(no subject)
merh... i dont know what to put here. im just a wreck, i sat on my roof, looked at the sky and cried, i cried for 3 hours, cuase of everything. Lauren, amie, virginia, and everybody else that ive fucked over, and then i cried for the person that ive become, im so fucking horrible, i do the worst shit to people, and then it always comes back to me and it kicks me in the ass 5 tiems as bad. and about lauren, she was an awesome freind, and then i was stupid for pursuing something that i shouldnt have botthered with in the first place, and then i lost her, and i lost Virginia, and i was a dick to amie, so shes mad at me too. i hate emotions. even my therapist told me tha tim suicidal and that im emotionaly unstable. so that shows why im so fucked up in the head. i wish i wasnt such a fucked up kid, i wish i could read my emotions just like every other normal person does. i just want to apologize to everyone for anything i have ever done to make you feel bad or did something to you. i want to say im sorry to lauren for not listening, even tho she doesnt care, there is something about lauren that i just cant let go of and everyday i see her, and then i come home and i fucking cry my eyes becuase of all the hurt that i brought her, i told her that i wouldnt hurt her and i did, there for i had to hurt myself, she told me to cut deeper so i did... im such an idiot, even tho im not happy, i just want to make sure that everyone else, cuase i dont fucking matter, and people tell me to kill myself, what fucking difference does it make if i take my own goddamn life? i mean yeah people say they are gonna miss me, but if the people that hate me, hate me, then they wont fucking care, they will just be happy that im gone and not here to make thier lives harder. whatever im just so sick of everything that is going on it seems that i do nothing right, right now my mom hates me she even told me so, she said that adopting me was the biggest mistake of her life, my dad kicked the shit out me the other day, and now that i need freinds the most its like i have none, its like i dont even exsist anymore, so for me, its back to square one, being a loser with no freinds. but then again ive delt with having no freinds for what years now ever since i moved to LC ive been the loser, the outcast, the person that everyone things is weird, i have ntohing going for me, im not smart, im not attractive, i fuck thigns up, i look like an idiot everyday, i dont fucking drive, i mean no wonder why nobody likes me. well fuck this im gonna go cry some more, after al its what ive done all my fucking life and its not getting any better.