When vampires fail you
My WIP and I are going through issues right now. We are working them out...separately...and currently not on speaking terms. I don't know how long we're going to glare at each other from across the room. The WIP isn't dead to me, per se, but he's on life support at the moment. (Just got off the AW boards where we were talking about dead manuscripts. A lot of medical analogies were thrown around, so pardon the dramatic sounds of above. I have not been having that great of a week.)
What's a girl to do? She--me in this case--finishes reading The Vampire Diaries: The Struggle. I'm going to say it here, on LJ, on the internet tubes where someone can dig it out if I ever become a successful writer to mock me with: I prefer The Vampire Diaries over Twilight. Before the firing squad preps their rifles, let me say that VD is the lesser of two evils. Dracula will forever be the best vampire novel, period. Respect your classics, people.
For starters, more stuff happens in The Vampire Diaries. It is not 1,000+ pages of the female lead talking about how God-like their vampire boyfriend is, how she wants to jump him, and she doesn't want to get ooooold. Sure both girls have their squee moments, but Elena is a little more sensible about her fawning. Bella just whines on about Edward being too good-looking to like her, how she wants to jump his cold corpse, and she's getting too ooooold. Elena knows she's a catch and whines about sexy, handsome, mysterious Stefan not recognizing how beautiful she is. On the female narrative scale, Elena would beat Bella up for her lunch money--because she can. I don't like the vapid pool that is Bella. Her sarcasm is welcomed, but it appears too far and in-between to mark it as a personality trait. Elena's got 'tude and she's not afraid to tell Stefan's hot, older vamp brother, Damon, to screw himself. I detest what they've done to Elena in the television series, considering what happens in The Struggle. Dear Kevin Williamson, do not dull Elena down into a mannequin. You have been warned.
All that said, I'm on vampire overdose. Passed overdose--I think I've died of all things vampire related. Not good. I love vampires. Vampires are my favorite of the monsters. I remember in my grade school's library having these books for each one of the Hollywood monsters of the '30's and '40's (Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, The Invisible Man, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, etc.) I borrowed them all eventually; but I always returned to the one on Dracula. That was my first introduction into vampires, and I've never let go. I might just with the way vampires are being treated.
This is what I'm sick of:
1. Mortal girl falls for dark-sexy-brooding vampire boy. I got it. You need to connect with the narrator and it cannot be a dead person. I do not know who made the rule and why it's being enforced. I have to only say it's people being lazy and realizing it worked for so-and-so, it's gonna work for me. Please stop it, unless you're going to change the dynamic. Let's have at least one chapter where the girl turns away in disgust at seeing her boyfriend sucking down blood like it's the filling of a Twinkie. It's not kinky--it's unsanitary.
2. Vampire does not drink human blood and can sustain himself on animal blood. This right here irritates me more than anything with these vampire tales. Dracula had no nice vampires! He needed to drink human blood to survive! It was the life he was after, not because he was parch! Your vamp can still drink human blood and girls will think he's hot! Look at Dracula, Lestat, and Spike (before he got that chip in his head)! Plenty of girls wanted to do them! Give the bloodsuckers a fucking human for crying out loud! Drinking Bambi out in the woods makes him look like a pussy. It really, really does.
3. Were-motherfucking-wolves. It's done, it's over. Dracula and The Wolf Man met in 1948. Count D. also met Abbott and Costello; and yet I don't see two comedians hanging out in any of these books. No, I am not at the point of The Vampire Diaries where the werewolves come into play. Given the teaser at the end of The Struggle, I may not finish the series. L.J. Smith, I am not happy with the Elena-Stefan-Damon reversal of roles you create in the first chapter of The Fury. Back to the furballs: I really hate this crossover. I don't like werewolves in general. Stop making me have to pay attention to them in my vampire books. Dracula controlled wolves--not werewolves, Van Helsing and Underworld. There was no mention of werewolves within Bram Stoker's novel.
4. The bloody love triangle. As if dating a vampire wasn't bad enough, the poor human girl needs to contend with another suitor. He may or may not be of the supernatural genetics. Chances are he is, for maximum angst. Let's drop the love triangle. You can explore the issues with dating a vampire without showing the other option a girl could find herself with. Can a vampire contract a sexual transmitted disease through their feeding? If your vampire boyfriend sneaks into another girl's room to feed off her, is it considered cheating? Does not being able to spend any time on the beach, Funhouse of Mirrors in a carnival, or eating Italian food put a strain on a girl and vampire's relationship? Those are the issues I care about. Not OMG! I love two guys! My life sucks! Bitch, please.
The worse thing, though, is I feel like I can never write my own vampire novel. I have one. I started to write it a couple years ago, right before Twilight mania hit. It would be a trilogy. Similar to Twilight in one way, it would untimely be the anti-Twilight. No kosher vampires, no werewolves, no fucking love triangle. No love on one of the ends, for that matter. I can never write that story because I couldn't live with it being compared to all the other mortal girl and vampire boy stories there are.
Or maybe I could. A lot of publishers believed vampires were over, until the-series-that-shall-not-be-named came along. Given the many vampire stories out there, I don't believe vampires will ever go out of style. They just need a new direction. I feel like it’s time for them to be stripped of their lovable, fluffy ways and put back to where and how they were originally written to act. Everybody loves a good, bad vampire in the end.
What's a girl to do? She--me in this case--finishes reading The Vampire Diaries: The Struggle. I'm going to say it here, on LJ, on the internet tubes where someone can dig it out if I ever become a successful writer to mock me with: I prefer The Vampire Diaries over Twilight. Before the firing squad preps their rifles, let me say that VD is the lesser of two evils. Dracula will forever be the best vampire novel, period. Respect your classics, people.
For starters, more stuff happens in The Vampire Diaries. It is not 1,000+ pages of the female lead talking about how God-like their vampire boyfriend is, how she wants to jump him, and she doesn't want to get ooooold. Sure both girls have their squee moments, but Elena is a little more sensible about her fawning. Bella just whines on about Edward being too good-looking to like her, how she wants to jump his cold corpse, and she's getting too ooooold. Elena knows she's a catch and whines about sexy, handsome, mysterious Stefan not recognizing how beautiful she is. On the female narrative scale, Elena would beat Bella up for her lunch money--because she can. I don't like the vapid pool that is Bella. Her sarcasm is welcomed, but it appears too far and in-between to mark it as a personality trait. Elena's got 'tude and she's not afraid to tell Stefan's hot, older vamp brother, Damon, to screw himself. I detest what they've done to Elena in the television series, considering what happens in The Struggle. Dear Kevin Williamson, do not dull Elena down into a mannequin. You have been warned.
All that said, I'm on vampire overdose. Passed overdose--I think I've died of all things vampire related. Not good. I love vampires. Vampires are my favorite of the monsters. I remember in my grade school's library having these books for each one of the Hollywood monsters of the '30's and '40's (Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, The Invisible Man, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, etc.) I borrowed them all eventually; but I always returned to the one on Dracula. That was my first introduction into vampires, and I've never let go. I might just with the way vampires are being treated.
This is what I'm sick of:
1. Mortal girl falls for dark-sexy-brooding vampire boy. I got it. You need to connect with the narrator and it cannot be a dead person. I do not know who made the rule and why it's being enforced. I have to only say it's people being lazy and realizing it worked for so-and-so, it's gonna work for me. Please stop it, unless you're going to change the dynamic. Let's have at least one chapter where the girl turns away in disgust at seeing her boyfriend sucking down blood like it's the filling of a Twinkie. It's not kinky--it's unsanitary.
2. Vampire does not drink human blood and can sustain himself on animal blood. This right here irritates me more than anything with these vampire tales. Dracula had no nice vampires! He needed to drink human blood to survive! It was the life he was after, not because he was parch! Your vamp can still drink human blood and girls will think he's hot! Look at Dracula, Lestat, and Spike (before he got that chip in his head)! Plenty of girls wanted to do them! Give the bloodsuckers a fucking human for crying out loud! Drinking Bambi out in the woods makes him look like a pussy. It really, really does.
3. Were-motherfucking-wolves. It's done, it's over. Dracula and The Wolf Man met in 1948. Count D. also met Abbott and Costello; and yet I don't see two comedians hanging out in any of these books. No, I am not at the point of The Vampire Diaries where the werewolves come into play. Given the teaser at the end of The Struggle, I may not finish the series. L.J. Smith, I am not happy with the Elena-Stefan-Damon reversal of roles you create in the first chapter of The Fury. Back to the furballs: I really hate this crossover. I don't like werewolves in general. Stop making me have to pay attention to them in my vampire books. Dracula controlled wolves--not werewolves, Van Helsing and Underworld. There was no mention of werewolves within Bram Stoker's novel.
4. The bloody love triangle. As if dating a vampire wasn't bad enough, the poor human girl needs to contend with another suitor. He may or may not be of the supernatural genetics. Chances are he is, for maximum angst. Let's drop the love triangle. You can explore the issues with dating a vampire without showing the other option a girl could find herself with. Can a vampire contract a sexual transmitted disease through their feeding? If your vampire boyfriend sneaks into another girl's room to feed off her, is it considered cheating? Does not being able to spend any time on the beach, Funhouse of Mirrors in a carnival, or eating Italian food put a strain on a girl and vampire's relationship? Those are the issues I care about. Not OMG! I love two guys! My life sucks! Bitch, please.
The worse thing, though, is I feel like I can never write my own vampire novel. I have one. I started to write it a couple years ago, right before Twilight mania hit. It would be a trilogy. Similar to Twilight in one way, it would untimely be the anti-Twilight. No kosher vampires, no werewolves, no fucking love triangle. No love on one of the ends, for that matter. I can never write that story because I couldn't live with it being compared to all the other mortal girl and vampire boy stories there are.
Or maybe I could. A lot of publishers believed vampires were over, until the-series-that-shall-not-be-named came along. Given the many vampire stories out there, I don't believe vampires will ever go out of style. They just need a new direction. I feel like it’s time for them to be stripped of their lovable, fluffy ways and put back to where and how they were originally written to act. Everybody loves a good, bad vampire in the end.