I miss my baby
Damn it. If it weren't for him, I'd be perfectly content staying here for quite awhile if I could. Four months now and no signs of stopping any time soon. Can't help but think about the future though. Wish I didn't but it's not something I can ignore, though I try to live in the moment as much as possible with him. It's not like I'm missing anything; let's face it, I'm not the most social person, even out with close friends sometimes. And I'm horrid at meeting new people. So I'm not worried about me wasting my time or any of that jazz, because I'm truly very happy with him. It just already hurts a lot to think about when we'll stop seeing each other- and it is "when" not "if" by the way, it's just a matter of time- so I don't do it if I can help it. And if it hurts that much already, I can't bear to think of how heartbroken I'll be when the end actually comes... But anyway, at least he cares about me a lot and I'm learning a lot about just being in a relationship... God that makes it sound like I'm just using him as a learning tool or something lol, but that is DEFINITELY not true. I care for him a great deal, a lot more than I ever expected. I often feel like throwing the "L" word out there, but I dare not do it, because especially younger people get on my nerves throwing that word around with every person they may go out with. I don't even know if that is what I feel; it may just be that this is my first real relationship with someone who actually really cares about me and I'm not used to such strong feelings for someone. I feel like I need to label them, but I'm trying not to for the moment. He is the best thing in my life right now though. I feel like that says a lot in itself. And though I don't want to leave Germany, I really cannot wait until he's holding me again.