BtVS: I Finally Remembered You - Part 37 - What's Going On?
Title: I Finally Remembered You. Part 37 - What’s Going On?
Author: Xanfan
Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters
Pairing: X/A
Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in “I Will Remember You” Years later, he finally keeps his promise.
Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats
Warnings: Slash M/M, mild language, more in future chapters
Banner and Icon by katekat1010
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Words in Italics indicate thoughts. Except at the very beginning when they indicate ‘previously on ….”
___________________________
Previously on IFRY:
“But why? Why take the day away? Why did Angel remember and not Xander? Why do they both seem to remember now?” Willow asked.
“I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out,” Spike said as he opened the door, intending to go and confront the duo in question, only to find said couple standing outside the door, Xander with one hand raised to knock.
“Looking for us?” Xander asked.
“You bet your hienie we are,” Willow said as she and Spike each grabbed one of them by the arm and pulled them into the room.
******************
After Xander and Angel were in the room, Spike slammed the door closed and put a chair under the handle. Willow quickly did an anti-eavesdropping spell on the room and they turned and faced Angel and Xander, who were sitting side by side on Spike's bed, not holding hands but with their hands resting against each other between them on the bed.
Spike rolled his eyes. "Just hold hands you idjets, not like we don't know you're in luuuuurve," Spike mocked.
Willow just smiled at the two softly, then her expression turned fierce. "So, what happened when you went to L.A. after that Thanksgiving after high school, Xander? Why'd the day have to be taken away, Angel?"
The couple looked at each other in alarm, having no idea Willow knew that much. "Uh, how'd you know?" Xander asked.
"She's right brilliant, in't she? You shoulda known she'd figure this out," Spike said proudly.
Angel hid a grin; his fellow vampire was smitten, he would so be teasing Spike over this.
Xander hid a grin; someone had a crush! Willow would turn such a pleasing shade of red, brighter than her hair, when he teased her about this.
Willow flushed lightly at the praise, but didn't let it distract her from her mission. "Don't try to avoid the questions."
Angel and Xander looked at each other; Xander raised an eyebrow, Angel lightly shrugged; Xander tilted his head, Angel furrowed his brow; Xander smirked, Angel sighed in defeat.
Spike and Willow could only look on in amazement at this silent conversation. Spike looked at Willow for help. Willow sighed and whispered, "I can only guess, but I think Xander asked if they should, Angel said he guessed it was all right, Xander asked who was going to tell the story, Angel didn't want it to be him, Xander knew it would be Angel all along and Angel knew it too and gave in gracefully."
Spike looked at her in awe. "How'd you figure that out?"
"I've known Xander since we were five, you learn a few things," Willow whispered back, then turned her attention back to the dark-haired duo in question, only to find them looking at her in amusement.
"You're pretty good with the interpreting, Wills, maybe you could be the Xander-to-English Dictionary for everyone else," Xander teased.
"You don't need me to do that, you've already got someone who understands you without you having to say a word," Willow teased back.
Xander blushed, sneaking a peek back at Angel through his eyelashes. Angel grinned.
"Sod it, you two are gonna make me gag with your cuteness. Stop it," Spike growled lightly.
"Aww, You think we're cute, Spike? Isn't that sweet, Angel? Spike thinks we're cute," Xander teased.
Angel laughed at his boy’s antics, especially because of the look they caused on Spike's face.
Willow looked on in concern. "Angel, can vampires have a stroke? Because Spike looks like he's about to bust a vein in his head or something. That can't be good, right?"
Spike settled himself down and cleared his throat. "So how about you quit with the distractin’ and tell us what the hell is goin' on?"
Angel let Spike change the subject back without comment - he could be tormented over this later. "After the Chumash tribe Thanksgiving, Xander came to see me in my office and......"
*********************
Willow and Spike had long since sat down with stunned thunks on the chairs in the room. After Angel finished his story, including what had happened after Angel and the crew had arrived here in England, they were silent, but the two seemed to be vibrating.
"How could you do that?" Willow finally whispered harshly. "How could you just let him walk away like that? He's the love your life, un-life, existence, whatever, and you just let him walk away, ‘cause it'd be hard? ‘Cause you'd have to work hard to keep each other safe? You don't do that. I don't care about you turning back into a vampire and taking the day away, but you could have done something, anything to make him stay or just let him know how you felt. It's not right; you don't throw away love."
Xander stood up and took Willow into his arms. He held her close when she started sobbing silently. He knew this wasn't entirely about them. "Shh, Willow, it's okay now. I know, we all get so caught up in doing the 'right thing' sometimes that we get lost in it and forget that there might be more than one way to do it. And the Powers, they didn't give him all the info, all the choices, because they knew that Buffy still needed me and that L.A. needed Angel. And they couldn't have guessed that he wouldn't look for more options. He's a linear thinker, Wils. I love the guy, but he doesn't think outside the box. I think it's the hair gel, it weighs too heavily on his brain."
Willow sniffled a giggle, Spike snorted and Angel gave a quiet, "Hey!"
Xander tipped up Willows chin and smoothed her hair back behind her ear. "And you didn't walk away from love. You got lost for a little while, but when it counted you were there. Tara died being loved by you, Willow, being held by you, which was all she really wanted, I'm pretty sure."
Willow nodded and wiped her eyes and nose on his shoulder. "Ewww," Xander whined.
"Serves you right for telling Faith before you told me," Willow pouted.
Xander stepped back. "But wasn't it funner trying to figure it all out? I know you love a mystery, Wills, it's why you're such a good Scooby."
Willow socked him lightly on the arm and let him go back to sitting next to his boyfriend.
"Xander has a boyfriend," Willow said in wonder.
Spike smirked at her words, but his eyes turned cold as focused his attention on Angel. "You're a bloomin' moron, you know that, don't you, Peaches? You hurt the Whelp like that again, I'll be using your entrails as garters, got it?"
Xander was awed by Spike's threats on his behalf.
Willow nodded her agreement fervently.
The older vampire just stared into his childe's eyes, seeing the promise there. He was glad his boy had found a solid friendship with the blond vampire, glad he himself had someone willing to tell him when he was being wrong-headed and stupid.
"Understood, I'd encourage it if I ever did something like that again," Angel promised.
"So, what are we going to do about Buffy?" Willow asked.
Xander whimpered at the name. Angel put an arm around his shoulders to offer comfort.
"Not goin' to be easy, is it? Tellin' her?" Spike said.
"What if she hates me?" Xander whispered. The loss of their closeness was bad enough, but if she hated him, if they were never friends again, that would be more than he could bear.
"Xander, Buffy hasn't been the girl we met when she first came to Sunnydale in a long time, sweetie. As hard as it is to admit, she'll probably never be that girl again. If it's not about saving the world or fighting demons, she hasn't looked beyond her own needs and wants in a really long time. This life has been really hard on her."
"It's been hard on us too," Xander said.
"I know, and we've both suffered for it. I admit to not being a very nice person to be around for awhile, and that's not including when I tried to end the world. And you have to think about the person Buffy was before she became the Slayer. From what I understand, high school Cordy was nice and sweet and giving in comparison. Those roots had to come out at some point. Yes, she's saved the world a lot, and she's had her moments of being the wonderful giving person we want her to be, but deep down, she's always been shallow and selfish, it's who she is. The girl we met our sophomore year of high school was the kindler, gentler, humbled by reality version of Buffy. I'm thinking who she is now and has been for the last few years is closer to the real her than that one was," Willow admitted.
Angel and Spike looked at each other and nodded in agreement. What Willow was saying actually made a lot of sense. Yes, Buffy was a great Slayer and all, but the girl behind the Slayer hadn't always been so wonderful. Not that she was a bad person, she was just immature and self-centered.
"So we might not ever be friends again?" Xander asked sadly.
"You'll always be her friend, Xander, it's who you are, but she hasn't been the friend you needed her to be in a very long time," Willow answered as best she could.
"But she and I aren't your only friends anymore, Xan. Now you’ve got not only me, but also Spike, Angel, Faith, Gunn, Lorne, a whole buttload of Slayers who worship the ground you walk on and even Andrew, who wants to be just like you when he grows up. You don't need to cling to her anymore. Let go, Xander, don't stop being her friend, but let go of the desperation to have her be yours," Willow advised, vowing to take the advice to heart herself.
Angel pulled Xander into his lap and rocked him. He knew this was hard for his boy to hear, but it needed to be said and Xander needed to realize that he had more going for him than just Buffy.
Xander let Angel cradle him in his arms and allowed Willow's words to roll around in his head. He realized that what she was saying had truth. He would never abandon Buffy or stop being her friend, but she had emotionally abandoned him a long time ago. Maybe one day she would grow up and realize what she was missing out on, but he couldn't hold his breath waiting for it. And he didn't have to. He wasn't a lonely fifteen year old anymore. He had tons of people in his life who liked and respected him, and even loved him. He would always care for Buffy, but his life didn't revolve around her any more.
"So, how are we going to deal with Buffy?" Xander said, re-asking Willow's question.
"Tell her the truth, but not be mean about it? Maybe she'll finally let go of her feelings for Angel and move on and grow up?" Willow asked.
"We'll need back-up… I say we ask Giles for help. And maybe Faith for additional muscle," Xander offered.
"Giles can rein her in when he chooses to," Angel admitted, "Although asking for his help will mean we will actually have to tell him what is going on first."
"Oh crap," Xander said, having forgotten about his father-figure in this whole mess.
Previous Chapters
Author: Xanfan
Rating: R/NC-17 for other chapters
Pairing: X/A
Summary: AU futurefic. Slash. Xander, not Buffy, had gone to see Angel in “I Will Remember You” Years later, he finally keeps his promise.
Spoilers: All of BtVS & Ats
Warnings: Slash M/M, mild language, more in future chapters
Banner and Icon by katekat1010
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Words in Italics indicate thoughts. Except at the very beginning when they indicate ‘previously on ….”
___________________________
Previously on IFRY:
“But why? Why take the day away? Why did Angel remember and not Xander? Why do they both seem to remember now?” Willow asked.
“I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out,” Spike said as he opened the door, intending to go and confront the duo in question, only to find said couple standing outside the door, Xander with one hand raised to knock.
“Looking for us?” Xander asked.
“You bet your hienie we are,” Willow said as she and Spike each grabbed one of them by the arm and pulled them into the room.
******************
After Xander and Angel were in the room, Spike slammed the door closed and put a chair under the handle. Willow quickly did an anti-eavesdropping spell on the room and they turned and faced Angel and Xander, who were sitting side by side on Spike's bed, not holding hands but with their hands resting against each other between them on the bed.
Spike rolled his eyes. "Just hold hands you idjets, not like we don't know you're in luuuuurve," Spike mocked.
Willow just smiled at the two softly, then her expression turned fierce. "So, what happened when you went to L.A. after that Thanksgiving after high school, Xander? Why'd the day have to be taken away, Angel?"
The couple looked at each other in alarm, having no idea Willow knew that much. "Uh, how'd you know?" Xander asked.
"She's right brilliant, in't she? You shoulda known she'd figure this out," Spike said proudly.
Angel hid a grin; his fellow vampire was smitten, he would so be teasing Spike over this.
Xander hid a grin; someone had a crush! Willow would turn such a pleasing shade of red, brighter than her hair, when he teased her about this.
Willow flushed lightly at the praise, but didn't let it distract her from her mission. "Don't try to avoid the questions."
Angel and Xander looked at each other; Xander raised an eyebrow, Angel lightly shrugged; Xander tilted his head, Angel furrowed his brow; Xander smirked, Angel sighed in defeat.
Spike and Willow could only look on in amazement at this silent conversation. Spike looked at Willow for help. Willow sighed and whispered, "I can only guess, but I think Xander asked if they should, Angel said he guessed it was all right, Xander asked who was going to tell the story, Angel didn't want it to be him, Xander knew it would be Angel all along and Angel knew it too and gave in gracefully."
Spike looked at her in awe. "How'd you figure that out?"
"I've known Xander since we were five, you learn a few things," Willow whispered back, then turned her attention back to the dark-haired duo in question, only to find them looking at her in amusement.
"You're pretty good with the interpreting, Wills, maybe you could be the Xander-to-English Dictionary for everyone else," Xander teased.
"You don't need me to do that, you've already got someone who understands you without you having to say a word," Willow teased back.
Xander blushed, sneaking a peek back at Angel through his eyelashes. Angel grinned.
"Sod it, you two are gonna make me gag with your cuteness. Stop it," Spike growled lightly.
"Aww, You think we're cute, Spike? Isn't that sweet, Angel? Spike thinks we're cute," Xander teased.
Angel laughed at his boy’s antics, especially because of the look they caused on Spike's face.
Willow looked on in concern. "Angel, can vampires have a stroke? Because Spike looks like he's about to bust a vein in his head or something. That can't be good, right?"
Spike settled himself down and cleared his throat. "So how about you quit with the distractin’ and tell us what the hell is goin' on?"
Angel let Spike change the subject back without comment - he could be tormented over this later. "After the Chumash tribe Thanksgiving, Xander came to see me in my office and......"
*********************
Willow and Spike had long since sat down with stunned thunks on the chairs in the room. After Angel finished his story, including what had happened after Angel and the crew had arrived here in England, they were silent, but the two seemed to be vibrating.
"How could you do that?" Willow finally whispered harshly. "How could you just let him walk away like that? He's the love your life, un-life, existence, whatever, and you just let him walk away, ‘cause it'd be hard? ‘Cause you'd have to work hard to keep each other safe? You don't do that. I don't care about you turning back into a vampire and taking the day away, but you could have done something, anything to make him stay or just let him know how you felt. It's not right; you don't throw away love."
Xander stood up and took Willow into his arms. He held her close when she started sobbing silently. He knew this wasn't entirely about them. "Shh, Willow, it's okay now. I know, we all get so caught up in doing the 'right thing' sometimes that we get lost in it and forget that there might be more than one way to do it. And the Powers, they didn't give him all the info, all the choices, because they knew that Buffy still needed me and that L.A. needed Angel. And they couldn't have guessed that he wouldn't look for more options. He's a linear thinker, Wils. I love the guy, but he doesn't think outside the box. I think it's the hair gel, it weighs too heavily on his brain."
Willow sniffled a giggle, Spike snorted and Angel gave a quiet, "Hey!"
Xander tipped up Willows chin and smoothed her hair back behind her ear. "And you didn't walk away from love. You got lost for a little while, but when it counted you were there. Tara died being loved by you, Willow, being held by you, which was all she really wanted, I'm pretty sure."
Willow nodded and wiped her eyes and nose on his shoulder. "Ewww," Xander whined.
"Serves you right for telling Faith before you told me," Willow pouted.
Xander stepped back. "But wasn't it funner trying to figure it all out? I know you love a mystery, Wills, it's why you're such a good Scooby."
Willow socked him lightly on the arm and let him go back to sitting next to his boyfriend.
"Xander has a boyfriend," Willow said in wonder.
Spike smirked at her words, but his eyes turned cold as focused his attention on Angel. "You're a bloomin' moron, you know that, don't you, Peaches? You hurt the Whelp like that again, I'll be using your entrails as garters, got it?"
Xander was awed by Spike's threats on his behalf.
Willow nodded her agreement fervently.
The older vampire just stared into his childe's eyes, seeing the promise there. He was glad his boy had found a solid friendship with the blond vampire, glad he himself had someone willing to tell him when he was being wrong-headed and stupid.
"Understood, I'd encourage it if I ever did something like that again," Angel promised.
"So, what are we going to do about Buffy?" Willow asked.
Xander whimpered at the name. Angel put an arm around his shoulders to offer comfort.
"Not goin' to be easy, is it? Tellin' her?" Spike said.
"What if she hates me?" Xander whispered. The loss of their closeness was bad enough, but if she hated him, if they were never friends again, that would be more than he could bear.
"Xander, Buffy hasn't been the girl we met when she first came to Sunnydale in a long time, sweetie. As hard as it is to admit, she'll probably never be that girl again. If it's not about saving the world or fighting demons, she hasn't looked beyond her own needs and wants in a really long time. This life has been really hard on her."
"It's been hard on us too," Xander said.
"I know, and we've both suffered for it. I admit to not being a very nice person to be around for awhile, and that's not including when I tried to end the world. And you have to think about the person Buffy was before she became the Slayer. From what I understand, high school Cordy was nice and sweet and giving in comparison. Those roots had to come out at some point. Yes, she's saved the world a lot, and she's had her moments of being the wonderful giving person we want her to be, but deep down, she's always been shallow and selfish, it's who she is. The girl we met our sophomore year of high school was the kindler, gentler, humbled by reality version of Buffy. I'm thinking who she is now and has been for the last few years is closer to the real her than that one was," Willow admitted.
Angel and Spike looked at each other and nodded in agreement. What Willow was saying actually made a lot of sense. Yes, Buffy was a great Slayer and all, but the girl behind the Slayer hadn't always been so wonderful. Not that she was a bad person, she was just immature and self-centered.
"So we might not ever be friends again?" Xander asked sadly.
"You'll always be her friend, Xander, it's who you are, but she hasn't been the friend you needed her to be in a very long time," Willow answered as best she could.
"But she and I aren't your only friends anymore, Xan. Now you’ve got not only me, but also Spike, Angel, Faith, Gunn, Lorne, a whole buttload of Slayers who worship the ground you walk on and even Andrew, who wants to be just like you when he grows up. You don't need to cling to her anymore. Let go, Xander, don't stop being her friend, but let go of the desperation to have her be yours," Willow advised, vowing to take the advice to heart herself.
Angel pulled Xander into his lap and rocked him. He knew this was hard for his boy to hear, but it needed to be said and Xander needed to realize that he had more going for him than just Buffy.
Xander let Angel cradle him in his arms and allowed Willow's words to roll around in his head. He realized that what she was saying had truth. He would never abandon Buffy or stop being her friend, but she had emotionally abandoned him a long time ago. Maybe one day she would grow up and realize what she was missing out on, but he couldn't hold his breath waiting for it. And he didn't have to. He wasn't a lonely fifteen year old anymore. He had tons of people in his life who liked and respected him, and even loved him. He would always care for Buffy, but his life didn't revolve around her any more.
"So, how are we going to deal with Buffy?" Xander said, re-asking Willow's question.
"Tell her the truth, but not be mean about it? Maybe she'll finally let go of her feelings for Angel and move on and grow up?" Willow asked.
"We'll need back-up… I say we ask Giles for help. And maybe Faith for additional muscle," Xander offered.
"Giles can rein her in when he chooses to," Angel admitted, "Although asking for his help will mean we will actually have to tell him what is going on first."
"Oh crap," Xander said, having forgotten about his father-figure in this whole mess.
Previous Chapters