It seems unfair to me.. some get the chance to chase their dreams, and some don't..
so today definately was probably THE worst day of my life.. no joke. it was Mike's funeral.. i don't think i've cried so much in my entire life... i'm sure probably everyone that doesn't know Mike and has never heard me talk about him thinks that i'm making a huge ass deal out of this but honestly, he's probably the closest person to me that has died.. Because the people at the funerals i've been to in my life weren't really people that i actually were around as much as i was Mike.. When BJ and i were together, pretty much more than half the time i was with him, we were with Mike.. just fucking around and being stupid and stuff.. And when it was getting close to around when BJ and I were breakin up I talked to Mike a thousand times more than i ever did BJ.. Thats the thing that makes it so bad. Because BJ, he has so many secrets about him like i couldn't really tell you if i knew him well or not.. But Mike, he was just the type of person that was jus open and told u everything.. We used to have sooo many conversations in the middle of the night just about random stuff.. He used to always tell me how he hated it because he never really could get girlfriends because he was always the FRIEND.. like BJ would get all the girls and once he did whatever and shit and dumped em Mike was always there to pick em back up off their feet and comfort them and always assured them that they could get anyone else they wanted.. He did that for me.. I don't know what i would've done without him through the whole thing. At one point and time we actually liked each other for a little while but it didn't last long because BJ and him were best friends... But we still talked and takled all the time.. Since his dad was a sheriff, he used to tell me that he could speed all he wanted because whenever he got pulled over he'd just have to say who he was and they'd let him off. Thats why he never learned his lesson and sped all the time.. If only those cops would've done their job i wonder if this would've happened... Mike why couldn't you have just worn your seat belt?? :'( He was such an amazing person.. I really don't understand why God would want him this early.. He had soo much going for him. He was probably the most well rounded person ever. Smart, sweet, sympathetic, understanding, respectful, funny... he was everything. I couldn't fall asleep last night cuz i just couldnt get him out of my head for some reason. I can still see his big sparkly smile and hear his voice.. God, i miss him so much.. I wish i would've got the chance to hang out with him more and actually get the chance to say goodbye. The funeral was horrible. It didn't even look like him at all. His dad spoke, and BJ and a few other friends... When his dad was up there it was so sad because he was like "..I still remember the last time i saw him.. he had jus got back from work and he got in the shower, shaved, put on his smelly ol' cologne, and changed his clothes.. Everyone else was in bed but i was up watching tv still.. And when he was about to go out the door i said 'Goodbye Michael' and he shut the door.." and then he started crying and was like ".. and i don't think he heard me.." IT WAS THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD.. i swear everyone in the room started crying rivers.. And then BJ was saying how at his open house there were friends there that they hadn't seen in a while and that he and mike and this girl tiffany did a group hug, and at the time he thought it was pretty gay but now he was glad that he did that.. Another kid from his bowling team talked and he had Mikes bowling shirt still that he borrowed from him and he was crying and stuff and he was like "Just like any other jersey.. it's retired" and we all started crying and he layed it in the casket next to Mike.. Just thinking about it right now. i'm crying.... God, why the hell did you have to take him out of all people? the type of person we NEED MORE OF in this world and you have to go and take him away.. I always believed in you but right now I don't really know anymore....