How Things Are
I've been trying to take care of things since my mother passed away, but it's hard. Money's not an issue, bills are not an issue, they're being taken care of. But..the fact that she's not here now..that's the hardest part. The silence around me in the house is DEFEANING. The loneliness...I keep the television or music on at all times, but it's not the same.
My brother and I are getting along, things are good between us.
But there's a part of me that died when my mother did, I have a hole inside my heart and inside my soul, a hole that can never be patched over. Little things will set me off, little things I see or hear that remind me of her, I fall apart.
My insides are similar to glass from a broken mirror that I'm trying to duct tape back together. I'll never stop missing her and I'll never stop loving her.
There are some distractions I have, like watching MJF in Spin City, or Keanu destroying sentinels or wishing I was Lady Jane Seymour to JRM's Henry the Eighth, but...you know?
I find myself wanting to tell her or show her things and I remember that I can't now. I can do it in my head, but it's NOT the same!
I vow to live my life to honor her, to be the daughter and the grownup she raised me to be. And I will be forever sorrowful for the times I've wronged her, and FOREVER angry at the doctors for not helping her, angry at my father and other so called family for turning their backs on her when she needed them.
And forever thankful that I could be there when she needed me. And I'll ALWAYS be there.
My brother and I are getting along, things are good between us.
But there's a part of me that died when my mother did, I have a hole inside my heart and inside my soul, a hole that can never be patched over. Little things will set me off, little things I see or hear that remind me of her, I fall apart.
My insides are similar to glass from a broken mirror that I'm trying to duct tape back together. I'll never stop missing her and I'll never stop loving her.
There are some distractions I have, like watching MJF in Spin City, or Keanu destroying sentinels or wishing I was Lady Jane Seymour to JRM's Henry the Eighth, but...you know?
I find myself wanting to tell her or show her things and I remember that I can't now. I can do it in my head, but it's NOT the same!
I vow to live my life to honor her, to be the daughter and the grownup she raised me to be. And I will be forever sorrowful for the times I've wronged her, and FOREVER angry at the doctors for not helping her, angry at my father and other so called family for turning their backs on her when she needed them.
And forever thankful that I could be there when she needed me. And I'll ALWAYS be there.