(no subject)
things are so much better lately. things are changing, and i owe it mostly all to jared, my amazing boyfriend, who made me want to be a better person, he made me see that not everyting is so bad, and that i shouldnt hate myself so much. hes my baby <333 other than that, alot of stuff been going on, with volunteering, painting, training ahh im just so busy! i miss shawnacee SO bad. you dont even understand, i havent really seen her in over like 2 weeks. which is insane im going to die. she should be back from the lake sunday, and i'll try to see her then. she starts school monday. ahhh i cant believe i wasted my summer being so depressed. i wish i could do it over again!!!!!!! oh well, ive learned a lot. i look at everything so differently now, i know it sounds really weird and crazy, but i cant even really remember anything in that time period. only really dramatic things. its kinda scary when i think about it. but to tell you the truth, im not 100% better. i mean somethings NEVER really go away, but compared to how i was, it just seems so much better. friday was the first day since i can remember that i didnt think about wanting to die. or how much everything was fucked up. i know that i seem really fake sometimes, and that i change on and off. but thats really how i am, one day im fine the next day its really bad. but the bad days are getting less and less, and im starting to see the world from a different angle. but now i gotta go finish painting, and then get some sleep. all of my love <3