Old post, that livejournal ate... will it post now? I wrote this about 4 months ago.
Times are hard... I just recently changed jobs, I am now a server.. once again. The uncertainty of income has put a knot in my stomach.... a very old familiar feel. I'm sure I will do fine but that feeling is there.... I am uncertain of myself.. something I have been working on for a while now. I have had gotten better but recent events prove to me I still have shit to work on..... Yeah. Pretty fucking stupid...... I know I can succeed in anything I put my mind too, so what's the big deal? Why do I keep reverting back into the questionable state of mind. Always wondering and worrying. I will be fine, everything will turn out ok and no matter what happens shit will work out. Gotta keep moving forward into the unknown abyss....
Scott told me the other day his tax's he had saved for the end of the year shit got spent a few months after finding the "new" now old cleaning job.... He just got (Let go) although he didnt do shit wrong... trying to better the company and make his job more bearable.. What kind of janitorial business doesnt have garbage bags or new mop heads, gloves or just simple shit to clean with??? He updated his boss frequently about each business and the inventory and how it some places were low on this or out of that and the boss saw that is him being a complainer and lowering moral.. having a negative attitude. Months of next to no progress and then the paychecks started to be short on hours worked. Well that's where he drew the line and he stepped in. Not going to let shit like that slide, he talked to the wife of the company to try and get things right.. His boss got pissed because inventory is his job "how dare him talk to the wife" and that was the end of his employment with them... Not even the half of the bullshit he put up with but I dont feel its necessary to go on about the every day bullshit he was dealing with.... point is he lost his full time job and now only has the part time job. When he already wasnt surviving and had to dip into the tax money. He didnt tell me he was struggling and I quit my job with 40 hours guaranteed at $9 an hour. FUCK. We should be OK but for fucks sake.... Why cant he talk to me about shit? Instead mention it when were really stressed out, after the fact I gave up a shit job but guaranteed income??? I've been pulling 14 hour days with the transition from old fulltime job to new fulltime job with the last 2 weeks, I'm pretty tired and stressed out!.... What a wonderful surprise too add. Ugh. Still have the part time job and now the server job.. *sigh* the main concern I have right now is the electricity because it fluctuates. I dont like it.
With the hourly income I should have rent and my car payment, the new job is close enough to home that if I need to I can walk.. that's a wonderful option to have.... Credit card, electric and car repair bills are what I will need to scrounge for with tips. IF I've calculated everything correctly.... I can only hope. He has 400 dollars left on his loan and then he is in the clear and at that point can start to work on his massive credit card bill..... That's the financial situation. Its a tight rope... but we will make it as long as we play our cards right. Scott just got about 15 more hours on this next week at the new part time job because someone got let go and they like him. If only that was comforting to me right now.. Just hearing the words... should help but I've seen so many things go sour even after "its said to get better" and then on goes reason's why. I'll feel better when I can see the changes and numbers start coming in. Just keeping moving forward....
My closest friend is in a bad living situation.... she's been approved to move into the apartment complex I'm in.... everything was going well and things are paid, its just a matter of waiting and time before the new place is clean and ready. Well that is until I fucked up. She texted me saying that the people they are living with didnt pay their electric bill and everything was shut off. I'd planned on calling the landlord to get the ceiling fan installed today and mentioned ferret sitting. The landlord that deals with people had mentioned she would talk to her boss the "real landlord/maintenance man" and to let her know what was said and if sitting was still needed. She should hopefully have an answer later and to keep her updated." Well Like I said, I also had to call about the ceiling fan being installed. I mentioned it then and he freaked out about ferrets. They dont allow ferrets here, they stink, they destroy things.... I didnt even know what to say because from what I heard the onsite landlord had approved them. (?????) Big huge confusion there... I just dont know (which makes it completely not my fault because honestly how would I have known if the landlord had just "forgot" to mention the ferrets to the big guy"..... I basically fucked up pretty bad simply put because I was trying to help someone out.... sticking my neck out for a friend, that's my crime. Because of me they now cant have the ferrets... and its my fault... Really fucking nice... and big cheer's go out to me, I should have continued on with my day and shrugged off her problems and left them as HER problems...... Nice huh? Fucking selfish much?.. I cant believe that just happened.... They paid an extra $300 bucks for the ferrets from what I was told as well. First mistake, trying to help. Second I didnt think before I called, I called with good intentions but I handed out too much information and because of it they are fucked in that sense.. I dont even know if they get the place? or if they just had to get rid of the ferrets and were still ok to move in. I wanted to help, it was said to be 89 degrees out there. I'm really torn on how I should feel on the situation. Everything is my fault... but how the fuck whould I have known, fuck they had been approved! Really pissed and sad...... that's not what I wanted to happen....
Too much going on right now... trying to move forward and keep in good spirits but its fucking hard.. I dont like this fucking world and its corrupt ways.
Scott told me the other day his tax's he had saved for the end of the year shit got spent a few months after finding the "new" now old cleaning job.... He just got (Let go) although he didnt do shit wrong... trying to better the company and make his job more bearable.. What kind of janitorial business doesnt have garbage bags or new mop heads, gloves or just simple shit to clean with??? He updated his boss frequently about each business and the inventory and how it some places were low on this or out of that and the boss saw that is him being a complainer and lowering moral.. having a negative attitude. Months of next to no progress and then the paychecks started to be short on hours worked. Well that's where he drew the line and he stepped in. Not going to let shit like that slide, he talked to the wife of the company to try and get things right.. His boss got pissed because inventory is his job "how dare him talk to the wife" and that was the end of his employment with them... Not even the half of the bullshit he put up with but I dont feel its necessary to go on about the every day bullshit he was dealing with.... point is he lost his full time job and now only has the part time job. When he already wasnt surviving and had to dip into the tax money. He didnt tell me he was struggling and I quit my job with 40 hours guaranteed at $9 an hour. FUCK. We should be OK but for fucks sake.... Why cant he talk to me about shit? Instead mention it when were really stressed out, after the fact I gave up a shit job but guaranteed income??? I've been pulling 14 hour days with the transition from old fulltime job to new fulltime job with the last 2 weeks, I'm pretty tired and stressed out!.... What a wonderful surprise too add. Ugh. Still have the part time job and now the server job.. *sigh* the main concern I have right now is the electricity because it fluctuates. I dont like it.
With the hourly income I should have rent and my car payment, the new job is close enough to home that if I need to I can walk.. that's a wonderful option to have.... Credit card, electric and car repair bills are what I will need to scrounge for with tips. IF I've calculated everything correctly.... I can only hope. He has 400 dollars left on his loan and then he is in the clear and at that point can start to work on his massive credit card bill..... That's the financial situation. Its a tight rope... but we will make it as long as we play our cards right. Scott just got about 15 more hours on this next week at the new part time job because someone got let go and they like him. If only that was comforting to me right now.. Just hearing the words... should help but I've seen so many things go sour even after "its said to get better" and then on goes reason's why. I'll feel better when I can see the changes and numbers start coming in. Just keeping moving forward....
My closest friend is in a bad living situation.... she's been approved to move into the apartment complex I'm in.... everything was going well and things are paid, its just a matter of waiting and time before the new place is clean and ready. Well that is until I fucked up. She texted me saying that the people they are living with didnt pay their electric bill and everything was shut off. I'd planned on calling the landlord to get the ceiling fan installed today and mentioned ferret sitting. The landlord that deals with people had mentioned she would talk to her boss the "real landlord/maintenance man" and to let her know what was said and if sitting was still needed. She should hopefully have an answer later and to keep her updated." Well Like I said, I also had to call about the ceiling fan being installed. I mentioned it then and he freaked out about ferrets. They dont allow ferrets here, they stink, they destroy things.... I didnt even know what to say because from what I heard the onsite landlord had approved them. (?????) Big huge confusion there... I just dont know (which makes it completely not my fault because honestly how would I have known if the landlord had just "forgot" to mention the ferrets to the big guy"..... I basically fucked up pretty bad simply put because I was trying to help someone out.... sticking my neck out for a friend, that's my crime. Because of me they now cant have the ferrets... and its my fault... Really fucking nice... and big cheer's go out to me, I should have continued on with my day and shrugged off her problems and left them as HER problems...... Nice huh? Fucking selfish much?.. I cant believe that just happened.... They paid an extra $300 bucks for the ferrets from what I was told as well. First mistake, trying to help. Second I didnt think before I called, I called with good intentions but I handed out too much information and because of it they are fucked in that sense.. I dont even know if they get the place? or if they just had to get rid of the ferrets and were still ok to move in. I wanted to help, it was said to be 89 degrees out there. I'm really torn on how I should feel on the situation. Everything is my fault... but how the fuck whould I have known, fuck they had been approved! Really pissed and sad...... that's not what I wanted to happen....
Too much going on right now... trying to move forward and keep in good spirits but its fucking hard.. I dont like this fucking world and its corrupt ways.