so it goes
still having good days and bad days, but getting better overall i think. this friends thing may or may not be working out. i don't mean that we fight, etc. just... not working in the sense that we fall back to old habits and i think we're both sending a fair amount of mixed signals. well, i dunno. i don't think i am, hahaha, but i sure as hall am getting a lot of them. ¬___¬ what i need is to make a complete break and say "hey, you know, maybe i was wrong and i need a few months to really and actually get over this." problem with that is that we have a lot of mutual friends, so we'll run into each other even if we don't talk or make plans on our own.
on one hand, i don't think that if we talked and just floated somewhere between more than friends and less than an actual relationship that it would be that bad. would it be healthy? probably not, and in the long run it doesn't "guarantee" anything so either of us could get hurt when the other starts seeing other people. i could be the more vulnerable because i think i'm stuck with my feelings more than the ex but eh. if i walk into the situation knowing these things and still do it, i'm just... stupid. but if the opportunity arises, i don't know if i could really say no either. i have no will power. basically. >_<
in other news, i have been dating someone. indian dude, very nice, very cute. had a crush on him when i first met him last year. for better or worse, we started dating right when my last relationship broke up. i had a talk of sorts with him last night, and i told him that i liked him and i enjoyed his company, but that i felt like he was putting in a lot of effort, and at this point, i can't match that. mentally or emotionally, i'm just not ready to dive into something else yet. so if he's willing to put up with me and going really slowly, etc. then that's cool, but if not, then that's okay too. i feel like at least now he knows and he can make his own decision about what he wants to do with this. he asked me if the break up still made me sad, and i told him it did because while the break was mutual, it was out of necessity and not something that i wanted. and he asked if i was just having a hard time getting over the break up, or if i still had feelings for my ex, and i told him it was both. i do like him, but i am stuck on the break up, and i do still like my ex. i didn't tell him that we still hang out a fair amount, etc. so i dunno. i feel better having told him, but i don't know if i was really clear about the chances of something happening. i don't know how long it's going to take me to get over this, and i can't say that when i do, yes, i'll be ready for a relationship with him. all i know is that right now, this isn't fair to him. if he wants to stick around, that's cool, and i do want to be his friend. he's a super cool guy, very witty and he makes me laugh a lot. but as for the rest of it, i'm just not ready. so we'll see. we didn't make plans to see each other again, but he did ask me to tell him what my halloween plans were and that he'd call later and i told him that was cool and to just let me know what he was thinking. so we'll see. >_>
on one hand, i don't think that if we talked and just floated somewhere between more than friends and less than an actual relationship that it would be that bad. would it be healthy? probably not, and in the long run it doesn't "guarantee" anything so either of us could get hurt when the other starts seeing other people. i could be the more vulnerable because i think i'm stuck with my feelings more than the ex but eh. if i walk into the situation knowing these things and still do it, i'm just... stupid. but if the opportunity arises, i don't know if i could really say no either. i have no will power. basically. >_<
in other news, i have been dating someone. indian dude, very nice, very cute. had a crush on him when i first met him last year. for better or worse, we started dating right when my last relationship broke up. i had a talk of sorts with him last night, and i told him that i liked him and i enjoyed his company, but that i felt like he was putting in a lot of effort, and at this point, i can't match that. mentally or emotionally, i'm just not ready to dive into something else yet. so if he's willing to put up with me and going really slowly, etc. then that's cool, but if not, then that's okay too. i feel like at least now he knows and he can make his own decision about what he wants to do with this. he asked me if the break up still made me sad, and i told him it did because while the break was mutual, it was out of necessity and not something that i wanted. and he asked if i was just having a hard time getting over the break up, or if i still had feelings for my ex, and i told him it was both. i do like him, but i am stuck on the break up, and i do still like my ex. i didn't tell him that we still hang out a fair amount, etc. so i dunno. i feel better having told him, but i don't know if i was really clear about the chances of something happening. i don't know how long it's going to take me to get over this, and i can't say that when i do, yes, i'll be ready for a relationship with him. all i know is that right now, this isn't fair to him. if he wants to stick around, that's cool, and i do want to be his friend. he's a super cool guy, very witty and he makes me laugh a lot. but as for the rest of it, i'm just not ready. so we'll see. we didn't make plans to see each other again, but he did ask me to tell him what my halloween plans were and that he'd call later and i told him that was cool and to just let me know what he was thinking. so we'll see. >_>