the piece of me that will never be returned

[xchromosomex]

yesterday a piece of me left this world. a piece of my childhood left too. the greatest creature who ever was met her end, and all i could do was sit and watch. i couldnt hold her hand or be there for her like she had been there for me my entire life. she was my best friend since i was four years old. she was the first being outside of my parents that i ever fully trusted and she knew every one of my secrets before i even told them to her. she was a bitch to the core, and she raised me to be the same way. i can truly say that she has had as much influence on my personality as any human... maybe more. all i wanted was to be there for her when she needed me, and she hardly ever did. yesterday she did and i couldnt be there. i couldnt save her. i couldnt suck the poison fluid out of her chest and blow air back into her lungs and make her young again. she needed me and i couldnt come through like she always had. all i could do was hold her lifeless paw and cry over her body. i wasnt there for her. i ache all over. i can hope but i dont think ill ever know if shes happy now. i just want her to be rolling in the sunshine and chasing lizards like she used to (she liked to separate the tails from their bodies before she caught them). i sat outside today and watched the dogs roll in the dandelions, and i realized she would never do that again. she will never play with another dandelion. there is no justice to this. how can a soul that is so pure and so good be taken so soon while so many evil others are left to live? i am brooding and wallowing in my own guilt and self pity and feeling rather emo... but my heart is broken and missing some pieces.
Charlotte- I love you. I hope you are happier now than you ever have been.