(no subject)

Oct 12, 2004 18:56

Wow...I just got an IM from one of Justin's (he lives in Mississippi) friends. I haven't talked to this dude in ages. It got me to start thinking (with a little aid of my good friend "bunny"). Man, I really did adore that kid (Justin). I remember staying up all weekend so I could talk to him. And when AIM introduced the "talk" feature, I remember downloading it just so I could hear his voice. Everyday after that we took full advantage of the feature. I remember getting yelled at for being on the internet too long. I still have the letter, pictures he drew, and the sticker he gave me for my birthday. I didn't love this kid. I wasn't head over heels for him. He was just this really awesome person who I loved talking to. He was funny, his friends were funny, and in some senses, I really do miss them a lot. But I really wouldn't change the way things turned out. He turned into a really big dick, and started acting real weird towards me and I was really hurt. I thought I had found a new soul to confide in. The way he started treating me made me feel ugly and sick. I hate people...I hate change.

"Floating freely, you don't notice your words. Everything you take in, you chew up and spit back out. Is this taste too harsh and unreal for you? This isn't the comfort you're used to is it? You're unpure and disgusting. Is this what I get for trusting? For what am I being punished for? I hate the sudden turn of events. I understand the real you under the thick skin. I know you've put yourself away. You're afraid...I'm sorry...I can not help you now."

-This is my Dedication (this a rare thing)-
I wish you knew how much I really love you. I still have the same feeling I had when I first realized how hard I was falling for you. You make me feel like I serve a real perhaps. I love being around you. The time not spent with you is spent anticipating the next minutes, hours, days, and weeks with you. Nine months and running. It's wonderful.

So I guess I am a pathetic soul...oh well. I'm happy.
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