pull me in to your perfect circle.
things have been going well as of late. very nicely, i must say, with the exception of only one or two minor details. for some reason, i am finding myself in the midst of another cycle of not eating. but even when i do it, i find it constantly making me sick. this also happens, ive found, when i drink caffeinated beverages, but this is odd as it has only started recently. perhaps the caffeine has nothing to do with it and im completely wrong, but i dont think so. also, i cant tell when im hungry anymore. obviously i dont have a problem with not eating. i know its not good for me, but i just dont care. the thing is that lately i dont know that im hungry. until i eat something, i dont realize how incredibly fucking hungry i am. and then i eat, which is usually once a day, and i feel famished. it also gives me the sensation of having small pebbles dropped into my stomach, much like one hears them landing in the water at the bottom of a well. sometimes it sort of hurts... and drinking... cold drinks are unbearable at times. hot drinks are much easier, but it feels like they are coating my insides. its incredibly odd, but im sure it will pass at some point. and aside from that, theres not been anything in the way of my happiness, i suppose. i now find myself, however, in a position of owing an explanation to someone, and i am going to give it to them. and soon. but i really cant figure out what to say. moreover, i know what needs to be said, but i do not know how to soften the blow. im usually very good at this... but i think there may be no way around it this time. the problem is that i am unbothered by it, by the actual occurence. but i know that simply because it causes me no amount of discord does not mean that it will not have a negative effect on someone else... and in this case, it is someone i care about. i just cant seem to find it in me to feel anything. anything about anything or anyone. i dont know why... its as though im completely void of feeling.
i got home around 2am, was in bed by 2:30, and up by 7:30. and the whole first half of my day was spent in complete misery and a trance-like state of exhaustion. i either have to get 7 to 8 hours or more of sleep or get only an hour or two. anywhere in the middle means i am going to be completely drained and unable to function. so during second block i came home, and i was so tired that i didnt want to move. i had all these things i needed to do, but i really couldnt make myself, so i just crawled into bed. feeling much better now, and ive got less than 100 note cards left to do. ((smiles)) so if i finish before the concert tomorrow then i can just do my paper on monday and from there on out it should be just coasting until i graduate.
i got paid yesterday. anna and i went to taco bell shortly after i got it cashed and had some fine mexican dining, as always. ;) and saw a lady with little bunnies on her socks. no, really, they were 3d bunny heads. it was fuckin creepy. and then i took her home and went home to finish up my book, which i did, and then i started my note cards. around 7 i decided to go to the mall, as id been thinking about purchasing some new undergarments for awhile and felt in the mood to spend. which i did. $100 yesterday. but id like to think it was worth it. the majority of it was spent on underwear. ((laughs)) it was $30 for gas + taco bell. the rest was all me. the panties i got are so comfortable. and cuteness, too. and this bra... i think i will just spend the rest of my life in. its glorious. $36 just for it, but id say it was well-spent.
tomorrow is the day. the day. theres not a word in the english language sufficient enough to express my excitement. and were not leaving until around 12, so that gives me more time to wake up and what not. im so incredibly glad that i get to ride down there with aranda. i wouldve enjoyed the show anyway, but going with brad and his girlfriend and her friend would have just been odd for me. damn im so ecstatic! ((dances)) fuck yes. ive been waiting for this, and now its here. my first concert, and theres no one else id rather see. mwhahahaha. im beaming! this is going to be fucking awesome!
by the way,
some of my photographs (2-3)
are hanging in the front window
of barnes & noble.
all friends, romans
and countrymen are encouraged
to stop by.
i got home around 2am, was in bed by 2:30, and up by 7:30. and the whole first half of my day was spent in complete misery and a trance-like state of exhaustion. i either have to get 7 to 8 hours or more of sleep or get only an hour or two. anywhere in the middle means i am going to be completely drained and unable to function. so during second block i came home, and i was so tired that i didnt want to move. i had all these things i needed to do, but i really couldnt make myself, so i just crawled into bed. feeling much better now, and ive got less than 100 note cards left to do. ((smiles)) so if i finish before the concert tomorrow then i can just do my paper on monday and from there on out it should be just coasting until i graduate.
i got paid yesterday. anna and i went to taco bell shortly after i got it cashed and had some fine mexican dining, as always. ;) and saw a lady with little bunnies on her socks. no, really, they were 3d bunny heads. it was fuckin creepy. and then i took her home and went home to finish up my book, which i did, and then i started my note cards. around 7 i decided to go to the mall, as id been thinking about purchasing some new undergarments for awhile and felt in the mood to spend. which i did. $100 yesterday. but id like to think it was worth it. the majority of it was spent on underwear. ((laughs)) it was $30 for gas + taco bell. the rest was all me. the panties i got are so comfortable. and cuteness, too. and this bra... i think i will just spend the rest of my life in. its glorious. $36 just for it, but id say it was well-spent.
tomorrow is the day. the day. theres not a word in the english language sufficient enough to express my excitement. and were not leaving until around 12, so that gives me more time to wake up and what not. im so incredibly glad that i get to ride down there with aranda. i wouldve enjoyed the show anyway, but going with brad and his girlfriend and her friend would have just been odd for me. damn im so ecstatic! ((dances)) fuck yes. ive been waiting for this, and now its here. my first concert, and theres no one else id rather see. mwhahahaha. im beaming! this is going to be fucking awesome!
by the way,
some of my photographs (2-3)
are hanging in the front window
of barnes & noble.
all friends, romans
and countrymen are encouraged
to stop by.