(no subject)
i just spent about half an hour writing this fucking thing and it fucked up and deleted it. bad fucking mood.
everyones putting so much pressure on me.. like expects so much from me, and when i cant deliver they treat me like im some fucking retard. ok so i did 2 biology mocks last week, thought id done ok on one and was quite pleased with how it went.. other was a bit fucked but i didnt do much work for it. so they came back today, and the one i worked for, i got 1 fucking % above a D.. and everyone got like As.. i even did better in the other exam so only a C compared with everyone else's As, but its still fucking better.
my tutor is so fucking patronising she treats me like some dumb incompetent 12 year old kid.. she always talks down to me and takes the piss out of me if i dont understand something.. theres not even any point in trying anymore its so fucked up i just want her to leave so i may actually have a chance of doing semi alright in the end exam. so i now know what i have to realise revise.. but theres no fucking way i learn the whole years shit in about 4/5 weeks. maybe im worrying about shit for nothing, but now my rents are going on about how i obviously havent been working and how i need to go back and check.. well of course i need to fucknig do that. if you get something wrong you learn from your mistakes and you do it the right way.. i learnt that in fucking nursery.
but i cant drop the subject i dont understand because the others dont have as much 'credibility'.. so i have to do another year of something i dont understand just so i can fail the end exam and is that really gonna be better than a B or something in a subject with less 'credibility'? no i dont think so..
this is so lame but fuck it.. i cried yesterday because my best mate broke up wiht her boyfriend.. i dont know if it was the whole thing in itself, or just because i hate her being upset. i hate people being upset especially if i really care about them if i know theres nothing i can do to help.. its so weird thinking that its never gonna be just them again.. its always THEM just him and her together all the time.. theyr like starsky and hutch *original* its not the same, you cant have one without the other.. and now when i lose her *cos shes soo small* i cant go ask him where she is il just have to look :(
so eyah on a happier note.. today wasnt so bad as far as mondays go, even though theres still that feeling that theres another 4 days to go of college and early mornings and work. and only 5 days till st nicotine nici day :D i dont even know why we are doing all this.. it seems kidna lame, apart from theres like a whole day and night dedicated to me yey :D
i always seem to mess things up though i swear itl backfire in our faces like everything does and the whole night will go horribly wrong.. like saturday.. ok so it wasnt that bad.. but i came up really quickly.. and therefore came down really quickly.. i was soo tired by the end i couldnt fucking move i just wanted to go to bed and sleep like forever. i thought maybe i had something going for me at last, maybe something could possibly go my way for once.. but no i think i fucked it up again.. i dont know what it is with me but i always seem to manage it.. i tink im destined to be a lonely reclusive spinster (i dont know if 'reclusive' is a word). anyway saw someone saturday i havent seen for ages in city.. and this person asked me when he could take me for a drink.. but im kinda put off by the fact that someone else has slept with him recently.. not that im gona be malicious, i only give as good as i get, but i dont think id be able to touch him after that :S and we all know who i dont like.. and we all know what im saying is reasonable.. to a certain extent :S
i have a load of coursework to do for psychology, so i need to find some people to do my experiment on so i can finally get round to writing it up, maybe i should ge the plan etc written up first..
dani gemma lulu sam nige everyone else.. thankyou
xx
everyones putting so much pressure on me.. like expects so much from me, and when i cant deliver they treat me like im some fucking retard. ok so i did 2 biology mocks last week, thought id done ok on one and was quite pleased with how it went.. other was a bit fucked but i didnt do much work for it. so they came back today, and the one i worked for, i got 1 fucking % above a D.. and everyone got like As.. i even did better in the other exam so only a C compared with everyone else's As, but its still fucking better.
my tutor is so fucking patronising she treats me like some dumb incompetent 12 year old kid.. she always talks down to me and takes the piss out of me if i dont understand something.. theres not even any point in trying anymore its so fucked up i just want her to leave so i may actually have a chance of doing semi alright in the end exam. so i now know what i have to realise revise.. but theres no fucking way i learn the whole years shit in about 4/5 weeks. maybe im worrying about shit for nothing, but now my rents are going on about how i obviously havent been working and how i need to go back and check.. well of course i need to fucknig do that. if you get something wrong you learn from your mistakes and you do it the right way.. i learnt that in fucking nursery.
but i cant drop the subject i dont understand because the others dont have as much 'credibility'.. so i have to do another year of something i dont understand just so i can fail the end exam and is that really gonna be better than a B or something in a subject with less 'credibility'? no i dont think so..
this is so lame but fuck it.. i cried yesterday because my best mate broke up wiht her boyfriend.. i dont know if it was the whole thing in itself, or just because i hate her being upset. i hate people being upset especially if i really care about them if i know theres nothing i can do to help.. its so weird thinking that its never gonna be just them again.. its always THEM just him and her together all the time.. theyr like starsky and hutch *original* its not the same, you cant have one without the other.. and now when i lose her *cos shes soo small* i cant go ask him where she is il just have to look :(
so eyah on a happier note.. today wasnt so bad as far as mondays go, even though theres still that feeling that theres another 4 days to go of college and early mornings and work. and only 5 days till st nicotine nici day :D i dont even know why we are doing all this.. it seems kidna lame, apart from theres like a whole day and night dedicated to me yey :D
i always seem to mess things up though i swear itl backfire in our faces like everything does and the whole night will go horribly wrong.. like saturday.. ok so it wasnt that bad.. but i came up really quickly.. and therefore came down really quickly.. i was soo tired by the end i couldnt fucking move i just wanted to go to bed and sleep like forever. i thought maybe i had something going for me at last, maybe something could possibly go my way for once.. but no i think i fucked it up again.. i dont know what it is with me but i always seem to manage it.. i tink im destined to be a lonely reclusive spinster (i dont know if 'reclusive' is a word). anyway saw someone saturday i havent seen for ages in city.. and this person asked me when he could take me for a drink.. but im kinda put off by the fact that someone else has slept with him recently.. not that im gona be malicious, i only give as good as i get, but i dont think id be able to touch him after that :S and we all know who i dont like.. and we all know what im saying is reasonable.. to a certain extent :S
i have a load of coursework to do for psychology, so i need to find some people to do my experiment on so i can finally get round to writing it up, maybe i should ge the plan etc written up first..
dani gemma lulu sam nige everyone else.. thankyou
xx