No Subject
I didn't want the title of survivor of domestic violence. I didn't even know it was happening until I tried to leave. I didn't know until the second time I was corned in a room with only one door yelling "just let me out, just let me out" at my ex. I didn't know that the stuff she started with me wasn't about the plate she wanted.
I can factually put things together. I can read the domestic violence hotline page and prove it to myself. I did all of those things when I was finally safe at home last night. What I can't do currently is fix the way I feel toward myself about not seeing it or doing something about it sooner. I am angry that I feel so upset, even though it's justified. I am sick of sleeping on floors and in other people's houses while trying to get away. To get a new job, to get out of the state, to keep myself safe. I am still sleeping on floors. Hopefully just until Sept 1. I am tired, worn out, sad, hurt and lonely. Except strangely lonely for someone who understands me. I haven't been able to sit around without someone else near me for a long time.
I guess that's it for now.
I can factually put things together. I can read the domestic violence hotline page and prove it to myself. I did all of those things when I was finally safe at home last night. What I can't do currently is fix the way I feel toward myself about not seeing it or doing something about it sooner. I am angry that I feel so upset, even though it's justified. I am sick of sleeping on floors and in other people's houses while trying to get away. To get a new job, to get out of the state, to keep myself safe. I am still sleeping on floors. Hopefully just until Sept 1. I am tired, worn out, sad, hurt and lonely. Except strangely lonely for someone who understands me. I haven't been able to sit around without someone else near me for a long time.
I guess that's it for now.