(no subject)
So yea,just finished up an essay that was sue today,but I came home early cuase I wasn't feeling well again,so I didn't have to turn in my incompleted actually, no essay. And I had been told by my friend Steve Raychel was saying how I was becoming a ho,yet I've done nothing with a guy this whole year,oh wait I kissed one,but that was yesterday and shes been saying this for a while,but anyways she came up to me today and said that was not the right vocabulary for her to use and it really wasn't,and she said I am just "changing" but I have no clue what she's talking about,shes the closest one to being a ho with all her band friends but I'm not gonna say that and I still love her to death,but I am doing nothing wrong,I think she's just still mad cuase I told a phsyco I liked him then found out he was weird and told him I didn't want a boyfriend and she was all "you shouldn't have told him you liked him so quickly",and my feelings change,so what can I do? And then I thought I liked Brian,and he had pleanty of oppurunities to make moves or ask me out but he did NOT and that was basically why I stopped liking him and I found he's not the one for me.And then she was mad at me for not liking him any more,but I mean if she likes him so much or felt bad for him then she should be the one trying to go out with him,I'm not the type to make moves on guys I don't care if she thinks I should or does,that's not me or how I flow.No one can change me cuase they think I should act a certain way. People are telling me,maybe she's just jealous cuase she wants a boyfriend so badly.But I don't want to get in a fight or end our friendship over a stupid thing like this. Anyways on a better note,I was thinking about Brandon alot today and he said he though about me all last night and today,and we now are starting to get to know eachother better.I really am sick of people telling me like my mom "oh have you told him you don't want a boyfriend" but I may,and I don't want people telling me who I should and shouldn't go out with.And Brandon is the most comfortable guy I've felt around since Patrick,and that was hard for me,and things are going good now and I just don't want people telling me what to do.And sometimes I just want to cry for hours,but I try my hardest just to be strong about it and not worry about what people are telling me what to do.And I try so hard not to think about Patrick and how he has hurt me in the past.And I think I may be doing a bit better.I am also just sick of the whole "we're bestfriends,but I'm gonna be a bitch to you and even behind your back" thing. God fuck people who want to do that shit,it's immature and it's becuase they have a shitty life and have to do that to make them selves feel better,I personally just think it's all fucking stupid,and if you want to try and make me feel bad go ahead,just tell me and fuck you.Good luck in life to people like that. And the people who are like "woohoo I am better than you,I have to be the center of attention and do bad shit to look cool" I'm sick of that shit.I hate how I come in here and complain all the time now.Ok back to the happy note!Well yesterday,Brandon came and got me and we went and saw shark tale and it was pretty good,funny and cute.Then we went to lakeforest mall and finally got back here and my house was full so we just walked to the park and haha we were just laying on some wooden things freezing our asses off holding eachother and putting our cold hands on one anothers faces going "haha are my hands cold??" haha and then we sat up and we were looking at this metal tube thing that you're supposed to crawl through and I go "I wonder if we could fit in there" and he goes "Ha,I was just about to say that." So we run over to it and we are squished in there laying on top of eachother,we were a little bit warmer haha and we kissed and it was cute but hysterical at the same time cuase we were squished so tightly in there and then some guys dog came and intterupted us and we got out and walked back to my house,and he got directions and had to leave cuase he had work all night from 9-7am or something like that.OOOH and he promised to me he would not fall inlove with my friends *cough*patrick*cough* haha and I promised him I would not fall inlove with his brothers like some other girls apparently did.But now I think I'm in a bit of a happier mood,even though I missed him call before he left to go to work cuase I was in the shower.Oh well.Baby sitting tomorrow..oh boy fun!