Like with other things before, you know you can't change some things or force others to do what you want. You realized it before, and I know you realize it now. Perhaps it was the tension and dissension that caused you two to see something before, but now it's run its course, and places where you are happy have been getting overshadowed by the places that you want to be happy, but can't be.
You know why you love Frank, and I know why too. He brings out the Nerdette in you, whole-heartedly, to an extent that rivals mine. But where you run into the frustration is that he can't bring out the (non-existant) closed-mindedness, unwillingness to listen (this is the big one), and enhance your passion for life.
People are a part of life, but people cannot BE life. He says he lives for you, only because he never took the time to truly be happy with himself. You do care about him, much like in the same way I tend to fall for girls that I want to help, but after a while you see that sometimes people just won't listen or understand, and that's when you realize what really matters to them.
If there's one thing I know about friends, it's that time, place, and what don't matter. I have great friends that I only get to see once or twice a year, and I'm closer to them than people I'm around constantly. How you honestly feel about someone mandates the kind of time you have with them, if you're frustrated then you might bring that out and be more abrasive... and in the same, if you're happy, it'll just keep growing and growing.
When you told me that you haven't told Frank about anything we've done, I knew that you had already decided something. Here's the funny part... I know about EVERYTHING that's happened in the time I've been gone (well mostly, probably just the more serious, important things), you tell me where you're going if we're talking when you leave to go someplace, and I could care less about who you hang out with since you know that you can do some things, it's a matter of if you want to and should.
What would Frank do if he knew that we were even talking again? Let alone if he knew that we were hanging out again, or knew that we still care about each other? You already know what he'd do, and that's why you don't want to tell him, because he wouldn't understand. He'd get mad at you for hanging out with me and talking to me again, go on and on about how he hates me, and probably just cause more problems. You've started noticing more and more things that you can't talk to him about... and that's bugging you because it makes you happy to talk about things like that. That's where the silence comes into play... you think about something that you know he won't talk about, or talking about it with him would upset you... and then silence... then he breaks it with a sly line, and you just keep using the same escape route to telling him how much it bothers you when that happens.
Back then I made a mistake in asking you what you wanted... because I know you want everything.
It's more of what would you rather have in what respects...
Would you rather have days where you can't even look at the person... and end up calling the one who understands for comfort and try to piece things back together constantly? Having to confide in someone that he hates, not being able to be fully honest with him?
or
Would you rather have your life, your way, with whomever you want, but then come home to the one who helps you to make sense of it all and help you to see how wonderful life is, both good and bad?
or better yet... ask yourself what you really want... and then ask yourself how much of that can you get one way, another way, any way.
Nothing can break us, but a single word could possibly shatter things with him.
Like with other things before, you know you can't change some things or force others to do what you want. You realized it before, and I know you realize it now. Perhaps it was the tension and dissension that caused you two to see something before, but now it's run its course, and places where you are happy have been getting overshadowed by the places that you want to be happy, but can't be.
You know why you love Frank, and I know why too. He brings out the Nerdette in you, whole-heartedly, to an extent that rivals mine. But where you run into the frustration is that he can't bring out the (non-existant) closed-mindedness, unwillingness to listen (this is the big one), and enhance your passion for life.
People are a part of life, but people cannot BE life. He says he lives for you, only because he never took the time to truly be happy with himself. You do care about him, much like in the same way I tend to fall for girls that I want to help, but after a while you see that sometimes people just won't listen or understand, and that's when you realize what really matters to them.
Reply
If there's one thing I know about friends, it's that time, place, and what don't matter. I have great friends that I only get to see once or twice a year, and I'm closer to them than people I'm around constantly. How you honestly feel about someone mandates the kind of time you have with them, if you're frustrated then you might bring that out and be more abrasive... and in the same, if you're happy, it'll just keep growing and growing.
When you told me that you haven't told Frank about anything we've done, I knew that you had already decided something. Here's the funny part... I know about EVERYTHING that's happened in the time I've been gone (well mostly, probably just the more serious, important things), you tell me where you're going if we're talking when you leave to go someplace, and I could care less about who you hang out with since you know that you can do some things, it's a matter of if you want to and should.
What would Frank do if he knew that we were even talking again? Let alone if he knew that we were hanging out again, or knew that we still care about each other? You already know what he'd do, and that's why you don't want to tell him, because he wouldn't understand. He'd get mad at you for hanging out with me and talking to me again, go on and on about how he hates me, and probably just cause more problems. You've started noticing more and more things that you can't talk to him about... and that's bugging you because it makes you happy to talk about things like that. That's where the silence comes into play... you think about something that you know he won't talk about, or talking about it with him would upset you... and then silence... then he breaks it with a sly line, and you just keep using the same escape route to telling him how much it bothers you when that happens.
Back then I made a mistake in asking you what you wanted... because I know you want everything.
It's more of what would you rather have in what respects...
Would you rather have days where you can't even look at the person... and end up calling the one who understands for comfort and try to piece things back together constantly? Having to confide in someone that he hates, not being able to be fully honest with him?
or
Would you rather have your life, your way, with whomever you want, but then come home to the one who helps you to make sense of it all and help you to see how wonderful life is, both good and bad?
or better yet... ask yourself what you really want... and then ask yourself how much of that can you get one way, another way, any way.
Nothing can break us, but a single word could possibly shatter things with him.
Reply
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