Nine deep slashes
Me and Kale are through. Officially. I've had it with his putting words in my mouth, his name-calling, his hanging up on me. I've had it with being treated like shit. I'm done. I'm better off alone, honestly. Fuck I'm such a fucking waste of space anyways. Yesterday since school was cancelled I was going to study, but instead I cleaned my entire room and organized all my CD's which is still productive but not as much as studying or reading, especially since I need to get into Uvic. I am probably going to land myself in a hospital if I don't get into Uvic. This morning after the Kale ordeal I made nine cuts on my left wrist and I plan on making more as soon as I finish writing this. No, it doesn't solve anything, but you know what, it's the only fucking thing that makes me feel real anymore. No one notices me or knows I exist. To bleed, to see blood, to feel the red coldness of it trickling down my arm, actually FEEL it, means I have to be alive, right? Seeing Juliette today in two hours instead of tomorrow, which is better for me cuz I'm fucking depressed today. Leaving her office will not be good though because I know I will start bawling after talking about everything in her office. *sigh*. I was doing so much better for so long. I knew it wouldn't last. Watch me crash and burn, hard and fast. Or how about, just kill me.
I tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I thought it'd be easy but no one believes me
I meant all the things that I said
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me
But it's the only thing that I have
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own
I tried to be perfect it just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own