[FIC] NewS - Break (With Me) [3/5]
Title: Break (With Me) [3/5]
Fandom: NewS
Pairing: Masuda/Tegoshi
Rating: PG-13 (mentions of child abuse and neglect)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: He pulls him close, arms circling his smaller form tight, and he murmurs softly, “Go to sleep, Tesshi.” He adds, a moment later, as though he knows what the younger is thinking, “I’ll be here tomorrow. I promise.”
A/N: This chapter was a serious pain to proofread, so there are probably several mistakes in there X.x Let me know if you spot any. Thanks again to everyone who left comments on the last chapter; it really makes my day to read those things :3
x Part One x Part Two x
It’s another three weeks before Masuda hears from Tegoshi again. This, in and of itself, isn’t all that strange; they’ll often go months without seeing one another, only a phone call here and there to let the other know that they’re still alive, a few texts when Masuda can spare the minutes for his cellphone and Tegoshi can actually find his. Actual contact, however, is rare, and usually goes the same way every time; the way it went the last time. Masuda tries not to think about that part, because knowing that the next time he sees his friend will involve him nursing him back to health again is painful to think about.
When he’s woken up at four in the morning by his phone ringing, however, it’s hard to keep those thoughts away, especially when he knows that there’s only one person that would ever call him so early, and never without a reason.
“Hello?” He answers groggily, squinting at the time on the digital clock’s face tiredly. The only answer he gets is the sound of soft sniffles on the other end, a quiet sob here and there. He snaps awake, hearing that, sitting up so fast he nearly makes himself dizzy. “Tesshi? What’s wrong?”
Tegoshi is silent on the other end for a long moment, so quiet that Masuda is terrified that the he’s hung up on him. But then, softly, he hears a plaintive, miserable whisper, “Massu…”
He’s already on his feet by that point, tossing on whatever clothes he can get his hands on, asking where Tegoshi is, what happened, what’s going on. His heart almost stops when Tegoshi gives him the name of the local hospital and a room number, his voice sounding cracked and raw. And then he hangs up abruptly, the line going dead.
Masuda breaks nearly every traffic law that’s ever been conceived of on the drive, so worried he can hardly see straight, and he’s fairly certain that he leaves at least two accidents in his wake. Yamakita is small, and so most of it is spread thin across a long stretch of rural country; the hospital is on the exact opposite side of town as Masuda’s motel, and it normally would take him around a half hour to make the drive.
He makes it there in fifteen minutes, parking in a handicap zone and nearly tripping over his own feet as he rushes through the sliding glass doors. He ignores the nurse that flutters over, telling him that visiting hours haven’t started yet and he can’t go in there, and he gets lost several times as he tries to find his way to the right room, finally asking for directions when he remembers to. He can hardly breath by the time he finally finds it, and when he walks in to find it empty and dark, he nearly collapses right where he stands, the blind panic from earlier melting into something more deep seated; something a bit like fear.
He’s just standing there, staring into the room, repeatedly checking the number on the door, the name on the card beside the doorway to make sure that he’s in the right place; that he didn’t misread or get turned around somehow, when he hears soft whispers, and turns his head to look. A pair of nurses -trainees, he can tell from their shirts, although their faces are unfamiliar; they’re probably on loan from one of the cities. It’s not an uncommon practice for under staffed hospitals, he’s heard-are standing nearby, watching him, whispering between themselves.
Finally, one of them speaks up, “You’re Masuda-san, right?” He blinks, stares at them blankly, and the nurse -his nametag reads Koyama- goes on with a friendly smile, “Tego-chan mentioned that you’d be coming. He’s down in ICU.”
Masuda chokes, is fairly certain he feels his heart stop at that; he may not know much about hospitals, but he knows what ICU stands for. The other nurse -his nametag reading Kato-turns and smacks his companion on the hard on the arm with a scowl. The other flinches and shrinks back at the glare that he’s given.
“What Keii means, Masuda-san,” Kato grinds out, still glaring at his companion, “is that Tegoshi is down in ICU, visiting his mother.” Here he finally turns to look at Masuda, smiling in a gentle, comforting sort of way that doesn’t quite seem to fit his face. “He’ll be back up in a few minutes, if you want to wait for him here.”
Masuda nods dazedly, his mind still racing from shock. The nurses smile -Koyama’s notably more awkward and self-conscious- and start down the hall, steps in sync as they walk. Kato hits his friend again as they pass, hissing darkly under his breath, “Give the poor guy a heart attack, why don’t you? Think before you talk next time, Keii!” while Koyama apologizes loudly, looking sheepish.
It takes Masuda a few moments to finally make himself stumble into the room, finding a chair to collapse into almost immediately, head falling into his hands. He feels dizzy, weak in the knees, a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he spends the next ten minutes just sitting there, watching the floor blankly, worrying and going over every possible scenario regarding the situation in his head. Every single one of them makes him feel sick to his stomach.
He almost doesn’t hear the quiet footsteps signaling someone shuffling into the room, he’s so wrapped up in his thoughts and troubles. But he does hear the soft voice, so painfully familiar that he wants to sob at the sound of it, “Massu…?”
When he looks up, Tegoshi is there, standing in the doorway, looking horribly tiny and vulnerable, swathed in an oversized hospital gown. He’s thinner than he was just a few weeks ago, his skin a pale, ashen shade. There are dark circles under his eyes, and while the bruise from before has long faded, a fresh one has replaced it. His left arm is sitting limply in a sling, and from where Masuda is sitting, it looks swollen. His eyes are red, puffy; he looks like he’s been crying.
Masuda is on his feet in an instant, taking two steps forward and yanking the younger boy close, arms closing around him tight. Tegoshi lets out a startled yelp, like the sudden movement causes him pain, but doesn’t fight or struggle, just sinks into Masuda’s embrace, trembling very slightly. Masuda eases his grip slightly, but doesn’t let go, half afraid that if he does, Tegoshi will vanish and he’ll never be able to find him. He buries his face into Tegoshi’s shoulder, blinking back tears, although whether they’re from relief that his friend is there and alive, or sadness at the state that he’s in, he can’t be sure.
Tegoshi lets him hold him for a while, his good hand automatically curling around Masuda’s neck, gently playing with the ends of his hair, fingers tickling the skin in a way that’s almost delicate. He doesn’t say anything, though, and Masuda’s not sure what to make of his silence. They stay like that until Tegoshi starts to lean more heavily on Masuda, his body trembling very slightly, and the older of the two realizes that he’s probably tired and weak.
He pulls back, arms still snaked around Tegoshi’s slim form, takes one look at the boy’s weary expression, and carefully leads him over to the bed, nudging him to lay down. Tegoshi goes obediently, not putting up a fuss as the older pulls the blankets up around him. Masuda moves to sit in the chair near the bed, but Tegoshi snags his hand before he can, tugs, looks pleadingly at Masuda, eyes wide.
He’s never been able to resist that look.
He waits until they’re settled in together, squeezed tight on a bed that’s only made for one person, Tegoshi pressed against his side, so close that it’s hard to tell where one of them starts and the other ends, before finally speaking, his tone soft, practically a whisper, “Tesshi… what happened?”
He doesn’t really want to know, and a part of him is deeply relieved when Tegoshi just shakes his head, presses his face against Masuda’s chest. “Please, Massu…” he whimpers out faintly, and Masuda can hear that he’s crying again. “Just… not now.”
Masuda is all to happy to let the subject drop, so he nods, holds Tegoshi close, and they stay like that for a long time after.
~***~
Tegoshi remains in the hospital for the next four days. Masuda visits him every day, after work, staying for as long as he can until the hospital staff finally has to kick him out. It’s usually either Kato, Koyama, or both that walk him out, and they’re very polite and friendly about it; apologetic, too, like they somehow know how difficult it is for Masuda to leave the younger boy behind each night. They probably do, actually; from what Masuda has gathered, Tegoshi has made fast friends out of both of them, and according to the two nurses, the only thing the teenager ever really talks about is Masuda. Or soccer; he talks about soccer a lot, too.
Masuda doesn’t mind much; both Kato and Koyama are pleasant company, and he’s glad that Tegoshi has people looking out for him when he can’t be there.
Despite the good terms he’s on with the staff, though, they won’t tell him anything about the situation that Tegoshi is in. Every time he asks, they give him a sad look and recite the “we can’t divulge that information if you’re not a family member” line. Tegoshi flatly refuses to talk about it, and Masuda doesn’t want to push him. But he worries, so much, especially when Tegoshi spends most of his time in the hospital when Masuda isn’t there down in ICU with his mother. She hasn’t woken up yet, and the most that Masuda has managed to squeeze out of anyone is that things are still touch and go.
No one has seen or heard from the boy’s father since the initial incident.
On the fifth day, Masuda gets a call in the middle of day while he’s at work. Not that he’s actually working; he hasn’t gotten much done since the start of the week, and he really only shows up for appearances’ sake, at this point. He’s lucky his boss is fond of him, really, or he might have gotten into trouble. He doesn’t check the caller ID before answering, so he’s startled when he hears Tegoshi’s voice on the other end, “Massu? It’s me.”
He blinks, sits up a little straighter, worry bubbling up. “Tesshi? Is everything okay?” He suddenly feels panicked. Tegoshi never calls him at work unless something is wrong; the younger boy has always been very conscious about that sort of thing, worried that he might get Masuda into trouble. “Did something happen?”
Tegoshi laughs, and something about it sounds very, very wrong. “No,” he says, but Masuda’s not sure he believes him. “I just…. Can you come pick me up? I’m being discharged.”
Masuda is surprised, but recovers almost immediately. “Yeah,” He’s already standing, grabbing his coat. His coworkers are watching him curiously, but he ignores them, cellphone balanced on his shoulder as he searches his desk for his keys. “Yeah, I’ll be right there.”
He’s immensely glad that his work place is significantly closer to the hospital than his motel. It takes him longer to inform his boss that he’s taking the rest of the day off than it does to actually get there, and he parks in the closest free space to the front entrance that he can find, shuts off the engine, and stumbles over his own feet as he scrambles out of the car and across the street.
Tegoshi is sitting outside on one of the classy stone benches that were added a few months ago when the hospital went through a “refitting”. His injured arm is still in the sling, although it looks better than it did the first time Masuda saw it, and the clothes that he’s wearing are wrinkled and dirty; probably the same ones he arrived in days earlier. Masuda feels guilty for a moment, wonders why he hadn’t thought to bring him at least a clean shirt during his visits. The younger boy glances up when Masuda reaches him, and although he looks tired and in bad shape, he smiles anyway.
Masuda ignores the fact that it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Hey,” he greets, somewhat hesitantly. He’s not really sure what to say, but that seems like a good place to start. Absently, he scratches the back of his head, feeling oddly awkward. “Do you, um… need any help? To the car, I mean…”
Tegoshi’s smile widens just a bit, becomes just a little bit more sincere, and Masuda relaxes automatically at the sight of it. The younger nods to the spot beside him on the bench, where a small vase full of a random assortment of flowers is sitting, unnoticed by Masuda until now. “Could you…?”
Masuda jumps for it. “Yeah. Sure.”
It really is a nice arrangement, he notes as he lifts it up, holding it carefully. Not expensive or anything, but nicely made. There are lots of colors, and Masuda’s not good enough with flowers to identify them all, but he’s pretty sure there’s a carnation in there somewhere. Maybe.
Tegoshi answers the unasked question without being prompted, “They’re from KoyaShige.” Masuda laughs quietly at the nickname, shaking his head in amusement as he carefully balances the vase in one arm, the other automatically wrapping around Tegoshi, his hand falling to the small of the younger’s back as he leads him into the parking lot. Tegoshi goes on, “Well, more from Keii-chan than from Shige, really. He was complaining that my room was ‘too boring’.” He laughs here, and Masuda is relieved to hear that it’s not entirely forced. “They were talking about balloons when the doctor said I could leave.”
Masuda chuckles quietly, waits for Tegoshi to go on, but the younger seems to be finished speaking. It takes them a minute to get him settled into the car; the sling makes it something of challenge to get his seat belt on, and after a point, Masuda ends up having to do it for him, before settling in on the driver’s side.
The drive is quiet, and when they hit the first stop light, Masuda debates on where to take the younger boy. He wants to drive back to his motel, call his job to let them know he’s not coming back today, and stay with Tegoshi, for as long as it takes until things are okay again. But he’s not sure if that’s really the best thing to do; he doesn’t want his friend to get into any trouble. Tegoshi doesn’t look like he could handle any trouble.
In the end, he decides that the best thing for both of them is to stick together. He doesn’t think he’d be able to live with himself if he left Tegoshi alone right now, and anyway, he wants to keep the younger boy where he can take care of him. They’d figure everything else out when it needed attention.
After a while, the silence starts to bother Masuda. He bites his lower lip, and finally, glancing at Tegoshi out of the corner of his eye, tries to start a conversation. “So… how’s your mother doing?” Tegoshi doesn’t answer, just keeps staring out the window. Wondering whether or not he heard, Masuda tries again. “Do the doctors know when she’s going to wake up?”
The response is so soft and tiny that Masuda nearly misses it. When he does make sense of it, he nearly slams on the break pedal in surprise. “She’s not.”
Turning a questioning glance at the younger, he finds that Tegoshi is pointedly looking away from him. Swallowing the lump that has taken up residence in his throat, Masuda ignores the unsettled feeling in his stomach, dreading what he would hear but needing to know anyway. “…Tesshi?”
When Tegoshi finally turns to look at him, his eyes are glimmering; he’s fighting back tears. “She’s dead, Massu.” Masuda stares at him with wide eyes, speechless and uncertain of what to do; what to say. Behind them, a car honks its horn several times before the driver gets tired of waiting and pulls around them. Tegoshi continues shakily, “Last night… her heart stopped. They couldn’t…” His voice cracks, “…they couldn’t bring her back.”
Masuda is quiet, refocusing on the road, finding the closest place to pull off and park. The minute the car is still and out of the way of traffic, he turns where he sits and pulls Tegoshi to him. It’s awkward and somewhat painful -the armrest between their seats digs into their stomachs, the seatbelts pulling uncomfortably across their chests, and they both have to contort into an odd position to make it work- but Tegoshi clings to him harder than he’s ever done so before, and Masuda can’t even consider the idea of letting him go.
“You idiot,” he mumbles softly into the younger’s shoulder, half afraid that if he holds him as tight as he wants to, he might break him in half. “Why didn’t you call me?”
Tegoshi doesn’t say anything, but Masuda hadn’t really been expecting him to. They sit like that for a while. Masuda can’t think of anything to say -words feel empty at this point, hollow and useless-and anyway, he’s not really sure if Tegoshi really needs to hear anything. Nothing he could possibly say will make the pain any easier to bear; he knows that, better than anyone. He’d been there, in the same place the younger boy is in right now, three years earlier. Only he’d had people to lean on back then; his sister, his father, his friends.
All Tegoshi has is Masuda.
After a while, they have to pull apart. Tegoshi is sniffling softly, and he rubs at his eyes with his good hand as he sits back. Masuda hesitates, then reaches out and brushes back his bangs with gentle fingers. The smile he gets in response is weak, but it’s something. After a quiet moment, the younger finally murmurs, voice sounding raw from the suppressed tears, “Can we go home now, Massu?”
Masuda nods, doesn’t say anything as he restarts the car and pulls back onto the road. When he’s not shifting gears, his free hand stays settled on Tegoshi’s leg, steadying and comforting.
The trip takes longer than Masuda likes, but he suspects a part of that is just because he’s impatient and unsettled. By the time they finally pull into the parking lot, he’s itching to reach over and pull Tegoshi back to him. The younger boy has on a horribly lost, broken expression, and Masuda can’t stand to see it there. Almost robotically, he removes the key from the ignition, leans over to unbuckle Tegoshi’s seatbelt before slipping out himself. He rounds the car to help the younger out, and together they move towards his room.
When they’re finally inside, shoes hastily kicked off and jackets haphazardly tossed aside, they nearly trip over themselves trying to reach each other. Tegoshi all but falls right into Masuda’s waiting arms, and the instant the older boy has him, finally lets himself break down.
It’s a long time before they move, and even then, it’s only for Masuda to scoot back, Tegoshi still clutching at his shirt, until their knees hit the bed, and then they’re sitting, Tegoshi half on top of the older boy and not showing any sign of leaving that spot any time soon. It takes a long time for him to finally cry himself out, and eventually he settles into soft hiccups and sniffles. Masuda’s familiar enough with the signs to know that he’d still be sobbing if he had the energy. As it is, he’s tired himself out, and his head lolls against Masuda’s shoulder weakly, seemingly lacking the strength to lift it.
“Okay?” Masuda asks softly, glancing down at the dark head nestled against his neck. Tegoshi nods slowly with a quiet sniff, and Masuda absently moves to stroke his hair affectionately. “You want to talk about it?”
He’s honestly expecting a ‘no’, or maybe just no answer at all, so he’s surprised when Tegoshi pauses for a long moment before finally whispering softly, voice hoarse and scratchy, “It was my fault.” Masuda opens his mouth to protest that, because even if he doesn’t know the full story, he knows Tegoshi, and the younger boy can’t possibly be to blame, but Tegoshi keeps talking. “I… I told him I was leaving, Massu.”
Masuda’s mouth drops open, and for a moment, he’s not sure if he heard that right. But Tegoshi looks up at him, blinking back fresh tears, and anything he could possibly say about it suddenly seems horribly, horribly inadequate.
Tegoshi sniffs softly, rubs away at the wetness still clinging to his cheeks. He smiles suddenly, and although it’s sad, there’s an honest happiness there that Masuda hasn’t seen on the younger’s face in ages. “Massu… I got a callback.”
It takes a moment for it to click in Masuda’s mind. “The audition.” He realizes, somewhat numbly.
Tegoshi nods. “They want to send me to Tokyo, for training.” He laughs here, but it sounds somewhat bitter. “They said I needed “parental consent” when I went to see them. Gave me some form to have my parents sign.” He looks back up at Masuda, and suddenly he seems tiny again, fragile and delicate. “I didn’t think she’d do it, Massu. When I told her what it was… I thought she’d tell me ‘no’.” He starts to crumbled, just a bit, and Masuda realizes in something of a panic that he’s probably going to start crying again. “She didn’t even read it; just smiled at me and signed it and kissed my cheek.” A whimper. “Why’d she do that?”
Masuda smoothes a hand down his back comfortingly. “Your Mom loves you, Tesshi.” He tells the younger softly. “You know that. She just wanted you to be happy.”
Tegoshi nods, because he knows it’s true. He drops his head back against Masuda’s shoulder, curling around him just a little bit tighter. He doesn’t go on for a few moments, just quietly sitting there in Masuda’s arms. When he finally does start talking about, Masuda is so surprised by it that he nearly jumps.
“He was so angry when he found out. I’ve never seen him like that…” Tegoshi shudders just a little bit, like he always does when he’s forced to remember his father during a bad episode. Masuda runs his hands across his shoulders, down his back soothingly, urging him to go on. “And Mom… she yelled at him. She’s never done that before… and then they were fighting, and… and…” He trails off, and Masuda doesn’t need to hear anymore. He can put the last few pieces together himself.
They’re quiet after that, for a long time. There’s really not much left to say, and all Masuda can think of doing right then is keeping Tegoshi close. He goes back over the conversation in his mind, but the part that keeps pulling his attention back is Tegoshi’s whispered, “They want to send me to Tokyo.”
Tokyo. It’s so far away… Like a different world. And Tegoshi… Tegoshi will probably go, won’t he? It’s not like he has anything holding him to this tiny little town; not now that his mother’s gone. And really, Masuda is happy for him. All he’s ever wanted was for the younger boy to have the chance to live the life he’s always deserved. And now he has it…
But despite that, the older boy can’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach that comes with the idea of Tegoshi leaving him behind. He always knew it would happen, but somehow, he’d hoped that it wouldn’t.
“So…” he murmurs softly, cheek resting against Tegoshi’s hair, trying to swallow the thick lump in his throat. “You’re really getting out of here, aren’t you?”
Tegoshi stills, and then lets out a slow, shuddering breath, like he can’t believe it himself. “I… I guess so. Massu…” He looks up, eyes painfully wide. Masuda has a hard time meeting them. “…I’m really leaving…”
The older boy forces a smile, but it feels horribly fake, and he knows Tegoshi can probably see right through. “That… that’s good.” He says, and it doesn’t come out at all convincing. “I’m happy for you.”
Looking at Tegoshi’s face, he wonders if maybe that was the wrong answer.
Fandom: NewS
Pairing: Masuda/Tegoshi
Rating: PG-13 (mentions of child abuse and neglect)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: He pulls him close, arms circling his smaller form tight, and he murmurs softly, “Go to sleep, Tesshi.” He adds, a moment later, as though he knows what the younger is thinking, “I’ll be here tomorrow. I promise.”
A/N: This chapter was a serious pain to proofread, so there are probably several mistakes in there X.x Let me know if you spot any. Thanks again to everyone who left comments on the last chapter; it really makes my day to read those things :3
x Part One x Part Two x
It’s another three weeks before Masuda hears from Tegoshi again. This, in and of itself, isn’t all that strange; they’ll often go months without seeing one another, only a phone call here and there to let the other know that they’re still alive, a few texts when Masuda can spare the minutes for his cellphone and Tegoshi can actually find his. Actual contact, however, is rare, and usually goes the same way every time; the way it went the last time. Masuda tries not to think about that part, because knowing that the next time he sees his friend will involve him nursing him back to health again is painful to think about.
When he’s woken up at four in the morning by his phone ringing, however, it’s hard to keep those thoughts away, especially when he knows that there’s only one person that would ever call him so early, and never without a reason.
“Hello?” He answers groggily, squinting at the time on the digital clock’s face tiredly. The only answer he gets is the sound of soft sniffles on the other end, a quiet sob here and there. He snaps awake, hearing that, sitting up so fast he nearly makes himself dizzy. “Tesshi? What’s wrong?”
Tegoshi is silent on the other end for a long moment, so quiet that Masuda is terrified that the he’s hung up on him. But then, softly, he hears a plaintive, miserable whisper, “Massu…”
He’s already on his feet by that point, tossing on whatever clothes he can get his hands on, asking where Tegoshi is, what happened, what’s going on. His heart almost stops when Tegoshi gives him the name of the local hospital and a room number, his voice sounding cracked and raw. And then he hangs up abruptly, the line going dead.
Masuda breaks nearly every traffic law that’s ever been conceived of on the drive, so worried he can hardly see straight, and he’s fairly certain that he leaves at least two accidents in his wake. Yamakita is small, and so most of it is spread thin across a long stretch of rural country; the hospital is on the exact opposite side of town as Masuda’s motel, and it normally would take him around a half hour to make the drive.
He makes it there in fifteen minutes, parking in a handicap zone and nearly tripping over his own feet as he rushes through the sliding glass doors. He ignores the nurse that flutters over, telling him that visiting hours haven’t started yet and he can’t go in there, and he gets lost several times as he tries to find his way to the right room, finally asking for directions when he remembers to. He can hardly breath by the time he finally finds it, and when he walks in to find it empty and dark, he nearly collapses right where he stands, the blind panic from earlier melting into something more deep seated; something a bit like fear.
He’s just standing there, staring into the room, repeatedly checking the number on the door, the name on the card beside the doorway to make sure that he’s in the right place; that he didn’t misread or get turned around somehow, when he hears soft whispers, and turns his head to look. A pair of nurses -trainees, he can tell from their shirts, although their faces are unfamiliar; they’re probably on loan from one of the cities. It’s not an uncommon practice for under staffed hospitals, he’s heard-are standing nearby, watching him, whispering between themselves.
Finally, one of them speaks up, “You’re Masuda-san, right?” He blinks, stares at them blankly, and the nurse -his nametag reads Koyama- goes on with a friendly smile, “Tego-chan mentioned that you’d be coming. He’s down in ICU.”
Masuda chokes, is fairly certain he feels his heart stop at that; he may not know much about hospitals, but he knows what ICU stands for. The other nurse -his nametag reading Kato-turns and smacks his companion on the hard on the arm with a scowl. The other flinches and shrinks back at the glare that he’s given.
“What Keii means, Masuda-san,” Kato grinds out, still glaring at his companion, “is that Tegoshi is down in ICU, visiting his mother.” Here he finally turns to look at Masuda, smiling in a gentle, comforting sort of way that doesn’t quite seem to fit his face. “He’ll be back up in a few minutes, if you want to wait for him here.”
Masuda nods dazedly, his mind still racing from shock. The nurses smile -Koyama’s notably more awkward and self-conscious- and start down the hall, steps in sync as they walk. Kato hits his friend again as they pass, hissing darkly under his breath, “Give the poor guy a heart attack, why don’t you? Think before you talk next time, Keii!” while Koyama apologizes loudly, looking sheepish.
It takes Masuda a few moments to finally make himself stumble into the room, finding a chair to collapse into almost immediately, head falling into his hands. He feels dizzy, weak in the knees, a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he spends the next ten minutes just sitting there, watching the floor blankly, worrying and going over every possible scenario regarding the situation in his head. Every single one of them makes him feel sick to his stomach.
He almost doesn’t hear the quiet footsteps signaling someone shuffling into the room, he’s so wrapped up in his thoughts and troubles. But he does hear the soft voice, so painfully familiar that he wants to sob at the sound of it, “Massu…?”
When he looks up, Tegoshi is there, standing in the doorway, looking horribly tiny and vulnerable, swathed in an oversized hospital gown. He’s thinner than he was just a few weeks ago, his skin a pale, ashen shade. There are dark circles under his eyes, and while the bruise from before has long faded, a fresh one has replaced it. His left arm is sitting limply in a sling, and from where Masuda is sitting, it looks swollen. His eyes are red, puffy; he looks like he’s been crying.
Masuda is on his feet in an instant, taking two steps forward and yanking the younger boy close, arms closing around him tight. Tegoshi lets out a startled yelp, like the sudden movement causes him pain, but doesn’t fight or struggle, just sinks into Masuda’s embrace, trembling very slightly. Masuda eases his grip slightly, but doesn’t let go, half afraid that if he does, Tegoshi will vanish and he’ll never be able to find him. He buries his face into Tegoshi’s shoulder, blinking back tears, although whether they’re from relief that his friend is there and alive, or sadness at the state that he’s in, he can’t be sure.
Tegoshi lets him hold him for a while, his good hand automatically curling around Masuda’s neck, gently playing with the ends of his hair, fingers tickling the skin in a way that’s almost delicate. He doesn’t say anything, though, and Masuda’s not sure what to make of his silence. They stay like that until Tegoshi starts to lean more heavily on Masuda, his body trembling very slightly, and the older of the two realizes that he’s probably tired and weak.
He pulls back, arms still snaked around Tegoshi’s slim form, takes one look at the boy’s weary expression, and carefully leads him over to the bed, nudging him to lay down. Tegoshi goes obediently, not putting up a fuss as the older pulls the blankets up around him. Masuda moves to sit in the chair near the bed, but Tegoshi snags his hand before he can, tugs, looks pleadingly at Masuda, eyes wide.
He’s never been able to resist that look.
He waits until they’re settled in together, squeezed tight on a bed that’s only made for one person, Tegoshi pressed against his side, so close that it’s hard to tell where one of them starts and the other ends, before finally speaking, his tone soft, practically a whisper, “Tesshi… what happened?”
He doesn’t really want to know, and a part of him is deeply relieved when Tegoshi just shakes his head, presses his face against Masuda’s chest. “Please, Massu…” he whimpers out faintly, and Masuda can hear that he’s crying again. “Just… not now.”
Masuda is all to happy to let the subject drop, so he nods, holds Tegoshi close, and they stay like that for a long time after.
~***~
Tegoshi remains in the hospital for the next four days. Masuda visits him every day, after work, staying for as long as he can until the hospital staff finally has to kick him out. It’s usually either Kato, Koyama, or both that walk him out, and they’re very polite and friendly about it; apologetic, too, like they somehow know how difficult it is for Masuda to leave the younger boy behind each night. They probably do, actually; from what Masuda has gathered, Tegoshi has made fast friends out of both of them, and according to the two nurses, the only thing the teenager ever really talks about is Masuda. Or soccer; he talks about soccer a lot, too.
Masuda doesn’t mind much; both Kato and Koyama are pleasant company, and he’s glad that Tegoshi has people looking out for him when he can’t be there.
Despite the good terms he’s on with the staff, though, they won’t tell him anything about the situation that Tegoshi is in. Every time he asks, they give him a sad look and recite the “we can’t divulge that information if you’re not a family member” line. Tegoshi flatly refuses to talk about it, and Masuda doesn’t want to push him. But he worries, so much, especially when Tegoshi spends most of his time in the hospital when Masuda isn’t there down in ICU with his mother. She hasn’t woken up yet, and the most that Masuda has managed to squeeze out of anyone is that things are still touch and go.
No one has seen or heard from the boy’s father since the initial incident.
On the fifth day, Masuda gets a call in the middle of day while he’s at work. Not that he’s actually working; he hasn’t gotten much done since the start of the week, and he really only shows up for appearances’ sake, at this point. He’s lucky his boss is fond of him, really, or he might have gotten into trouble. He doesn’t check the caller ID before answering, so he’s startled when he hears Tegoshi’s voice on the other end, “Massu? It’s me.”
He blinks, sits up a little straighter, worry bubbling up. “Tesshi? Is everything okay?” He suddenly feels panicked. Tegoshi never calls him at work unless something is wrong; the younger boy has always been very conscious about that sort of thing, worried that he might get Masuda into trouble. “Did something happen?”
Tegoshi laughs, and something about it sounds very, very wrong. “No,” he says, but Masuda’s not sure he believes him. “I just…. Can you come pick me up? I’m being discharged.”
Masuda is surprised, but recovers almost immediately. “Yeah,” He’s already standing, grabbing his coat. His coworkers are watching him curiously, but he ignores them, cellphone balanced on his shoulder as he searches his desk for his keys. “Yeah, I’ll be right there.”
He’s immensely glad that his work place is significantly closer to the hospital than his motel. It takes him longer to inform his boss that he’s taking the rest of the day off than it does to actually get there, and he parks in the closest free space to the front entrance that he can find, shuts off the engine, and stumbles over his own feet as he scrambles out of the car and across the street.
Tegoshi is sitting outside on one of the classy stone benches that were added a few months ago when the hospital went through a “refitting”. His injured arm is still in the sling, although it looks better than it did the first time Masuda saw it, and the clothes that he’s wearing are wrinkled and dirty; probably the same ones he arrived in days earlier. Masuda feels guilty for a moment, wonders why he hadn’t thought to bring him at least a clean shirt during his visits. The younger boy glances up when Masuda reaches him, and although he looks tired and in bad shape, he smiles anyway.
Masuda ignores the fact that it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Hey,” he greets, somewhat hesitantly. He’s not really sure what to say, but that seems like a good place to start. Absently, he scratches the back of his head, feeling oddly awkward. “Do you, um… need any help? To the car, I mean…”
Tegoshi’s smile widens just a bit, becomes just a little bit more sincere, and Masuda relaxes automatically at the sight of it. The younger nods to the spot beside him on the bench, where a small vase full of a random assortment of flowers is sitting, unnoticed by Masuda until now. “Could you…?”
Masuda jumps for it. “Yeah. Sure.”
It really is a nice arrangement, he notes as he lifts it up, holding it carefully. Not expensive or anything, but nicely made. There are lots of colors, and Masuda’s not good enough with flowers to identify them all, but he’s pretty sure there’s a carnation in there somewhere. Maybe.
Tegoshi answers the unasked question without being prompted, “They’re from KoyaShige.” Masuda laughs quietly at the nickname, shaking his head in amusement as he carefully balances the vase in one arm, the other automatically wrapping around Tegoshi, his hand falling to the small of the younger’s back as he leads him into the parking lot. Tegoshi goes on, “Well, more from Keii-chan than from Shige, really. He was complaining that my room was ‘too boring’.” He laughs here, and Masuda is relieved to hear that it’s not entirely forced. “They were talking about balloons when the doctor said I could leave.”
Masuda chuckles quietly, waits for Tegoshi to go on, but the younger seems to be finished speaking. It takes them a minute to get him settled into the car; the sling makes it something of challenge to get his seat belt on, and after a point, Masuda ends up having to do it for him, before settling in on the driver’s side.
The drive is quiet, and when they hit the first stop light, Masuda debates on where to take the younger boy. He wants to drive back to his motel, call his job to let them know he’s not coming back today, and stay with Tegoshi, for as long as it takes until things are okay again. But he’s not sure if that’s really the best thing to do; he doesn’t want his friend to get into any trouble. Tegoshi doesn’t look like he could handle any trouble.
In the end, he decides that the best thing for both of them is to stick together. He doesn’t think he’d be able to live with himself if he left Tegoshi alone right now, and anyway, he wants to keep the younger boy where he can take care of him. They’d figure everything else out when it needed attention.
After a while, the silence starts to bother Masuda. He bites his lower lip, and finally, glancing at Tegoshi out of the corner of his eye, tries to start a conversation. “So… how’s your mother doing?” Tegoshi doesn’t answer, just keeps staring out the window. Wondering whether or not he heard, Masuda tries again. “Do the doctors know when she’s going to wake up?”
The response is so soft and tiny that Masuda nearly misses it. When he does make sense of it, he nearly slams on the break pedal in surprise. “She’s not.”
Turning a questioning glance at the younger, he finds that Tegoshi is pointedly looking away from him. Swallowing the lump that has taken up residence in his throat, Masuda ignores the unsettled feeling in his stomach, dreading what he would hear but needing to know anyway. “…Tesshi?”
When Tegoshi finally turns to look at him, his eyes are glimmering; he’s fighting back tears. “She’s dead, Massu.” Masuda stares at him with wide eyes, speechless and uncertain of what to do; what to say. Behind them, a car honks its horn several times before the driver gets tired of waiting and pulls around them. Tegoshi continues shakily, “Last night… her heart stopped. They couldn’t…” His voice cracks, “…they couldn’t bring her back.”
Masuda is quiet, refocusing on the road, finding the closest place to pull off and park. The minute the car is still and out of the way of traffic, he turns where he sits and pulls Tegoshi to him. It’s awkward and somewhat painful -the armrest between their seats digs into their stomachs, the seatbelts pulling uncomfortably across their chests, and they both have to contort into an odd position to make it work- but Tegoshi clings to him harder than he’s ever done so before, and Masuda can’t even consider the idea of letting him go.
“You idiot,” he mumbles softly into the younger’s shoulder, half afraid that if he holds him as tight as he wants to, he might break him in half. “Why didn’t you call me?”
Tegoshi doesn’t say anything, but Masuda hadn’t really been expecting him to. They sit like that for a while. Masuda can’t think of anything to say -words feel empty at this point, hollow and useless-and anyway, he’s not really sure if Tegoshi really needs to hear anything. Nothing he could possibly say will make the pain any easier to bear; he knows that, better than anyone. He’d been there, in the same place the younger boy is in right now, three years earlier. Only he’d had people to lean on back then; his sister, his father, his friends.
All Tegoshi has is Masuda.
After a while, they have to pull apart. Tegoshi is sniffling softly, and he rubs at his eyes with his good hand as he sits back. Masuda hesitates, then reaches out and brushes back his bangs with gentle fingers. The smile he gets in response is weak, but it’s something. After a quiet moment, the younger finally murmurs, voice sounding raw from the suppressed tears, “Can we go home now, Massu?”
Masuda nods, doesn’t say anything as he restarts the car and pulls back onto the road. When he’s not shifting gears, his free hand stays settled on Tegoshi’s leg, steadying and comforting.
The trip takes longer than Masuda likes, but he suspects a part of that is just because he’s impatient and unsettled. By the time they finally pull into the parking lot, he’s itching to reach over and pull Tegoshi back to him. The younger boy has on a horribly lost, broken expression, and Masuda can’t stand to see it there. Almost robotically, he removes the key from the ignition, leans over to unbuckle Tegoshi’s seatbelt before slipping out himself. He rounds the car to help the younger out, and together they move towards his room.
When they’re finally inside, shoes hastily kicked off and jackets haphazardly tossed aside, they nearly trip over themselves trying to reach each other. Tegoshi all but falls right into Masuda’s waiting arms, and the instant the older boy has him, finally lets himself break down.
It’s a long time before they move, and even then, it’s only for Masuda to scoot back, Tegoshi still clutching at his shirt, until their knees hit the bed, and then they’re sitting, Tegoshi half on top of the older boy and not showing any sign of leaving that spot any time soon. It takes a long time for him to finally cry himself out, and eventually he settles into soft hiccups and sniffles. Masuda’s familiar enough with the signs to know that he’d still be sobbing if he had the energy. As it is, he’s tired himself out, and his head lolls against Masuda’s shoulder weakly, seemingly lacking the strength to lift it.
“Okay?” Masuda asks softly, glancing down at the dark head nestled against his neck. Tegoshi nods slowly with a quiet sniff, and Masuda absently moves to stroke his hair affectionately. “You want to talk about it?”
He’s honestly expecting a ‘no’, or maybe just no answer at all, so he’s surprised when Tegoshi pauses for a long moment before finally whispering softly, voice hoarse and scratchy, “It was my fault.” Masuda opens his mouth to protest that, because even if he doesn’t know the full story, he knows Tegoshi, and the younger boy can’t possibly be to blame, but Tegoshi keeps talking. “I… I told him I was leaving, Massu.”
Masuda’s mouth drops open, and for a moment, he’s not sure if he heard that right. But Tegoshi looks up at him, blinking back fresh tears, and anything he could possibly say about it suddenly seems horribly, horribly inadequate.
Tegoshi sniffs softly, rubs away at the wetness still clinging to his cheeks. He smiles suddenly, and although it’s sad, there’s an honest happiness there that Masuda hasn’t seen on the younger’s face in ages. “Massu… I got a callback.”
It takes a moment for it to click in Masuda’s mind. “The audition.” He realizes, somewhat numbly.
Tegoshi nods. “They want to send me to Tokyo, for training.” He laughs here, but it sounds somewhat bitter. “They said I needed “parental consent” when I went to see them. Gave me some form to have my parents sign.” He looks back up at Masuda, and suddenly he seems tiny again, fragile and delicate. “I didn’t think she’d do it, Massu. When I told her what it was… I thought she’d tell me ‘no’.” He starts to crumbled, just a bit, and Masuda realizes in something of a panic that he’s probably going to start crying again. “She didn’t even read it; just smiled at me and signed it and kissed my cheek.” A whimper. “Why’d she do that?”
Masuda smoothes a hand down his back comfortingly. “Your Mom loves you, Tesshi.” He tells the younger softly. “You know that. She just wanted you to be happy.”
Tegoshi nods, because he knows it’s true. He drops his head back against Masuda’s shoulder, curling around him just a little bit tighter. He doesn’t go on for a few moments, just quietly sitting there in Masuda’s arms. When he finally does start talking about, Masuda is so surprised by it that he nearly jumps.
“He was so angry when he found out. I’ve never seen him like that…” Tegoshi shudders just a little bit, like he always does when he’s forced to remember his father during a bad episode. Masuda runs his hands across his shoulders, down his back soothingly, urging him to go on. “And Mom… she yelled at him. She’s never done that before… and then they were fighting, and… and…” He trails off, and Masuda doesn’t need to hear anymore. He can put the last few pieces together himself.
They’re quiet after that, for a long time. There’s really not much left to say, and all Masuda can think of doing right then is keeping Tegoshi close. He goes back over the conversation in his mind, but the part that keeps pulling his attention back is Tegoshi’s whispered, “They want to send me to Tokyo.”
Tokyo. It’s so far away… Like a different world. And Tegoshi… Tegoshi will probably go, won’t he? It’s not like he has anything holding him to this tiny little town; not now that his mother’s gone. And really, Masuda is happy for him. All he’s ever wanted was for the younger boy to have the chance to live the life he’s always deserved. And now he has it…
But despite that, the older boy can’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach that comes with the idea of Tegoshi leaving him behind. He always knew it would happen, but somehow, he’d hoped that it wouldn’t.
“So…” he murmurs softly, cheek resting against Tegoshi’s hair, trying to swallow the thick lump in his throat. “You’re really getting out of here, aren’t you?”
Tegoshi stills, and then lets out a slow, shuddering breath, like he can’t believe it himself. “I… I guess so. Massu…” He looks up, eyes painfully wide. Masuda has a hard time meeting them. “…I’m really leaving…”
The older boy forces a smile, but it feels horribly fake, and he knows Tegoshi can probably see right through. “That… that’s good.” He says, and it doesn’t come out at all convincing. “I’m happy for you.”
Looking at Tegoshi’s face, he wonders if maybe that was the wrong answer.