leaving....

[xcrazyjaneyx]

well i'm sitting in the and i just wrote the longest entry ever. But mom decided that she would find out what would happen if she pulled the plug. LOL anyways i'm riding along and i have no clue where i'm going. i've been told a number of things and honestly i don't care anymore. when mom told me i was leaving home i grabbed a bunch of crap to take with me. then i stared at all the bags. i threw their contence in the closet and started over. i packed my pics and my tape of JSc tour, and of me adn vigue when we were little, my yearbooks, and my journals, and my cds. Mom yelled to grab some clothes so i did.. i realized i don't need materials to survive, all i need are my memories. I felt satisfied with my packing. as soon as i got in the car and dropped off my kitties, i started to read my old journals. They were all my firsts. It was liek i was watching a video tape in my mind: my first dance(DC), my first camp, the first time i "fell" into a lake, my first JSC tour, the first time i met Dean, the first time i saw "somepeople" cry, first time Alex came over, frst time i rode with Alex,first time i cried at church, first time i went to Dean's house, first time i got grounded, first time Alex and Josh came over when my parnets weren't home and i got CAUGHT, first time my mom almost ran over Dean, first time i went to Dante's house, first tim ei went over ryan r.'s house, my first fight with ryan v, the first time i went to the movies alone with a guy AS FRIENDS, my first handholding experience, my first driving experience, and YES my first B since elementary school^DORK^haha. it was amazing reading over the journals. As i was telling leslie earlier that day, the memories were so real. i could close my eyes and alomst be there...instead of here...in the backseat covered in Rootbeer(darn bumps) and leaving the place that was and is my sanctuary. My friend told me it was only a shelter. My other friend said i would be retarded if i stayed home. BuT a part of me wants to be snuggled in my own bed with my kitties. i hope they're ok. i have learned from this experience what is most important to me. I'm glad i have my parents with me. i'll be older and my dad will be really old and i'll be single....or i'll cancel stuff with my bf..just so i can spend the day wheeling around my dad. On wednesday i was driving with my dad and the yellow card song "salesman" or w/e came on. My dad looked at me and smiled. i'm so proud of u adn i love u jane he said. That song just reminds me everytime i listen to it who our rock is. God is our palace our savior, but our family is our rock that supports us. i know the ole saying is friends are forever...well the only forvever u have is that ur parents will always be ur parents whether they liek it or not.

stay safe love y'all
jane