hang-ups and self-doubt, longings and desires
A friend of mine said, I find it ineresting that I feel like half the time I need to censor myself or over explain myself in the hopes of avoiding offending any number of people online or in real life. Another friend said, I say yes to people because I am afraid that if I say no, they wont like me anymore. [sic] I always want approval. I want the comfort of validation, no matter who is giving the validation. [sic] I just want people to like me.
I not only understand, I too feel that way. And they are, I think, for me at least, related. *nods*
I'm very people-pleasing, very type 2 on all those Enneagram tests I take (though closely followed by 1). I crave affection, and affirmation of worth. I avoid conflict like the plague. While this doesn't mean I won't stand up for my self or fight, I'm much more likely to flee. I just want everyone to get along, and have fun. And tell me I'm liked, and they want me around for the fun-having.
I'm actually in a pretty good place right now. That's prolly why I can even say this, heh. Work is ok, the husband is fabulous, life is proceding. My pets love me. I'm dancing, even if it's not as much as I'd like, and I continue to lose weight (164 as of yesterday's weigh-in). My self-image is still not faboo, but it's better. I have a RPG going. I've been more social than I'd been in a LONG time. I've got some crafty-type things here. And I'm surrounded by rocking reading materials; books, comics and magazines. OH! And I'm in love with my Nintendo DS ;).
*sigh* I just want to be me. But there is still a small part of me that fears no one will LIKE the real me. Not that I can lie to save my life... kinda a weird paradox-thing I got going on. I don't know if people would like ME, but I can't be anything but. but I still bite back on occasion, hold my tongue or say things a little differently. Keep parts of me close to myself. I dunno when the change happned... school I guess. I'm working on it though.
I'm weird, I'm wild. I'm a geeky, tom-boy, wearing-a-skirt-in-the-trees kinda girl. I'm sensual and passionate. I'm me. And I think more days than not lately, I'm ok with that.
So, girls, I understand.
I not only understand, I too feel that way. And they are, I think, for me at least, related. *nods*
I'm very people-pleasing, very type 2 on all those Enneagram tests I take (though closely followed by 1). I crave affection, and affirmation of worth. I avoid conflict like the plague. While this doesn't mean I won't stand up for my self or fight, I'm much more likely to flee. I just want everyone to get along, and have fun. And tell me I'm liked, and they want me around for the fun-having.
I'm actually in a pretty good place right now. That's prolly why I can even say this, heh. Work is ok, the husband is fabulous, life is proceding. My pets love me. I'm dancing, even if it's not as much as I'd like, and I continue to lose weight (164 as of yesterday's weigh-in). My self-image is still not faboo, but it's better. I have a RPG going. I've been more social than I'd been in a LONG time. I've got some crafty-type things here. And I'm surrounded by rocking reading materials; books, comics and magazines. OH! And I'm in love with my Nintendo DS ;).
*sigh* I just want to be me. But there is still a small part of me that fears no one will LIKE the real me. Not that I can lie to save my life... kinda a weird paradox-thing I got going on. I don't know if people would like ME, but I can't be anything but. but I still bite back on occasion, hold my tongue or say things a little differently. Keep parts of me close to myself. I dunno when the change happned... school I guess. I'm working on it though.
I'm weird, I'm wild. I'm a geeky, tom-boy, wearing-a-skirt-in-the-trees kinda girl. I'm sensual and passionate. I'm me. And I think more days than not lately, I'm ok with that.
So, girls, I understand.