A Novel!
My Life is My White Castle
Intro:
Its been so long since I have made a proper update on Lj and its not becasue I didn't want to or because I couldn't spare five minutes to write something down about my life. I deffinately have had alot of things to say but I think they have all been so tangled up in my head, I dont think i knew how I felt or what I thought, I don't think I could have written something meaningful if I tried. But now I know so here it is:
Chapter 1:
Life is crazy and busy and changing way faster than I ever imagined and Im starting to feel a little over whelmed. Its been 4 months since my dad moved out and thigns have been slowly looking better. I odnt have to dela iwth my paretns fighting as much, my dad and I are getting along better than ever. Both my parents have new boyfriends and girlfriends and everyone is startign over and movign on. MY house is sold and I move in July but we still don't have a hosue to move into because my mom is being a lazy ass and procrastinating. Ive been ok with everythign for the last 4 months, I wanted this but a week ago it hit me. I left Dani's house and I almost got to my house but When i stopped at the stopsign I jsut couldn't move, I froze and I just couldnt go home, i relaized that for the last 20 years ive been living my life the same way and in 4 months it has changed and been scrambelled aroudn and flipped upside down...so I drove all the way back to my second home and blazed and watched Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Long story short pot may not be the solution to lifes problems but it sure helps temporarily and uhh I'm dealing.
Chapter 2:
Today you messaged me and and to be fully and completly honest it made my entire day. It may seem sad and pathetic that after all this time and all the good things that are in my life all you have to do is say hello and it makes my day.I know that most people will never understand this and that you will probably never actually read this but I love you, Im not in love with you or anything but I just Love you, you are a fantastic person that I love spending time with and can talk to for hours on end, you brought me out of my shell and you have helped me in more ways than you will ever know and to me you will always be the one that got away so this chapter is an ode to you..so thankyou. Its impossible to
forget anyone yuo love that has made you a better person and you made me a better person.
Chapter 3:
I seem to like writing letters to people who will never actually read them and this one is for someone else. You were this person whom I never thought I could like and when i did like you i denied it to my self and everyone else. I learned something, I learned that its way to hard ot push feelings to the back of your head and just pretend they dont exist becuase A) they dont coem from your head they come from your heart and B) you can only pretend so long and eventually teh feeling come out in a drunken ramble on the wat home from a bar. They eventually lead to spending more time together, to innocent hand holding to accidental kisses. The truth is I cant take any of it back and I don't want to.. I don't regret any of it for a second. You are a great person who can get along with everyone and you have a fantastic sense of humor. I have heard people call you things like an idiot and an asshole and the only people who call you that are people who don't know the real you...people can think what they want after all it is a free country and you may be an asshole but you were the asshole who made me happy.
Chapter 4:
This chapter is for my friends. You know exactly who you are, you are the best of the best and you rock my socks. YOu are the people Ive stayed in touch with after highschool or the people I met after highschool and the people I'll never forget. My friends are all part of my life and they make me who I am, they are all like pieces of a puzzle and with out a piece I'm incomplete. I can't mention everyone cause it wou;d be way to much to type but I owudl liek to mention the PRS I love you guys. Special mention to Alison-Have fun in Ireland babe we'll miss you, Kely belly- Enjoy BC nad UNB bring back a cute cowboy, also to Alex-Halifax is amazing and it had good cronic and all but Please come home soon I miss you way too much. Dani Im giving you you're own sentance because I seem to spend way to much tiem with you lol plus we have hte same name and are practically the same person and we are geniuses in the kitchen and our paretn s think we are lesbians lol why ruin a good joke..I love you keep you chin up- an open air way allows you to inhale more pot lol. Also a special mention to Chris you don't keep secrets very well but I repeatedly seem to cry in front of you and unload my feelings lol you seem to be at the wrongplace at the wrong time lol but thankyou for not punchig me in the face and telling me to shut up.
Chapter 5:
Sometimes it seems hard to remember things, sometimes memories are good, some are bad and some are painful. Tonight I looked a old pictures and this time they weren't painful they made me smile. Looking at old pictures and memories reminds me that I've lived. that I'v done things and that i want to accomplish more things in my life. Some of the memories may not be so sweet but theyy remind me that i've made mistakes, that I'm not perfect and neither is life, they make we want to be a better person and they give me the courage to move on and make each day better than the one before it. I don't htink people realize this but to me remembering is one of the best gifts in life. There are people that I've loved and lost and memories are all that I have left of them. Life is too short and it changes too quickly that sometimes we forget to live in the present and appreciate the things and people in our lives, all we can do is remember the ones that have had the greatest impact. My life is my white castle and I hoep that when I get to the end I can look back and remember. I hope I will be able ot look back, smile,laugh and rememebr the good times. I hope I can look back and know that I did every thing I needed and wanted to and that I lived my life ot the very fullest.
Conclusion:
This really turned out ot be as long as a novel I guess not writing a livejournal entry in a while all the words were just building up in my head. I don't kwow if anyone will actually read any or all of this but if you haev read this far well kudos for you for not falling asleep yet. Everyone whose been a part of my life, everythign ive done or not done and every decision i've made had made me the person I am today, they are the pieces of my puzzle, my life, my white castle. I don't regret any thing i've ever done or any oen i've ever know becasue that would be regretting who I am at this moment and I don't.
Intro:
Its been so long since I have made a proper update on Lj and its not becasue I didn't want to or because I couldn't spare five minutes to write something down about my life. I deffinately have had alot of things to say but I think they have all been so tangled up in my head, I dont think i knew how I felt or what I thought, I don't think I could have written something meaningful if I tried. But now I know so here it is:
Chapter 1:
Life is crazy and busy and changing way faster than I ever imagined and Im starting to feel a little over whelmed. Its been 4 months since my dad moved out and thigns have been slowly looking better. I odnt have to dela iwth my paretns fighting as much, my dad and I are getting along better than ever. Both my parents have new boyfriends and girlfriends and everyone is startign over and movign on. MY house is sold and I move in July but we still don't have a hosue to move into because my mom is being a lazy ass and procrastinating. Ive been ok with everythign for the last 4 months, I wanted this but a week ago it hit me. I left Dani's house and I almost got to my house but When i stopped at the stopsign I jsut couldn't move, I froze and I just couldnt go home, i relaized that for the last 20 years ive been living my life the same way and in 4 months it has changed and been scrambelled aroudn and flipped upside down...so I drove all the way back to my second home and blazed and watched Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Long story short pot may not be the solution to lifes problems but it sure helps temporarily and uhh I'm dealing.
Chapter 2:
Today you messaged me and and to be fully and completly honest it made my entire day. It may seem sad and pathetic that after all this time and all the good things that are in my life all you have to do is say hello and it makes my day.I know that most people will never understand this and that you will probably never actually read this but I love you, Im not in love with you or anything but I just Love you, you are a fantastic person that I love spending time with and can talk to for hours on end, you brought me out of my shell and you have helped me in more ways than you will ever know and to me you will always be the one that got away so this chapter is an ode to you..so thankyou. Its impossible to
forget anyone yuo love that has made you a better person and you made me a better person.
Chapter 3:
I seem to like writing letters to people who will never actually read them and this one is for someone else. You were this person whom I never thought I could like and when i did like you i denied it to my self and everyone else. I learned something, I learned that its way to hard ot push feelings to the back of your head and just pretend they dont exist becuase A) they dont coem from your head they come from your heart and B) you can only pretend so long and eventually teh feeling come out in a drunken ramble on the wat home from a bar. They eventually lead to spending more time together, to innocent hand holding to accidental kisses. The truth is I cant take any of it back and I don't want to.. I don't regret any of it for a second. You are a great person who can get along with everyone and you have a fantastic sense of humor. I have heard people call you things like an idiot and an asshole and the only people who call you that are people who don't know the real you...people can think what they want after all it is a free country and you may be an asshole but you were the asshole who made me happy.
Chapter 4:
This chapter is for my friends. You know exactly who you are, you are the best of the best and you rock my socks. YOu are the people Ive stayed in touch with after highschool or the people I met after highschool and the people I'll never forget. My friends are all part of my life and they make me who I am, they are all like pieces of a puzzle and with out a piece I'm incomplete. I can't mention everyone cause it wou;d be way to much to type but I owudl liek to mention the PRS I love you guys. Special mention to Alison-Have fun in Ireland babe we'll miss you, Kely belly- Enjoy BC nad UNB bring back a cute cowboy, also to Alex-Halifax is amazing and it had good cronic and all but Please come home soon I miss you way too much. Dani Im giving you you're own sentance because I seem to spend way to much tiem with you lol plus we have hte same name and are practically the same person and we are geniuses in the kitchen and our paretn s think we are lesbians lol why ruin a good joke..I love you keep you chin up- an open air way allows you to inhale more pot lol. Also a special mention to Chris you don't keep secrets very well but I repeatedly seem to cry in front of you and unload my feelings lol you seem to be at the wrongplace at the wrong time lol but thankyou for not punchig me in the face and telling me to shut up.
Chapter 5:
Sometimes it seems hard to remember things, sometimes memories are good, some are bad and some are painful. Tonight I looked a old pictures and this time they weren't painful they made me smile. Looking at old pictures and memories reminds me that I've lived. that I'v done things and that i want to accomplish more things in my life. Some of the memories may not be so sweet but theyy remind me that i've made mistakes, that I'm not perfect and neither is life, they make we want to be a better person and they give me the courage to move on and make each day better than the one before it. I don't htink people realize this but to me remembering is one of the best gifts in life. There are people that I've loved and lost and memories are all that I have left of them. Life is too short and it changes too quickly that sometimes we forget to live in the present and appreciate the things and people in our lives, all we can do is remember the ones that have had the greatest impact. My life is my white castle and I hoep that when I get to the end I can look back and remember. I hope I will be able ot look back, smile,laugh and rememebr the good times. I hope I can look back and know that I did every thing I needed and wanted to and that I lived my life ot the very fullest.
Conclusion:
This really turned out ot be as long as a novel I guess not writing a livejournal entry in a while all the words were just building up in my head. I don't kwow if anyone will actually read any or all of this but if you haev read this far well kudos for you for not falling asleep yet. Everyone whose been a part of my life, everythign ive done or not done and every decision i've made had made me the person I am today, they are the pieces of my puzzle, my life, my white castle. I don't regret any thing i've ever done or any oen i've ever know becasue that would be regretting who I am at this moment and I don't.