Hunting the Rogues
A good hunter must always be prepared. I spent the day exercising followed by a relaxing bath and a short nap before sunset. I felt fully prepared for the evening, and dressed appropriately for the occassion. Black trousers, black boots, white shirt, black vest and of course my cape, black, lined in red. Not a hair out of place, I leap gracefully
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...well, that does it. I start to giggle.
I managed to keep it in until he closes the door, and then I TRY to stifle it in my arm, but I'm sure it comes out anyway.
Does it ever. I'm cracking the hell up.
This entire WEEK has been straight out of the Twilight Zone; and now here I am, in Dracula's bathroom, preparing to pee in a cup. My laughter gets bigger, and I'm trying SO hard to muffle it, but I'm getting absolutely nowhere.
HOW does one pee when laughing this hard? Oh gods. This may take a while.
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(Dr. White)
Waiting. Doesn't take much time to pee. Least he didn't go in there with her to hold the cup. THAT would have been a bit much.
He stands there, shifting. Uncomfortable. Guilty: bet he's the one who hit her.
Girl's in there, laughing at something. Mild hysteria? Perhaps. Eh; wasn't called here to treat Monsieur Lucard's mental damage.
"You." Get his attention, hold up the bottle. "Ibuprofen, here. Got two bottles. Don't have anymore. She shouldn't swallow this much anyway. Follow the instructions, no more per day than it says. Start her walking soon, keep her drinking clear fluids. No wine. No drinks with heavy sugar. Clear?"
Driving all the way up here for this. Waste of time. Internist should've done it after all.
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Kinda.
Le sigh.
At least she's having fun taking her tinkle.
Going over to the doctor, I look at one of the bottle. Wonderful. Least two pills every six hours. How long will she be feeling like this?
Another raucuous bit of laughter erupts from the bathroom. I wonder if all her visits to the facilities are as merry as this one.
"Got it." Water. Clear liquids. Get her walking soon. "Thank you for all of this." Pocketing the medicine, I take out my check book and write out a check addressed to her.
As for the payment, suffice to say it's more than the amount of words she's used in her entire visit.
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...HELLO Hawaii.
Well. This earns some bedside manner, I should think. I offer him a smile. Bet it's screwy; my smile gets rusty sometimes.
"She should be fine. Was very lucky. Don't let her 'teach martial arts' for a while." I give him a look to say I know EXACTLY what they were doing. Martial arts, sure. Wasn't born yesterday. "I'm sure you'll keep her in good hands."
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(Carolyn)
Okay, okay, enough of this. Come on. Oi, come ON. You know how it is when you get the giggles; suddenly everything's funny, even which toothpaste he uses. Just get the pee in the CUP, for crying out loud.
Ooookay. Done. Still giggling. Maybe moving will make it stop.
....OW. Well, it's not like I'm not going to wash my hands, is it? And I'm not going to have Klaus do it. Been embarassed enough as it is today; it's definitely better to clean myself and have done with it.
There's a bidet in here. Ah, and the giggles are back....
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Slosh, slosh...that'd better not dribble onto me.
"She should be fine. No more rough play." Dammit, she knows...somehow she knows! Does she suspect domestic violence? Abuse?
Or even worse than that...
Oi.
Handing Carolyn the bottle of Ibuprofin, I settle her back down into bed. "Take two of these now. Spo-!"
Oh, there he is. In the doorway. With an icepick.
"Be a dear and get Miss Elmhurst a glass of water."
Spot shuffles off and I suddenly get up and run to the doorway. "Nevermind! Get Felix to bring up a glass!"
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'M done here. Nothin' more to do. Take the urine sample - good girl, she sealed it properly. Won't spill. Into the bag, stored away.
"We'll send the results. Don't see any blood now; might have some in the next few days, nothing to worry about unless it gets too thick. Ever had blood in your urine before?"
"I have."
Nothin' in her face. Guess she's been playing THESE games for quite a while. Professional dominatrix, whoopy.
"Then you'll know to call if you don't feel better. This'll tell us if there's more damage than should be." Pat my bag. Cheque's already put away; nice fellow, very nice fellow. Pays her half as well as he pays me, we're all in good shape.
"If there's nothing else, I'm done."
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"Felix here will show you the way out. Tell Dr. Marshall Mr. Lucard sends his regards and his thanks." I take the glass of water, smile at the good doctor who thankfully doesn't ask questions and let Felix lead her out.
Going back into Carolyn's room, I hand over the water. "I think she thought we were screwing."
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Thank GOD I didn't have the glass to my lips. Laughter explodes out of my mouth so hard and so quickly that I can't possibly stop it.
"Screwing! SCREWING! Oh my word... Klaus, it's just too much, all of this too much. I should retire to bedlam."
Swallowing the ibuprofen isn't too hard, fortunately, although I don't feel quite as bad as I did a short while ago. I think one of the dangers is going to be getting stiff from not moving.
So: less pain with movement. More pain if I just lie completely still. Meh; I hate choices like that.
"S-sorry," I'm still trying not to laugh. And failing. Oi, my kingdom for a good lager....
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"You're still beautiful," I mutter, wanting to cheer her up in my own way. "I'll have to help you walk again. Exercise every day and all. It'll help. And you can only have clear fluids or that with little sugar. No alcohol."
For some reason, I doubt this will sit well with her.
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"If I pee blood, I pee blood." I grin. "Just relax."
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She isn't whining or moping or angsting about her injuries. She'll probably be hopped up on pain killers for a bit which really doesn't allow one to angst about anything.
But...she's right. Not for the first time do I realize that she's right. She's fine. She'll bounce back. Kinda like me.
And I didn't kill her. It'd take more than what I've got to kill her. She'll be...she is fine.
I smile back at her and kiss her cheek. "Relaxed then. Feel free to order up breakfast tomorrow. Just don't order from Spot. He has issues."
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Heh. Or maybe it's the other way around.
...ignoring the kiss on the cheek. After tonight, we've broken so many of the rules that tomorrow is going to have to be a completely fresh start. At least he hasn't stretched any of the ones that MATTER.
"Fruit's good. I think some fruit and cheese would be a lovely breakfast. Lots of water, of course."
Sleep now. This... yes. Definitely sleep now.
"I'm trusting Lucard's word that nothing and no one will harm me in this castle." Slowly, evenly. "No biting, of course." Little smile. "But for now, I really, really need to sleep. Okay? That'll probably do me more good than anything else.
"Thanks, Klaus. Go see to your master."
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