(no subject)
I decided while writing a tediously long blog on my website a couple of hours ago to get a Live Journal, and here it is! I was thinking that I should use it simply to write more personal rants, not unlike the one I wrote earlier... more detail could be put in this journal though... that was the general idea. Here is the blog that inspired me to get a Live Journal...
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Do you have any idea how badly I want this right now? Do you have any idea how much this would cheer me up? It probably wouldn't completely make me feel better because it is only a small part of what is wrong with me, but hey, at least I would feel needed... and special. That is a start.
I hate feeling like this... I hate writing about this even more. Not because I don't think it's a good idea to let my feelings out - hell, isn't that the best thing to do when you're feeling shit - but because I get critized for it. Well... fuck you. Why should I have to listen to anyone who tells me not to express myself when I need to, or tell me to get over it because it's the same with everyone. That's unfair. Why should I have to feel selfish and guilty about being unhappy and saying that I feel unhappy? Why can't I care about my life if other people are allowed to care about theirs?
So what's up? Well I feel like shit, that's all. Again. And you know what? I feel guilty just typing that. Is that fair? It doesn't matter. I'm just not a happy person alot of the time, even though I probably should be. Honestly, I really cannot stand myself. I feel constantly guilty, and at the moment confused as well. I hate the way I look. I get all upset every time I look into the mirror, especially full-length mirrors. I have bad habits that I wish I could stop. I feel like I am not good enough for anyone, and probably never will be. I feel that I have no real friends. I think people are always talking/bitching about me behind my back. I think that people avoid me. I have phenominally bad luck with boys. I feel incredibly lonely. I keep so many secrets. I hate the way I am. I'm a complete perfectionist. I'm obsessive. I'm overly, sometimes crazily paranoid.
Of course there is the other part of me. The confident me. The me that has so much to be proud of. The me who appreciates everyone and everything. The mature me that dislikes fighting and hating. The generally happy me. Sometimes I am not sure whether this part is a mask or whether it is real. Of course it is real, but it just likes to hide. It's ascared of the dark.
I cannot believe I am in such an emotional slump right now, considering how happy I was very early last week. This sucks. I'm sorry about the terribly long entry... I haven't even gone into details about any of these things though. Maybe I should get a livejournal for this kind of ranting... Oh, in approximately six months I will turn 18. Just thought I'd mention that. Good night!
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Now go give my website some love... I may have gotten a Live Journal but it's my website that has the biggest priority. Plus it looks better! <3
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Do you have any idea how badly I want this right now? Do you have any idea how much this would cheer me up? It probably wouldn't completely make me feel better because it is only a small part of what is wrong with me, but hey, at least I would feel needed... and special. That is a start.
I hate feeling like this... I hate writing about this even more. Not because I don't think it's a good idea to let my feelings out - hell, isn't that the best thing to do when you're feeling shit - but because I get critized for it. Well... fuck you. Why should I have to listen to anyone who tells me not to express myself when I need to, or tell me to get over it because it's the same with everyone. That's unfair. Why should I have to feel selfish and guilty about being unhappy and saying that I feel unhappy? Why can't I care about my life if other people are allowed to care about theirs?
So what's up? Well I feel like shit, that's all. Again. And you know what? I feel guilty just typing that. Is that fair? It doesn't matter. I'm just not a happy person alot of the time, even though I probably should be. Honestly, I really cannot stand myself. I feel constantly guilty, and at the moment confused as well. I hate the way I look. I get all upset every time I look into the mirror, especially full-length mirrors. I have bad habits that I wish I could stop. I feel like I am not good enough for anyone, and probably never will be. I feel that I have no real friends. I think people are always talking/bitching about me behind my back. I think that people avoid me. I have phenominally bad luck with boys. I feel incredibly lonely. I keep so many secrets. I hate the way I am. I'm a complete perfectionist. I'm obsessive. I'm overly, sometimes crazily paranoid.
Of course there is the other part of me. The confident me. The me that has so much to be proud of. The me who appreciates everyone and everything. The mature me that dislikes fighting and hating. The generally happy me. Sometimes I am not sure whether this part is a mask or whether it is real. Of course it is real, but it just likes to hide. It's ascared of the dark.
I cannot believe I am in such an emotional slump right now, considering how happy I was very early last week. This sucks. I'm sorry about the terribly long entry... I haven't even gone into details about any of these things though. Maybe I should get a livejournal for this kind of ranting... Oh, in approximately six months I will turn 18. Just thought I'd mention that. Good night!
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Now go give my website some love... I may have gotten a Live Journal but it's my website that has the biggest priority. Plus it looks better! <3