A Letter to God
Started at school today; finished now.
If anyone touches me I’ll go insane. They don’t understand what confusion means. All I want to do is sleep. I don’t want to be here. I hate this. I am not comfortable with the Beloved right now; I have no where else to go. I despise myself. I want it all to stop. Make it go away.
I don’t want this to come back. I pray and it’s gone, but as soon as I stop it comes back, and I can’t do this on my own. I’m lost. No good answer. I’m lost. I’m lost. Lost. Lost. Lost. Stop. Please make it stop. Bring me up, I’m falling. I’m floating unattached, I’m lost. I can’t do this. Send me an angel. Send me a devil. Send me something. I’m lost. I hate this feeling. Take it away. Please. I hate the feeling of that ribbon of pain twisting around my spine.
She has wings. What do I have to lift me out of this? Nothing. I have nothing. I am nothing. I am lost.
Do you want me in jagged shards? Is that it? Am I supposed to break? Am I so expendable that I can be stepped on again and again and again without consequence? I’m lost. Can I really be destined for this? For this HOLE? They say you can save me. SAVE ME. Save me. Save me. How much do you want? How much pain is enough?
I’m failing. I’m flailing. I’ve got nothing. I can’t go anywhere; there’s nothing to hold on to.
Save me.