Contemplative
I'm off work for the first time in a week. I actually drove down to my parents house to see them, since I'm starting nursing school again on Wednesday (only 1 class) which will likely interfere with my ability to get away. Plus, Brian expressed to me that if I didn't give him some space, he might go berserk. And yet I'm still up at 3AM in the morning. I was sleeping with my parent's dog but woke up and started thinking. Late night thinking (especially for depressed people) is NEVER a good idea.
I'm thinking about my parent's life. Mainly about their current house. These are people who have been together for over 30 years. I just wish they could be happier.
I think they're bored. Brian and I are kinda bored of each other and it's only been 4 years. I can't imagine after 30 years. Maybe that's why it's important to me to have a smart partner, one who surprises me and challenges me.
I think about my parents weight. They have struggled with obesity for as long as I can recall. I grew up on diet food, oscillating between Weight Watchers and binging. My parents have been fighting their food addictions for over 30 years. The amount of time that they have spent focusing on their weight is mind-boggling. Even if they only think about it for a minute each day, that's 10,950 minutes. That's 182.5 hours.
The most insidious thing about weight management is not the dieting. I think that if fat people (including me) had ONLY the food management to deal with, it would be easy. The hardest part, the killer part, is the sadness that accompanies it.
Brian and I were in our couples counseling session a few months back and I shared that, if I weren't overweight, I probably would have asked Brian to marry me by now. This is despite my depression, despite my financial hardships. I'm not thrilled to suffer from depression, nor from being broke, but I'm truly ashamed of my body. And we only get one body. Why should we be ashamed of it?
I've been reading this book "I Can Make You Thin" which is advertised everywhere. Basically it's this hypnotist who has these techniques to challenge our relationships with food. Because of my week of work I haven't really been able to focus on it but I admit I'm a tad hopeful. But he says that only 10% of people who have fought their weight have been successful. That's a 90% failure rate.
In a class I took this previous semester (a lame-o Health course) they said that there is no effective way to remove weight once it is put on, at least not a way that is effective for the general population. They say that one's best chance for fighting obesity is... to not become obese in the first place.
GOD! The things I could be if I wasn't fat. The things that I would do. The friends I could have. I could run with Dash. I could tie my shoes without discomfort. I could take a photograph and not want to burn it instantly. I could know that I will be around for my kids (or even for my dogs).
Is it too late to do something about this? I don't think so. I truly think that it is never too late.
We don't have complete control over our lives. We are forced to live according to popular opinion and laws and the rules of money. But maybe this is something that we can do something about. Losing weight would save us SO much money in terms of healthcare in the future. It's not even a question.
This all started because of Obie, my parents dog. He used to be slim. Now he's very heavy. He's a two-year-old dachshund. Being heavy drastically reduces his life expectancy and increases his chances of having a spinal injury that will change his life and the life of my parents for good. He doesn't have the willpower to eat healthier. My parents have control over what he eats. And he's gotten obese. They can't exercise him very frequently because of their own physical ailments, I understand that. There is still a way to combat his obesity through simple food modification. And, for a dog, it's so very simple. Just don't feed him as much and just don't reward him as often.
And every time I think about it, I wonder, so how is it any different for me?
I'm thinking about my parent's life. Mainly about their current house. These are people who have been together for over 30 years. I just wish they could be happier.
I think they're bored. Brian and I are kinda bored of each other and it's only been 4 years. I can't imagine after 30 years. Maybe that's why it's important to me to have a smart partner, one who surprises me and challenges me.
I think about my parents weight. They have struggled with obesity for as long as I can recall. I grew up on diet food, oscillating between Weight Watchers and binging. My parents have been fighting their food addictions for over 30 years. The amount of time that they have spent focusing on their weight is mind-boggling. Even if they only think about it for a minute each day, that's 10,950 minutes. That's 182.5 hours.
The most insidious thing about weight management is not the dieting. I think that if fat people (including me) had ONLY the food management to deal with, it would be easy. The hardest part, the killer part, is the sadness that accompanies it.
Brian and I were in our couples counseling session a few months back and I shared that, if I weren't overweight, I probably would have asked Brian to marry me by now. This is despite my depression, despite my financial hardships. I'm not thrilled to suffer from depression, nor from being broke, but I'm truly ashamed of my body. And we only get one body. Why should we be ashamed of it?
I've been reading this book "I Can Make You Thin" which is advertised everywhere. Basically it's this hypnotist who has these techniques to challenge our relationships with food. Because of my week of work I haven't really been able to focus on it but I admit I'm a tad hopeful. But he says that only 10% of people who have fought their weight have been successful. That's a 90% failure rate.
In a class I took this previous semester (a lame-o Health course) they said that there is no effective way to remove weight once it is put on, at least not a way that is effective for the general population. They say that one's best chance for fighting obesity is... to not become obese in the first place.
GOD! The things I could be if I wasn't fat. The things that I would do. The friends I could have. I could run with Dash. I could tie my shoes without discomfort. I could take a photograph and not want to burn it instantly. I could know that I will be around for my kids (or even for my dogs).
Is it too late to do something about this? I don't think so. I truly think that it is never too late.
We don't have complete control over our lives. We are forced to live according to popular opinion and laws and the rules of money. But maybe this is something that we can do something about. Losing weight would save us SO much money in terms of healthcare in the future. It's not even a question.
This all started because of Obie, my parents dog. He used to be slim. Now he's very heavy. He's a two-year-old dachshund. Being heavy drastically reduces his life expectancy and increases his chances of having a spinal injury that will change his life and the life of my parents for good. He doesn't have the willpower to eat healthier. My parents have control over what he eats. And he's gotten obese. They can't exercise him very frequently because of their own physical ailments, I understand that. There is still a way to combat his obesity through simple food modification. And, for a dog, it's so very simple. Just don't feed him as much and just don't reward him as often.
And every time I think about it, I wonder, so how is it any different for me?