhh...its haydon...but you know...close enough...this man wants a crystal stream...could i have one too?"
the look on my supervisors face grew surpisngly pale. i assumed it was because these crystal stream things were darn heavy, and the idea of bringing two to my register at once was quite the daunting task indeed.
i decide to break her silence, "yeah...you know, just two crystal streams please"
she finally speaks, "bill...be quiet" she looks past me and at the armed customer, "ahhh sir...i'm going to have to ask you to leave..."
I'd forgotten to mention that this customers temper looked to be worn short at birth, and so at this point and possibly many points ago, he'd done away with his jacket that concealed his weapon and he'd decided to just whip that baby out with gay abandon.
he starts to yell. "I WONT BE LEAVING. I'VE SEARCHED THROUGH MANY TIMES AND PLACES TO RETREIVE THE CRYSTAL STREAM. SO YOU'RE TO RETREIVE IT. OR BE GONE!!!!"
well here is about where i start to feel a little sad. the way he's talking it seems there is only one crystal stream. this is upsetting. i really wanted one. this starts becoming much to much for me to handle and i ask my supervisor if i can have my tea break.
she croons forward and whispers into my ear. "take it...and leave, save yourself"
i dont say anything in reply, but i guess this meant my shift was over and i was pretty down with that.
"hey do i still get my full shifts wage? that'd be cool because like...i've only been here for about 45 minutes. and hey if you see any other crystal streams, you know, just lying out the back there, put one away for me. i want one. lots."
I hang up my sign and kind of awkwardly squeeze past the customer who'se bulky build is stubborn and very much in my way. as i'm heading into the tea room to grab my stuff and go home. i think to myself how much better today has been to all the other days. and how really fantastic my job is. i'd considered altering your perception of what you think of as bad things to be quite the cop out. today it seems to have fixed any problem just about fine. hell, i was heading home not 4 hours earlier than expected, and if there were any spare crystal streams out the back, whatever the hell they are, i'd be getting one.