(no subject)
I just spent the last 3 hours talking to Josh. A lot of things were said that needed to be said. It resulted in both of us crying and we both said "I love you". We both realize that we are each other's best friend. He apologized for hurting me, and he said that he's known all along that he has hurt me and that it kills him. I told him about Joel. Josh said that if Joel ever tried to hurt me that he would be here in a heartbeat because he's never gonna let anything happen to me. He told me that he just wanted me to be happy.. even if it's not with him. We both realize that we want to be together.. so much.. but it's just not possible right now. I think he finally feels what I've been feeling all along.. that pain. He finally gets it. It just took all of this for him to finally see. We'll always be in each others lives. We know this now. He said he'd much rather have me as a friend than nothing at all. And I believe him because we just can't seem to let go of each other. It's 4:05 AM in NC. Meaning that my boyfriend has to be up in 3 hours. I feel guilty about staying up so late talking to Josh, but we needed that. Josh will always be one of my very best friends. He's just too much a part of me. It sucks. Fate brought us together.. we'll see what happens next. Will my one and only be Josh or Joel..? That is the question. I'm going to bed now.s