The agony is over but will always be there.

[x_unbelieved_x]

It finally happened.... we broke up. I honestly didnt want to, but it was for the best. I love him soo much but he has to many things going for him right now. plus he just didnt seem like he wanted a girlfriend. I went to Voke today mind you you I havent seen jamie for 2 months and I see him and he is like oh hey. WTF is that? I mean c'mon atleast seem excited... But no, he comes over gives me a hug and kiss then kinda shrugs off to the side. Then I went over to steph and you figured he would follow me but no he stays there with his gay fuckin friends. And that person I despise..yes tina. douche. Then steph goes and calls him over and says some junk and goes if I was your girlfriend I would break up with you right now and he didnt say jack shit. And she was right I shouldve but I just cant...well I couldnt at the time. But then I actually thought about it and talked with Lori and Matt and they talked some sense into me and it wasnt just them...my mom my other mom(angelas mom) angela and my aunt a few weeks ago and even nick and matt gigure they all had good points to it. It must have been my mom who gave me the guts cause I just spilled the beans all over the table and he seemed so speechless. I dont know what to do. I am so young I shouldnt have to wait for someone but I cant loose him. He may be a jerk sometimes well most of the time but I can be too. we seemed so...so perfect! In my eyes at least we were. That kid Tom from jamies work was right though... I am blinded by the things that I love about him and I dont see the real jamie. As I think about it I didnt want to see the real Jamie...I knew how he was but I blocked it out I ignored his ignorance, immaturity, stupidity, and stubborness. I realized today that I cant have someone bring me down and he was doing that exact thing. I wasnt being a teenager who didnt care I was being someone that I am not. When did I ever care how I looked? When do I ever care if someone doesnt call me. But with him I freaked out and shit. I was being to protective because in my eyes he was the world but to the world he was an asshole. I dont want to bash him or anything because I mean I love him still but this is how I feel and I need to get it off my chest.

Justin from his work just called me.... I know Justin is working until ten and jamie is working until 9.... c'mon now... Jamie isnt there..BULLSHIT. blady blady blah

So yeah... Loads of people are coming out this weekend. Lori, steph, and Billaaaayyyyy are coming over on sunday and angela and maybe Jolenie are gonna sleep over on staurday and sunday! whoopi! we are gonna have sooo much fun. I always do with them! I cant wait.... My stomach hurts... I cant breathe.... I dont know why? I need to go relax ttyl lyl....

P.S.

Anyone like me give me a shout!

P.P.S.

anyone up for giving advice please..... comment

<3 bethany**