Blah Update
Well me and Kale kinda sorted things out and we're on speaking terms and are being decent to each other. I still don't know how he really feels deep down but oh well. I just don't seem to believe him when he says he cares about me. I hardly believe anyone anymore. I feel so invisible, I literally spend my days alone in my room or at my computer, usually doing homework or studying, also watching the odd movie or tv show, blaring music a lot, and writing in my journals. The only people that really pay attention to me anymore are Kale and Emily. I feel *really* invisible on SH lately, all the people who I used to talk to a lot never PM me anymore and some of the people who were like my best friends there don't even respond to my posts anymore. *sigh* It's pretty sad when you know you're not wanted anywhere, and you try so hard to fit in and be noticed and loved but you just can't. I need Chelsea. I miss her so bad. I need her.. here.. she needs to come back.. now.. I can't wait until October. Every time I think of her I want to cry. My best friend of like 6 years and my best friend in preschool and she's gone half a world away and isn't coming back for a long time, and when she finally does, I'll be in Victoria (hopefully)! She in her emails doesn't even sound like she misses me and maybe I'm making assumptions just she's having so much fun over there I doubt she even has time to miss me. Emily and I are close again but she's still really busy with UBC and her other friends, and I don't really see anyone else much. Panorama people have forgotten about me as is usually the case. And something interesting on that note, the girl that sits beside me in CAAS is *the* Kim who dated Scott for three years!! I told her all about how he played me and broke my heart and dumped me for Jess and got a huge tattoo etc even though he claimed to her that he was against body modification etc. Yeah, I don't even want to talk about that loser. Sent my high school and Kwantlen transcripts to Uvic, if my high school marks are too low I'll have to wait till they get my second semester Kwantlen transcript which won't be until May so I'll have to wait a loonggg time to even know. I MUST get in I HAVE to it's my last hope, my only hope, my only chance... at life. This invisible person is going to stop writing now and go upstairs and slash her arms.
I fell through the ice
She won't be coming back again
It never wins to lie She said you'll never have no rights I've took it farther on the outside I've took it nearly to the brink And if you've seen me on the outside You would have barely seen me breathe Funny right here I find myself Inside a paper cup Without a warning or a reason it's a treason With no answer You got no right To keep me waiting here You got no right To keep the pain in here That holds the crown And if I fall apart on the outside (You really don't believe me) And if I take it to the brink And if I fall apart on the outside (You really don't believe me) You would have barely seen me breathe And if I meet you out tonight Will you be loving me forever It's always over after the night It's always colder after the night I broke through the ice She won't be coming back again It's been a year and a night