(no subject)
sometimes i feel like crawling in a hole and never getting out. i would stay there forever. because whatever pain i was feeling, i could hide it. and i would never get hurt.
but instead i am stuck here. i have to take the hardest test tomorrow, which i didnt put as much time as i should have in. despite knowing this, i know i wouldnt have put any more studying time into it. that is one of my major problems, but whatever. i start studying and i just daydream. i take full responsibility...its just that tomorrow is going to be hell because of it.
and now i might be fired. and if not, then ill be yelled at, because one of my friends forgot about me. so im sitting here, fuming, but i suppose i should really be mad at myself. because there are a few rules i have always lived by: dont let anyone in, because if you dont, you wont get hurt. and dont trust anyone, because nobody is trustworthy. sometimes, not even myself. its my fault i let people in at times, and allow myself to be hurt by them. it is my fault that i expected her to call me back like she said she would. so now i have to call up lu, here her yell, and possibly get my first firing. which sucks, because i actually liked this job. oh well, adriana will get what she wanted.
and i will be deemed a fuck up once again.
but instead i am stuck here. i have to take the hardest test tomorrow, which i didnt put as much time as i should have in. despite knowing this, i know i wouldnt have put any more studying time into it. that is one of my major problems, but whatever. i start studying and i just daydream. i take full responsibility...its just that tomorrow is going to be hell because of it.
and now i might be fired. and if not, then ill be yelled at, because one of my friends forgot about me. so im sitting here, fuming, but i suppose i should really be mad at myself. because there are a few rules i have always lived by: dont let anyone in, because if you dont, you wont get hurt. and dont trust anyone, because nobody is trustworthy. sometimes, not even myself. its my fault i let people in at times, and allow myself to be hurt by them. it is my fault that i expected her to call me back like she said she would. so now i have to call up lu, here her yell, and possibly get my first firing. which sucks, because i actually liked this job. oh well, adriana will get what she wanted.
and i will be deemed a fuck up once again.