How To Move Super-Efficiently (Or, what I have been up to for the last 3 weeks)
(1) Overlap the first month in your new place with your last month in your old place. That way you can pay double-rent AND take forever to move.
(2) Intend to move at least 3 boxes every time you drive from old place to new place.
(2a) Really, only move one box every week or so
(3) Rent a uhaul for one big moving weekend, since the gradual move over the month didn’t quite work out the way you’d planned
(3a) Discover that Budget rental trucks are cheaper by $50
(3b) Attempt to rent a Budget truck
(3c) Get told that no one is open on Sundays, when you need to pick up the truck
(3d) Suck it up and keep the uhaul
(4) Recruit friends to help with moving
(4a) Arrange for one friend to break his ankle and another to have an unavoidable obligation pop up
(4a.1) Which is totally okay, guys, stuff happens and it’s not like I’m going to get irritated over a broken ankle, I mean come on, the timing was just amusing
(5) Get up early to pick up uhaul on Sunday morning
(5a) Get in a fight with the person who will be driving the uhaul
(5b) Pick up uhaul one hour later than planned
(6) Realize as friends begin showing up to help that you are a terrible slob and should be ashamed at the state of your half-packed, all-messy apartment that doesn’t look that different from when you’re NOT moving
(7) Work through the shame
(8) Realize that there’s no way you’re getting everything packed in one day, and you’ll have to do this AGAIN the next weekend
(9) Torture friends by making them lift heavy things and carry them up 30 stairs
(10) Buy microwaveable food
(10a) Realize that your microwave is still at the old place
(10b) Go through the archaic motions of using a stove
(10b.1) Be the first person ever to use the “conventional oven” instructions on a TV dinner
(10c) Do this for a week, forgetting that you have no microwave each time
(11) The next weekend, drive an SUV and a Ford Focus to old place, along with a Bissel steam cleaner and a Dyson vacuum, in order to have carpets clean
(12) Realize there is no room for the rest of the CRAP in the apartment
(13) Discover that through some epic car-tetris, you can fit everything into the Focus
(14) Unpack clothing and put it away in new closet and dresser
(15) Feel accomplished
(16) Look at the other eleventy-billion boxes to unpack, things that can’t be unpacked until the boyfriend brings over HIS eleventy-billion boxes
(17) Weep
(18) Hook up computer
(19) Weep for lack of internet
(20) Live on a mattress pad (since the bed has not been moved from boyfriend’s apartment) and out of cardboard boxes (since you can’t unpack until his things are moved over) without internet or TV for three weeks until boyfriend eventually has his own How To Move Super-Efficiently experience two days before leaving for Mexico and then Scotland, and he has to be out of his apartment before then because his lease ends while he will be in Scotland (Note: #20 is pending)
(2) Intend to move at least 3 boxes every time you drive from old place to new place.
(2a) Really, only move one box every week or so
(3) Rent a uhaul for one big moving weekend, since the gradual move over the month didn’t quite work out the way you’d planned
(3a) Discover that Budget rental trucks are cheaper by $50
(3b) Attempt to rent a Budget truck
(3c) Get told that no one is open on Sundays, when you need to pick up the truck
(3d) Suck it up and keep the uhaul
(4) Recruit friends to help with moving
(4a) Arrange for one friend to break his ankle and another to have an unavoidable obligation pop up
(4a.1) Which is totally okay, guys, stuff happens and it’s not like I’m going to get irritated over a broken ankle, I mean come on, the timing was just amusing
(5) Get up early to pick up uhaul on Sunday morning
(5a) Get in a fight with the person who will be driving the uhaul
(5b) Pick up uhaul one hour later than planned
(6) Realize as friends begin showing up to help that you are a terrible slob and should be ashamed at the state of your half-packed, all-messy apartment that doesn’t look that different from when you’re NOT moving
(7) Work through the shame
(8) Realize that there’s no way you’re getting everything packed in one day, and you’ll have to do this AGAIN the next weekend
(9) Torture friends by making them lift heavy things and carry them up 30 stairs
(10) Buy microwaveable food
(10a) Realize that your microwave is still at the old place
(10b) Go through the archaic motions of using a stove
(10b.1) Be the first person ever to use the “conventional oven” instructions on a TV dinner
(10c) Do this for a week, forgetting that you have no microwave each time
(11) The next weekend, drive an SUV and a Ford Focus to old place, along with a Bissel steam cleaner and a Dyson vacuum, in order to have carpets clean
(12) Realize there is no room for the rest of the CRAP in the apartment
(13) Discover that through some epic car-tetris, you can fit everything into the Focus
(14) Unpack clothing and put it away in new closet and dresser
(15) Feel accomplished
(16) Look at the other eleventy-billion boxes to unpack, things that can’t be unpacked until the boyfriend brings over HIS eleventy-billion boxes
(17) Weep
(18) Hook up computer
(19) Weep for lack of internet
(20) Live on a mattress pad (since the bed has not been moved from boyfriend’s apartment) and out of cardboard boxes (since you can’t unpack until his things are moved over) without internet or TV for three weeks until boyfriend eventually has his own How To Move Super-Efficiently experience two days before leaving for Mexico and then Scotland, and he has to be out of his apartment before then because his lease ends while he will be in Scotland (Note: #20 is pending)