The long and winding road...
Today as I drove in the rain, a grey south Florida day, seeing Christmas so close, I feel a terrible hurt. Having broken up with Sole is the right thing. This easy thing was to continue, to go back, to play nice, to settle. We were not happy. This year we separated a couple of times, I was lucky to meet Ana, and spend time with her, but then I went back, Sole's claim of love, of trying again. We went back and again we found ouselves in the same situation, and in the end, I knew that I had to finish it.
I have known her 18 years, so its not like we have not been interlinked,or our families not know each other...but this last year I just realized she is an amazing, beautiful woman, just she is not for me. We are vastly different, I am a free spirit, and the funny thing, is that most days I am home, relaxing, reading, I just like knowing that I can do things, I can travel, I can flirt.
These realities made going back the simple thing to do, and in the end I knew I was not being faithful to me. I need to grow, to become better. These last two years I have yearned for other experiences, wanted to spend time with great people that I didn't, and now as Christmas is coming, I feel sad, I was supposed to have been in Guayaquil yesterday, it was going to be Enzo's birthday party...we were to spend Christmas with her parents, New Years with my family. With her kid and my kids...and I choose to walk away.
It was amicable in that there is so much hurt, that we did not add with harsh words or horrible moments...but the reality is that the last few fights, arguments, I found myself more detached, so last month, after we had a horrible vacation, where we fought constantly, when she left, I told her it was over.
The outward signs dont exist, had pictures on Facebook and all the gaga writings on the walls,but the reality is that our relationship had run its course. Like i said - the easy thing was to be with her. She loves me, I have never doubted her love, and its funny because we spend our lives looking for someone to love us openly, to love us totally. And I choose to walk away.
When you settle, you are always unhappy, you are always doubting yourself. I feel this is the start of a new life, moving to NY, being alone, I hope I will cultivate new friends, read more books, take trips, and be more myself.
It will not be easy, but I am on a new path. Pray for me, or send me your good thoughts, I need my friends as not to falter, and feel alone, and go back...i dont want to walk that road of pain again.
Thank you for listening!
I have known her 18 years, so its not like we have not been interlinked,or our families not know each other...but this last year I just realized she is an amazing, beautiful woman, just she is not for me. We are vastly different, I am a free spirit, and the funny thing, is that most days I am home, relaxing, reading, I just like knowing that I can do things, I can travel, I can flirt.
These realities made going back the simple thing to do, and in the end I knew I was not being faithful to me. I need to grow, to become better. These last two years I have yearned for other experiences, wanted to spend time with great people that I didn't, and now as Christmas is coming, I feel sad, I was supposed to have been in Guayaquil yesterday, it was going to be Enzo's birthday party...we were to spend Christmas with her parents, New Years with my family. With her kid and my kids...and I choose to walk away.
It was amicable in that there is so much hurt, that we did not add with harsh words or horrible moments...but the reality is that the last few fights, arguments, I found myself more detached, so last month, after we had a horrible vacation, where we fought constantly, when she left, I told her it was over.
The outward signs dont exist, had pictures on Facebook and all the gaga writings on the walls,but the reality is that our relationship had run its course. Like i said - the easy thing was to be with her. She loves me, I have never doubted her love, and its funny because we spend our lives looking for someone to love us openly, to love us totally. And I choose to walk away.
When you settle, you are always unhappy, you are always doubting yourself. I feel this is the start of a new life, moving to NY, being alone, I hope I will cultivate new friends, read more books, take trips, and be more myself.
It will not be easy, but I am on a new path. Pray for me, or send me your good thoughts, I need my friends as not to falter, and feel alone, and go back...i dont want to walk that road of pain again.
Thank you for listening!