[FIC] NewS - Break (With Me) [4/5]
Title: Break (With Me) [4/5]
Fandom: NewS
Pairing: Masuda/Tegoshi
Rating: PG-13 (mentions of child abuse and neglect)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: He pulls him close, arms circling his smaller form tight, and he murmurs softly, “Go to sleep, Tesshi.” He adds, a moment later, as though he knows what the younger is thinking, “I’ll be here tomorrow. I promise.”
A/N: ...I can't think of anything to put here, other than OMG I can't believe there's only one part left to go X.x As usual, if you spot any mistakes, let me know so I can fix them. Happy reading!
x Part One x Part Two x Part Three x
The next week is spent making hurried preparations. Tegoshi stays with Masuda the entire time, only sneaking back to his house once to pack a bag full of the things he wants to keep. The rest of the time he spends practically glued to the older boy’s side, even going in with him to work when Masuda finally can’t make up anymore excuses to stay home. Not that anyone really complains; as much as he is a distraction, Tegoshi is well liked by his co-workers, most of whom have already met him at least once.
Masuda is glad for it, in all honesty. He’s happy that he has the chance to spend as much time with Tegoshi as possible right now, before the younger has to leave. He feels like he’s trying to make up for a lifetime that they’re going to miss out on, squeezing it all into just a few days. And thinking about that only makes him feel worse.
He doesn’t want to let the younger boy go. He knows that when it comes down to it, this is the best thing that could ever happen to Tegoshi, and he doesn’t want to be the one to stand between his friend and the future that he deserves. But he doesn’t want to be left behind, doesn’t want Tegoshi to go off to Tokyo and then forget about him, too busy with new friends and a new life to remember the boy back home that took care of him when he needed it most.
If he’s completely honest, Masuda is afraid of losing him. He has other friends, but Tegoshi is so much more than that; he’s always been more than that. And it’s only now that he’s faced with the idea of not having him around anymore that he realizes just how important the younger boy has become to him.
And that, more than anything else, scares him.
The last few days go by so fast, Masuda feels like he’s been cheated. He lays awake the night before Tegoshi is scheduled to leave, watching the younger boy’s face from half-lidded eyes. Tegoshi is curled up beside him, nestled tightly under the blankets, eyes closed and expression peaceful. His chest aches at the sight, thinking about the fact that, after tonight, he’ll probably never see this again. It makes him feel sick, imagining a life without the younger by his side, and he wonders when it was that Tegoshi became the one person that his life revolves around; when they were children, maybe, or maybe it was more recently.
Regardless of when, it happened, and now Masuda’s not sure if he’ll be able to survive without him.
He sighs softly, the noise sounding loud in the otherwise silent room, and before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s wrestled a hand out from under the blankets and reached out to gently brush his fingertips across Tegoshi’s cheek. It’s a minute thing, just a small touch of skin against skin, but apparently it’s enough, because Tegoshi exhales deeply, eyes fluttering open slowly. He focuses in on Masuda, laying there across from him, and a sleepy smile drifts over his features.
“Massu?” He murmurs, sounding tired.
Masuda jerks his hand back, a blush rising up. “Sorry,”
But Tegoshi just laughs and snuggles closer. “Massu should be sleeping,” he chides cutely, which only makes Masuda’s face flush further. Despite himself, he presses his face against Tegoshi’s hair with a shuddering breath.
“I know. Sorry I woke you,”
Tegoshi simply shakes his head lazily. “I wasn’t sleeping,” he says quietly, one hand coming up to trace the hemlines on Masuda’s shirt. He’s not wearing the sling anymore, but his other arm is still not up to full strength yet. He smiles with a giggle. “I’m too nervous.”
Masuda frowns. “What are you nervous about? All you’re doing is getting into a cab.”
Tegoshi pouts, and Masuda ducks his head in apology, knowing that it came out snappier than he’d intended. He’s forgiven immediately, he can tell by the way Tegoshi’s fingers brush over his shoulders and neck gently. “I’m nervous about leaving,”
Masuda doesn’t want to talk about this; not now. But Tegoshi’s voice is tiny and timid, and he can’t stand to hear it like that, so he sighs, tightens his hold on him. “You’ll be fine,” he assures in a quiet voice, inwardly proud that his voice doesn’t crack. He ignores the way his stomach clenches uncomfortably, whispering out the next words softly, “You’re going to be great.”
Tegoshi curls into him like a child. “I don’t want to leave Massu,” He says plaintively.
Masuda can’t avoid the way his heart flutters at that, the way it aches painfully at the thought of it. He doesn’t want to deal with this, not when they have so little time left. “Tesshi, please… don’t…” He’s begging, because if it goes any farther, he’s afraid he might break.
“Come with me,” He can hear the pleading edge to Tegoshi’s voice, the fear and concern and the hope that he won’t have to go through it alone. And that hurts more than anything. “Please, Massu.” He pulls back, just enough so he can look Masuda in the eyes, hands fisting around the fabric of the older boy’s shirt. “We can go together, we can-“
“Yuya.” His voice is hard, and he hates himself for it, hands coming up to gently hold Tegoshi’s around the wrists. “You know I can’t.”
They’ve had this conversation before, so many times over the last week, and every time Masuda has to say ‘no’, it breaks him just a little bit more. He wants to, so badly it hurts, but he knows that it’s not an option. Not really. His entire life is here, in this town; his family and history… his mother’s grave. And even if that’s not enough to keep him there (it’s not, not if Tegoshi’s not there too, and he knows it), he has no future anywhere else. He hasn’t got the grades or money for college, can’t afford to leave his current dead-end job. His only real hope is still a few years down the road, when the owner of the grocery store that his father works at finally retires and passes the ownership over. Until then, he’s stuck right where he is.
And anyway, he’s not made for a place like Tokyo. He’s a small town boy; he wouldn’t last when faced with the hustle and bustle of city life. It’s better for everyone if he stays here. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself, trying to ease his own guilt. It doesn’t work nearly as well as he wishes it would.
Tegoshi doesn’t bring it up again, after that. Masuda’s not sure why it is that that bothers him more than anything else.
~***~
The next morning is awkward, uncomfortable. Masuda doesn’t want to get up, to leave Tegoshi behind, but eventually the alarm starts blaring loudly at him, and he knows that if he doesn’t leave now, he never will. Tegoshi watches him roll out of bed with sad eyes, tucks his knees in to touch his chest protectively as the older boy dresses and prepares for work.
There’s nothing left to say between them, really, but the silence drives Masuda insane.
Before long, he’s ready to go, but he finds himself hesitating. Tegoshi scoots out from under the blankets and sits at the edge of the mattress, watching Masuda standing near the door, pointedly avoiding looking at him. Several minutes pass, neither of them saying a word, and just when Masuda is about to work up the courage to reach for the door, Tegoshi speaks.
“I have to leave by two,” he says, watching Masuda dejectedly. “Otherwise I’ll miss my train. Will you… are you going to be there to see me off?”
Masuda doesn’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t think he could handle it, watching Tegoshi leave him for good. The idea of it alone makes him want to twist and contort, until there’s nothing left of him; until he doesn’t exist anymore. Just to get away from it. He knows that Tegoshi wants him there, knows that he’ll regret it always if he doesn’t go, but…
“I have work,” he says instead, throat painfully dry, voice low. He’s not looking at Tegoshi, so he misses the way the younger trembles at his answer. But he can hear it in his voice when he finally responds.
“Oh…” Tegoshi swallows quietly, eyes falling to the carpeted floor. “…then I guess we should…”
“Yeah.”
Tegoshi stands on shaky legs, makes his way over to where Masuda is still standing. Neither of them can bring themselves to look at the other, and the younger of the two nibbles nervously on his lower lip, anxious. Masuda hates that, dislikes the idea of Tegoshi ever feeling uncomfortable around him, but he doesn’t know what he can possibly do to fix this.
“So…” Tegoshi murmurs, shifting. He finally faces Masuda properly, but his eyes stay low, hovering on the older boy’s chin. “I… I guess this is goodbye.”
“I guess so.”
The air between them is painfully thick, and Masuda doesn’t think they’ve ever been so separate from each other as they are in these last few moments. It hurts, that distance, but maybe it’s for the best. At least this way, Tegoshi won’t spend half his life wondering if he made the wrong choice, like Masuda knows he’s setting himself up for.
Finally, he can’t bear it anymore; it hurts too much. He pitches forwards, arms folding over Tegoshi’s smaller form, and holds him tight, lets himself have this last moment. Tegoshi lets out a miserable sound, presses his face into Masuda’s neck, arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Masuda sighs quietly, feels just a little bit of the weight on his shoulders lift. It still aches, but it’s bearable now. Maybe. “Good luck, Tesshi.”
Tegoshi nods, but neither of them lets go. Not for a very long time.
~***~
Masuda is late to work that morning. He gets lectured over it -not just for being late, but his entire performance over this last week- but by the time he finally reaches his seat, he can’t even remember half of what his boss had said to him. A few of his coworkers eye him worriedly, and he sighs quietly under the attention, knowing why; his behavior lately has been erratic, missing work, not focusing while he’s there, unusually quiet and withdrawn. He hasn’t been himself, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why.
He settles in for the day, but finds that he can’t concentrate. His mind is elsewhere, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to get any real work done. The hours tick by, agonizingly slow, and eventually, he stops trying altogether and just ends up staring regretfully at the clock, bouncing a pen against the arm of his chair anxiously.
It’s only one, he tells himself. He still has time to get back to his room and see Tegoshi one more time…
He wants to, he can’t deny it. Any excuse just to have a little bit more time with the younger boy is worth it, but he’s not sure if it’s a good idea. He doesn’t want to see that heartbroken look in Tegoshi’s eyes as he gets into a cab and leaves for what’s probably going to be forever. And worse still, he doesn’t want to tempt the boy into staying.
In the end, it comes down to a choice of being selfish or selfless. And for the first time in a long, he’s not sure which is better.
He’s spent a lifetime being selfless, hasn’t he? Putting others before himself, always. His little sister when his father was at work and his mother was sick in bed, his mother when they couldn’t afford the hospital bills, his father after his mother finally passed on, and Tegoshi, too. Always Tegoshi. And he’s given up so much in the process; his free time, his social life, several good relationships, living at home, all for someone else’s benefit.
Isn’t he allowed to do something for himself, just this once?
He stands, snatches his coat up from the back of his chair, and moves for the door before he can change his mind. He wants this -this last chance- and for once, he’s going to let himself have it, consequences be damned.
The drive home is agonizingly slow. Traffic is awful, something he’s never seen in this town before today, and when 1:43 passes and he’s still twenty minutes away, he’s starting to wonder if this is maybe an omen of some kind. His hands are griping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles have paled by the time he finally pulls into the parking lot, and he’s worried he might start hyperventilating at any moment, eyes frantically scanning the patch of broken asphalt stretched out in front of the motel. He nearly cries in relief when he spots the taxi on the opposite side of the building, waiting beside the curb. And there’s Tegoshi, standing awkwardly next to it, head down and a disappointed look on his face.
He perks up when he spots Masuda’s car pull up, and the look on his face when the older boy slips out and calls his name is one of complete and utter happiness. Tegoshi is laughing in delight by the time Masuda reaches him, throwing his arms around the older’s neck excitedly as soon as he’s close enough.
“I thought you had work,” Tegoshi murmurs against his shoulder. Masuda can feel his smile through his shirt, and just shakes his head, holds him a little bit tighter.
“I took a late lunch.” It’s a horrible excuse, but it makes Tegoshi laugh softly. They pull away slowly, reluctantly, but Masuda keeps his hands on the younger boy’s waist possessively, holding him within arm’s reach. Tegoshi doesn’t seem to mind, reaching up to lightly touch Masuda’s cheeks with gentle fingers, his eyes soft and warm.
“I’m glad,” he says quietly, smiling widely.
They’re quiet for the next few minutes, just watching each other, comfortable to stand there together for as long as they can. The driver of the taxi, however, is not nearly as patient, and after a few moments of this, gives a frustrated honk of the horn, scowling at the two of them from where he’s sitting. Masuda frowns at him from over Tegoshi’s shoulder, but his attention is quickly pulled back when Tegoshi sighs quietly, blows a few strands of hair out of his face with a sad expression.
He knows what’s coming next, but that doesn’t stop the butterflies from rising up in his stomach at the very thought.
“Massu, I…” Tegoshi trails off, like he doesn’t know how to say what’s on his mind. Masuda knows, though; he always has, in some way, even if they’ve never gone so far as to acknowledge it.
Masuda smiles at him wanly, hands coming up to cup the younger’s face, thumbs gently brushing over his cheeks in a tender sort of way. “Don’t say it,” he tells him seriously, “Not yet.” He’s not ready to hear it yet, nor is he ready to say it himself. Not when Tegoshi is about to leave.
Tegoshi bites his lower lip, looking uncertain, and Masuda makes a decision right then and there. What they have is too special to let go of so easily; not without putting up some kind of a fight. He pulls back, just enough to reach around behind his neck and unclasp the chain that’s been sitting there for the last three years. Tegoshi watches him with wide eyes, and they only get wider when Masuda leans forward and slides the chain around his neck, the ring falling to lay delicately against his chest.
“Massu…?” He looks confused and unsure, reaching up to touch the ring hesitantly. “What…”
Masuda smiles at him, brushes his knuckles over his cheek. “Think of it as a promise, okay? I’ll take it back the next time we see each other.”
Tegoshi looks like he might start crying, but he’s smiling wide, and it makes something of an endearing image. Looking at him, seeing that pretty sparkle in his eyes that he knows so well, Masuda finds that he can’t hold back anymore; he leans forward and presses his lips against the younger’s.
It’s not magical, nor is it the best kiss Masuda has even had, but it feels right, the way their lips slide together. It’s chaste and sweet and everything that Masuda has ever imagined it to be, perfect or not, and it leaves him wanting more when they finally pull apart. He watches Tegoshi through half-lidded eyes, the way the younger boy flushes, lips parted slightly, looking dazed and surprised but not unhappy.
“Okay?” Masuda whispers softly, and they’re still so close that it almost ends up being another kiss. Tegoshi slowly breaks into a grin, wide and happy, and he giggles somewhat shyly, ducking his head with a nod.
“Yeah,”
When Tegoshi finally has to break away from him, slipping into the backseat of the cab, waving at him slowly as it pulls away from the parking lot, it doesn’t feel so much like a goodbye anymore. Masuda still feels an uncomfortable ache settle in his heart as he watches the taxi disappear, but it’s not so hopeless, and he thinks, maybe, he could learn to survive in a big city like Tokyo, eventually.
Fandom: NewS
Pairing: Masuda/Tegoshi
Rating: PG-13 (mentions of child abuse and neglect)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: He pulls him close, arms circling his smaller form tight, and he murmurs softly, “Go to sleep, Tesshi.” He adds, a moment later, as though he knows what the younger is thinking, “I’ll be here tomorrow. I promise.”
A/N: ...I can't think of anything to put here, other than OMG I can't believe there's only one part left to go X.x As usual, if you spot any mistakes, let me know so I can fix them. Happy reading!
x Part One x Part Two x Part Three x
The next week is spent making hurried preparations. Tegoshi stays with Masuda the entire time, only sneaking back to his house once to pack a bag full of the things he wants to keep. The rest of the time he spends practically glued to the older boy’s side, even going in with him to work when Masuda finally can’t make up anymore excuses to stay home. Not that anyone really complains; as much as he is a distraction, Tegoshi is well liked by his co-workers, most of whom have already met him at least once.
Masuda is glad for it, in all honesty. He’s happy that he has the chance to spend as much time with Tegoshi as possible right now, before the younger has to leave. He feels like he’s trying to make up for a lifetime that they’re going to miss out on, squeezing it all into just a few days. And thinking about that only makes him feel worse.
He doesn’t want to let the younger boy go. He knows that when it comes down to it, this is the best thing that could ever happen to Tegoshi, and he doesn’t want to be the one to stand between his friend and the future that he deserves. But he doesn’t want to be left behind, doesn’t want Tegoshi to go off to Tokyo and then forget about him, too busy with new friends and a new life to remember the boy back home that took care of him when he needed it most.
If he’s completely honest, Masuda is afraid of losing him. He has other friends, but Tegoshi is so much more than that; he’s always been more than that. And it’s only now that he’s faced with the idea of not having him around anymore that he realizes just how important the younger boy has become to him.
And that, more than anything else, scares him.
The last few days go by so fast, Masuda feels like he’s been cheated. He lays awake the night before Tegoshi is scheduled to leave, watching the younger boy’s face from half-lidded eyes. Tegoshi is curled up beside him, nestled tightly under the blankets, eyes closed and expression peaceful. His chest aches at the sight, thinking about the fact that, after tonight, he’ll probably never see this again. It makes him feel sick, imagining a life without the younger by his side, and he wonders when it was that Tegoshi became the one person that his life revolves around; when they were children, maybe, or maybe it was more recently.
Regardless of when, it happened, and now Masuda’s not sure if he’ll be able to survive without him.
He sighs softly, the noise sounding loud in the otherwise silent room, and before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s wrestled a hand out from under the blankets and reached out to gently brush his fingertips across Tegoshi’s cheek. It’s a minute thing, just a small touch of skin against skin, but apparently it’s enough, because Tegoshi exhales deeply, eyes fluttering open slowly. He focuses in on Masuda, laying there across from him, and a sleepy smile drifts over his features.
“Massu?” He murmurs, sounding tired.
Masuda jerks his hand back, a blush rising up. “Sorry,”
But Tegoshi just laughs and snuggles closer. “Massu should be sleeping,” he chides cutely, which only makes Masuda’s face flush further. Despite himself, he presses his face against Tegoshi’s hair with a shuddering breath.
“I know. Sorry I woke you,”
Tegoshi simply shakes his head lazily. “I wasn’t sleeping,” he says quietly, one hand coming up to trace the hemlines on Masuda’s shirt. He’s not wearing the sling anymore, but his other arm is still not up to full strength yet. He smiles with a giggle. “I’m too nervous.”
Masuda frowns. “What are you nervous about? All you’re doing is getting into a cab.”
Tegoshi pouts, and Masuda ducks his head in apology, knowing that it came out snappier than he’d intended. He’s forgiven immediately, he can tell by the way Tegoshi’s fingers brush over his shoulders and neck gently. “I’m nervous about leaving,”
Masuda doesn’t want to talk about this; not now. But Tegoshi’s voice is tiny and timid, and he can’t stand to hear it like that, so he sighs, tightens his hold on him. “You’ll be fine,” he assures in a quiet voice, inwardly proud that his voice doesn’t crack. He ignores the way his stomach clenches uncomfortably, whispering out the next words softly, “You’re going to be great.”
Tegoshi curls into him like a child. “I don’t want to leave Massu,” He says plaintively.
Masuda can’t avoid the way his heart flutters at that, the way it aches painfully at the thought of it. He doesn’t want to deal with this, not when they have so little time left. “Tesshi, please… don’t…” He’s begging, because if it goes any farther, he’s afraid he might break.
“Come with me,” He can hear the pleading edge to Tegoshi’s voice, the fear and concern and the hope that he won’t have to go through it alone. And that hurts more than anything. “Please, Massu.” He pulls back, just enough so he can look Masuda in the eyes, hands fisting around the fabric of the older boy’s shirt. “We can go together, we can-“
“Yuya.” His voice is hard, and he hates himself for it, hands coming up to gently hold Tegoshi’s around the wrists. “You know I can’t.”
They’ve had this conversation before, so many times over the last week, and every time Masuda has to say ‘no’, it breaks him just a little bit more. He wants to, so badly it hurts, but he knows that it’s not an option. Not really. His entire life is here, in this town; his family and history… his mother’s grave. And even if that’s not enough to keep him there (it’s not, not if Tegoshi’s not there too, and he knows it), he has no future anywhere else. He hasn’t got the grades or money for college, can’t afford to leave his current dead-end job. His only real hope is still a few years down the road, when the owner of the grocery store that his father works at finally retires and passes the ownership over. Until then, he’s stuck right where he is.
And anyway, he’s not made for a place like Tokyo. He’s a small town boy; he wouldn’t last when faced with the hustle and bustle of city life. It’s better for everyone if he stays here. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself, trying to ease his own guilt. It doesn’t work nearly as well as he wishes it would.
Tegoshi doesn’t bring it up again, after that. Masuda’s not sure why it is that that bothers him more than anything else.
~***~
The next morning is awkward, uncomfortable. Masuda doesn’t want to get up, to leave Tegoshi behind, but eventually the alarm starts blaring loudly at him, and he knows that if he doesn’t leave now, he never will. Tegoshi watches him roll out of bed with sad eyes, tucks his knees in to touch his chest protectively as the older boy dresses and prepares for work.
There’s nothing left to say between them, really, but the silence drives Masuda insane.
Before long, he’s ready to go, but he finds himself hesitating. Tegoshi scoots out from under the blankets and sits at the edge of the mattress, watching Masuda standing near the door, pointedly avoiding looking at him. Several minutes pass, neither of them saying a word, and just when Masuda is about to work up the courage to reach for the door, Tegoshi speaks.
“I have to leave by two,” he says, watching Masuda dejectedly. “Otherwise I’ll miss my train. Will you… are you going to be there to see me off?”
Masuda doesn’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t think he could handle it, watching Tegoshi leave him for good. The idea of it alone makes him want to twist and contort, until there’s nothing left of him; until he doesn’t exist anymore. Just to get away from it. He knows that Tegoshi wants him there, knows that he’ll regret it always if he doesn’t go, but…
“I have work,” he says instead, throat painfully dry, voice low. He’s not looking at Tegoshi, so he misses the way the younger trembles at his answer. But he can hear it in his voice when he finally responds.
“Oh…” Tegoshi swallows quietly, eyes falling to the carpeted floor. “…then I guess we should…”
“Yeah.”
Tegoshi stands on shaky legs, makes his way over to where Masuda is still standing. Neither of them can bring themselves to look at the other, and the younger of the two nibbles nervously on his lower lip, anxious. Masuda hates that, dislikes the idea of Tegoshi ever feeling uncomfortable around him, but he doesn’t know what he can possibly do to fix this.
“So…” Tegoshi murmurs, shifting. He finally faces Masuda properly, but his eyes stay low, hovering on the older boy’s chin. “I… I guess this is goodbye.”
“I guess so.”
The air between them is painfully thick, and Masuda doesn’t think they’ve ever been so separate from each other as they are in these last few moments. It hurts, that distance, but maybe it’s for the best. At least this way, Tegoshi won’t spend half his life wondering if he made the wrong choice, like Masuda knows he’s setting himself up for.
Finally, he can’t bear it anymore; it hurts too much. He pitches forwards, arms folding over Tegoshi’s smaller form, and holds him tight, lets himself have this last moment. Tegoshi lets out a miserable sound, presses his face into Masuda’s neck, arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Masuda sighs quietly, feels just a little bit of the weight on his shoulders lift. It still aches, but it’s bearable now. Maybe. “Good luck, Tesshi.”
Tegoshi nods, but neither of them lets go. Not for a very long time.
~***~
Masuda is late to work that morning. He gets lectured over it -not just for being late, but his entire performance over this last week- but by the time he finally reaches his seat, he can’t even remember half of what his boss had said to him. A few of his coworkers eye him worriedly, and he sighs quietly under the attention, knowing why; his behavior lately has been erratic, missing work, not focusing while he’s there, unusually quiet and withdrawn. He hasn’t been himself, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why.
He settles in for the day, but finds that he can’t concentrate. His mind is elsewhere, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to get any real work done. The hours tick by, agonizingly slow, and eventually, he stops trying altogether and just ends up staring regretfully at the clock, bouncing a pen against the arm of his chair anxiously.
It’s only one, he tells himself. He still has time to get back to his room and see Tegoshi one more time…
He wants to, he can’t deny it. Any excuse just to have a little bit more time with the younger boy is worth it, but he’s not sure if it’s a good idea. He doesn’t want to see that heartbroken look in Tegoshi’s eyes as he gets into a cab and leaves for what’s probably going to be forever. And worse still, he doesn’t want to tempt the boy into staying.
In the end, it comes down to a choice of being selfish or selfless. And for the first time in a long, he’s not sure which is better.
He’s spent a lifetime being selfless, hasn’t he? Putting others before himself, always. His little sister when his father was at work and his mother was sick in bed, his mother when they couldn’t afford the hospital bills, his father after his mother finally passed on, and Tegoshi, too. Always Tegoshi. And he’s given up so much in the process; his free time, his social life, several good relationships, living at home, all for someone else’s benefit.
Isn’t he allowed to do something for himself, just this once?
He stands, snatches his coat up from the back of his chair, and moves for the door before he can change his mind. He wants this -this last chance- and for once, he’s going to let himself have it, consequences be damned.
The drive home is agonizingly slow. Traffic is awful, something he’s never seen in this town before today, and when 1:43 passes and he’s still twenty minutes away, he’s starting to wonder if this is maybe an omen of some kind. His hands are griping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles have paled by the time he finally pulls into the parking lot, and he’s worried he might start hyperventilating at any moment, eyes frantically scanning the patch of broken asphalt stretched out in front of the motel. He nearly cries in relief when he spots the taxi on the opposite side of the building, waiting beside the curb. And there’s Tegoshi, standing awkwardly next to it, head down and a disappointed look on his face.
He perks up when he spots Masuda’s car pull up, and the look on his face when the older boy slips out and calls his name is one of complete and utter happiness. Tegoshi is laughing in delight by the time Masuda reaches him, throwing his arms around the older’s neck excitedly as soon as he’s close enough.
“I thought you had work,” Tegoshi murmurs against his shoulder. Masuda can feel his smile through his shirt, and just shakes his head, holds him a little bit tighter.
“I took a late lunch.” It’s a horrible excuse, but it makes Tegoshi laugh softly. They pull away slowly, reluctantly, but Masuda keeps his hands on the younger boy’s waist possessively, holding him within arm’s reach. Tegoshi doesn’t seem to mind, reaching up to lightly touch Masuda’s cheeks with gentle fingers, his eyes soft and warm.
“I’m glad,” he says quietly, smiling widely.
They’re quiet for the next few minutes, just watching each other, comfortable to stand there together for as long as they can. The driver of the taxi, however, is not nearly as patient, and after a few moments of this, gives a frustrated honk of the horn, scowling at the two of them from where he’s sitting. Masuda frowns at him from over Tegoshi’s shoulder, but his attention is quickly pulled back when Tegoshi sighs quietly, blows a few strands of hair out of his face with a sad expression.
He knows what’s coming next, but that doesn’t stop the butterflies from rising up in his stomach at the very thought.
“Massu, I…” Tegoshi trails off, like he doesn’t know how to say what’s on his mind. Masuda knows, though; he always has, in some way, even if they’ve never gone so far as to acknowledge it.
Masuda smiles at him wanly, hands coming up to cup the younger’s face, thumbs gently brushing over his cheeks in a tender sort of way. “Don’t say it,” he tells him seriously, “Not yet.” He’s not ready to hear it yet, nor is he ready to say it himself. Not when Tegoshi is about to leave.
Tegoshi bites his lower lip, looking uncertain, and Masuda makes a decision right then and there. What they have is too special to let go of so easily; not without putting up some kind of a fight. He pulls back, just enough to reach around behind his neck and unclasp the chain that’s been sitting there for the last three years. Tegoshi watches him with wide eyes, and they only get wider when Masuda leans forward and slides the chain around his neck, the ring falling to lay delicately against his chest.
“Massu…?” He looks confused and unsure, reaching up to touch the ring hesitantly. “What…”
Masuda smiles at him, brushes his knuckles over his cheek. “Think of it as a promise, okay? I’ll take it back the next time we see each other.”
Tegoshi looks like he might start crying, but he’s smiling wide, and it makes something of an endearing image. Looking at him, seeing that pretty sparkle in his eyes that he knows so well, Masuda finds that he can’t hold back anymore; he leans forward and presses his lips against the younger’s.
It’s not magical, nor is it the best kiss Masuda has even had, but it feels right, the way their lips slide together. It’s chaste and sweet and everything that Masuda has ever imagined it to be, perfect or not, and it leaves him wanting more when they finally pull apart. He watches Tegoshi through half-lidded eyes, the way the younger boy flushes, lips parted slightly, looking dazed and surprised but not unhappy.
“Okay?” Masuda whispers softly, and they’re still so close that it almost ends up being another kiss. Tegoshi slowly breaks into a grin, wide and happy, and he giggles somewhat shyly, ducking his head with a nod.
“Yeah,”
When Tegoshi finally has to break away from him, slipping into the backseat of the cab, waving at him slowly as it pulls away from the parking lot, it doesn’t feel so much like a goodbye anymore. Masuda still feels an uncomfortable ache settle in his heart as he watches the taxi disappear, but it’s not so hopeless, and he thinks, maybe, he could learn to survive in a big city like Tokyo, eventually.