Oodles of Poodles
What a weekend! Hard to know where to start really!
I guess I should start at the beginning really and then I guess you'll have a good idea of why I havent posted in a while.
Well last week or so things hit a bit of a snag with the LP, as in I was so terrified of ME comming back I had some really fun anxiety attacks. The LP wasn't helping me so much with the Anxiety as I knew I needed though it's still helping me a great deal, so I looked up the Linden Method for anxiety. This has been a big, big, big help and in a way it's quite similar to the LP. Basically the Linden Method, which is pretty much the best way to get out of anxiety has a set of 'pillars' to abide by and focuses on a combination of serious distraction (ie all consuming), correct breathing (making the exhale twice as long as the inhale) and relaxation/visulisation.
So, knowning that the best way to help me was to get myself a pretty much all consuming distraction (that would starve anxiety off all concious thought) I set about thinking. Well I can't afford a horse and the next best thing seemed to be a little dog of my own that I can train and hopefully go out and do some agility and showing with.
A dog also seemed like the best idea, because the only time I ever started getting out of this anxiety/adrenaline loop was when we had Milly, because she forced me to think of her all the time and because I loved her so much I didn't care to think about myself and just got up got out and tried my damndest to keep her. So ME took a back seat. If I'd known then that worrying about the sensations/feelings I was getting at the time was the cause of all my suffering I would have got out of it back then, because I would have known that if I had just ignored how I was feeling and understood that it would go away if I starved it of concious thought then I'd be ok.
So after thinking carefully about the commitment I was making (a big possible 16 year+ commitment, insurance, vets bills etc) I decided to go a head with getting a puppy. I would have loved another STBx, but we have two cats and Jake (Greyhound) so after going to some shelters and realising that the dogs there just wouldn't fit. I decided on a miniature poodle, something that will force me to get up, out and doing stuff, but not too insane that it will upset everyone and drive us all nuts.
So enter Louis a 14 week old jet black miniature poodle, who I collected from Sheffield yesterday afternoon (He's sleeping under my chair as I type right now). He's a pedigree and KC registered, with a full tail (YAY!!) and the show name Shadow minstrel. He is absolutely gorgeous, just a massive ball of fluff. He reallllllly needs clipping, but for now he will just have to groomed ALOT to prevent matting.
Jake doesn't seem too fussed with him, but then as long as he doesn't overly bother him then Jake won't care. The cats however are a different story. Cleo wont come downstairs and Taffy...well Taffy has run away and we don't know where he is. We know he's around somewhere (although until dad saw him shoot through the garden this morning, we thought he'd been got by a fox)...we just don't know where. So mum is distraught and I'm feeling incredibly guilty that my getting another dog (who btw was fine with the cats when we introduced him to them, he just whined a bit and wanted to play, but backed off when they hissed) has caused Taffy to run away. This (Taffy running away) was not on my list of possible challenges with introducing another dog to the family.
BUM!
So...this afternoon we'll have to go out and check round all the nieghbours gardens again!!!! and try to find the little bugger!
But I'm sure he'll come back when he's hungry...god I hope!
Anyway. On the plus side I'm very confident getting Louis was a good idea, because I know we'll have a lot of fun together and I really, really need him. Jake, bless him just sleeps 99.9% of the day and I need something that HAS to go for a walk and NEEDS playing with and training. Because I need to really start getting myself together and getting over this. Have to say so far he's been excellent, excellent in the house and excellent at distracting me. Can't wait to take him to puppy classes!!!
Right anyway. This is as much as I will say on the subject of anxiety/symptoms/ME ever again (unless it's about getting over them) as talking about it keeps it alive and it really needs to get itself dead and buried and out of my life, for good. But at least now I know that the feelings I get are just sensations as a result of anxiety/adrenaline I no longer fear them and I no longer fear ME comming back now I understand what it is and that it can't hurt me, because me body IS healthy it always has been but for adrenaline.