Competition fic 3 of 4: Ghost kisses
I think I will do one of these today and one tomorrow and then I have them all up for perusal. I will see about doing some writing again tomorrow...
Title: Ghost Kisses
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII: Post AC
Pairing: Zack x Cloud
Rating: PG - General readership
Notes: Sometimes, even death can't keep you apart...
Ghost Kisses
Cloud gunned Fenrir’s engine, pushing the huge bike on harder, the machine responding instantly. He could do this drive with his eyes closed by now, something regular, almost ritual. He would make sure Tifa and the kids were okay, walk out of the bar and turn his phone off. He would pick up his messages later. Then he would start the drive out of Edge, out to overlook the ruins of Midgar, the great machine moving under him. As always he would have the Buster Six sword with him, its component parts all resting in their appropriate slots within Fenrir’s compartments. He never needed it, but it was never known what monsters may be met on the way. Then after a while his destination would come into view, and his heart would tighten in anticipation and with the memories. He chose not to think about how hollow he felt as he went through the ritual, how empty he had become.
Now there, as always he slowed right down, pulling up and stopping at the outcrop gently. He swallowed hard as he stepped off Fenrir’s back, the horrid memory of this place tugging at him as he took off his riding glasses. But no matter how hard the memory was, he would never stop coming back. He would always honour the one who sacrificed himself for him to live on, and had done so right here. The Buster sword remained upright, the memorial he had made himself when his mind had become his own again, after the fights with Sephiroth, after Meteor. Well over a year his mind had been fractured, in pieces after their captivity and his death, and had lived out his life in some kind of twisted tribute to his death.
“For the both of us… You’re gonna live… you’ll be my living legacy.”
Maybe that was why he had done it, those words, spoken with fading breaths. Maybe when his own mind couldn’t cope with what had been done to him, with his death, maybe that was why he chose to live as him, his hero. And now he was a hero in his own right, but the taste of the honour he had won in his battles was bitter in his mouth. In a way, he felt that it didn’t belong to him. He knelt before the rusting sword, pressing his forehead to the great blade.
“Zack,” he breathed softly.
“I hope you’re not beating yourself up again Spikey.”
It was more of a grimace than a smile that reached his face as he heard Zack behind him. It was hard too, something bittersweet, longed for and painful at the same time. He had thought himself going mad at first, but found Zack had begun to manifest somehow, not long after he started coming here. It was precisely why he kept coming back. He turned to see Zack standing over him, arms folded across his chest, the smile as always in place. His form was more solid, it seemingly becoming more so as he became more practised at manifesting, but as always, was slightly transparent, tinged with the green of the Life Stream like an aura.
“Well someone has to, you can’t do it for me anymore.” He teased gently.
“You’ll always be the runt I’m afraid kid, even if you can wipe the floor with all of us.”
Zack laughed, and as always, its carefree sound lifted and crushed his heart both at the same time. Zack on the other hand looked down on him, cocking his head slightly as he got a sense of Cloud’s mood. Good Gaia that smile even extended to his voice when Zack spoke. Just how could he be so carefree while his own heart and soul ached so badly?
“Come on Spike, sit down,” Zack said softly, shifting to sit on the ground beside him. It was at times like these he struggled to remember Zack was just a shade, beyond his reach now. “Come on, spit it out, what’s eating you?”
Cloud turned, slightly startled by the question. But then again this was Zack, there were no secrets.
“It’s not fair,” he whispered, hating how upset he sounded. Angry he could handle, but upset just made him seem weak, childlike.
Zack shook his head. “Aw come on, you need to give me more than that.”
Cloud sighed, looking at the rusting sword, its outline against the ruins of the city.
“Sephiroth, he’s back.”
“Well duh, like you haven’t told me this already.” Zack teased.
But instead of cheering Cloud it frustrated him.
“Seeing him with Vincent… it’s so hard. It’s not that I think he’s going to go off the deep end again, he’s the Sephiroth we knew again, before…”
“Nibelheim,” Zack finished for him softly.
Cloud nodded.
“It’s just… well it’s not fair. He gets to come back, to have a lover, and I can’t even touch you…”
Kiss you.
That was why coming here was so hard. He got to talk to Zack, to hear his voice, have his comfort and guidance. But he wanted more, he wanted what they had shared. Stolen nights and stolen kisses, having to be quiet in bunks lest they be discovered. When Zack’s friendship had become more he could no longer recall, the memories like ghosts in their own right. He could only remember what it was like to be kissed that first time, embarrassed and frightened, but never wanting it to end. The sensations were there, the emotions, but the setting had faded away to nothing. There was the way his heart had fluttered in his chest in sheer joy, realising for the first time, in that first embrace, that he loved Zack and probably would never stop loving him.
It had been awkward, he was just a trooper and his self esteem was not high, not after the bullies of his youth, not after failing to get into SOLDIER. He was small, different, but Zack wanted him, and that was all that mattered. He gave his all to Zack, letting the elder teach him so much, kisses becoming more and more until Zack engineered time alone for them. He gave Zack the gift of his virginity in a night full of bliss that became the first of many. Those times laid against each other without a care in the world had become so precious to him, the sensations of being one with his lover, feeling whole. Zack became everything to him, his heart and soul. Then that dreaded mission came, the one where he had to go home, the one that had ended in fire and death and pain, and of course the mako green of a suspension tank.
The ShinRa Mansion, a place of death. It had torn up Vincent and spat him back out to be discovered thirty years later, no longer human. The books in its library had sent Sephiroth mad, and in that place he’d had torn his mind and body torn apart, then put back together, over and over and over again until he had lost the will to live. Until Zack had got them out.
Zack saw him shudder and wished he could offer physical comfort to his lover, but if he reached out, all his hand would do was pass right through him.
“I know,” he murmured. “I miss you too Spike. But I’m not gone, I’m right here, waiting for you.”
Cloud nodded, knowing the truth in his words.
“I guess I am just jealous.”
“Seph had to come back, the Life Stream wouldn’t let him in, not while some of Jenova remained at any rate. Better that he’s back than lost for good. He doesn’t deserve that.”
Cloud knew he was right, but it didn’t stop the bitter ache in his heart every time he looked at Sephiroth. Zack must have known his mind because he was suddenly kneeling before him.
“Cloud, I want you to trust me. Now close your eyes.”
There was no question that he would do it, he trusted Zack more than anyone. Zack took a deep breath, or as deep as a spirit can. He had been working at gaining strength for a long time to attempt what he was about to do. He only hoped it wasn’t too soon. Cloud wondered what was going on when all of a sudden his breath was stolen from him. It was only for the merest of moments, but he could feel sword calloused hands cupping his face, soft lips against his own, he could smell and taste Zack. It was heartbreakingly sweet and over far too soon, but if he never felt this again until the day he died, it was enough. He was shivering as he opened his eyes Zack watching for his reaction. A tear ran down his face as for the first time in what seemed like an age, Cloud smiled.
Title: Ghost Kisses
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII: Post AC
Pairing: Zack x Cloud
Rating: PG - General readership
Notes: Sometimes, even death can't keep you apart...
Ghost Kisses
Cloud gunned Fenrir’s engine, pushing the huge bike on harder, the machine responding instantly. He could do this drive with his eyes closed by now, something regular, almost ritual. He would make sure Tifa and the kids were okay, walk out of the bar and turn his phone off. He would pick up his messages later. Then he would start the drive out of Edge, out to overlook the ruins of Midgar, the great machine moving under him. As always he would have the Buster Six sword with him, its component parts all resting in their appropriate slots within Fenrir’s compartments. He never needed it, but it was never known what monsters may be met on the way. Then after a while his destination would come into view, and his heart would tighten in anticipation and with the memories. He chose not to think about how hollow he felt as he went through the ritual, how empty he had become.
Now there, as always he slowed right down, pulling up and stopping at the outcrop gently. He swallowed hard as he stepped off Fenrir’s back, the horrid memory of this place tugging at him as he took off his riding glasses. But no matter how hard the memory was, he would never stop coming back. He would always honour the one who sacrificed himself for him to live on, and had done so right here. The Buster sword remained upright, the memorial he had made himself when his mind had become his own again, after the fights with Sephiroth, after Meteor. Well over a year his mind had been fractured, in pieces after their captivity and his death, and had lived out his life in some kind of twisted tribute to his death.
“For the both of us… You’re gonna live… you’ll be my living legacy.”
Maybe that was why he had done it, those words, spoken with fading breaths. Maybe when his own mind couldn’t cope with what had been done to him, with his death, maybe that was why he chose to live as him, his hero. And now he was a hero in his own right, but the taste of the honour he had won in his battles was bitter in his mouth. In a way, he felt that it didn’t belong to him. He knelt before the rusting sword, pressing his forehead to the great blade.
“Zack,” he breathed softly.
“I hope you’re not beating yourself up again Spikey.”
It was more of a grimace than a smile that reached his face as he heard Zack behind him. It was hard too, something bittersweet, longed for and painful at the same time. He had thought himself going mad at first, but found Zack had begun to manifest somehow, not long after he started coming here. It was precisely why he kept coming back. He turned to see Zack standing over him, arms folded across his chest, the smile as always in place. His form was more solid, it seemingly becoming more so as he became more practised at manifesting, but as always, was slightly transparent, tinged with the green of the Life Stream like an aura.
“Well someone has to, you can’t do it for me anymore.” He teased gently.
“You’ll always be the runt I’m afraid kid, even if you can wipe the floor with all of us.”
Zack laughed, and as always, its carefree sound lifted and crushed his heart both at the same time. Zack on the other hand looked down on him, cocking his head slightly as he got a sense of Cloud’s mood. Good Gaia that smile even extended to his voice when Zack spoke. Just how could he be so carefree while his own heart and soul ached so badly?
“Come on Spike, sit down,” Zack said softly, shifting to sit on the ground beside him. It was at times like these he struggled to remember Zack was just a shade, beyond his reach now. “Come on, spit it out, what’s eating you?”
Cloud turned, slightly startled by the question. But then again this was Zack, there were no secrets.
“It’s not fair,” he whispered, hating how upset he sounded. Angry he could handle, but upset just made him seem weak, childlike.
Zack shook his head. “Aw come on, you need to give me more than that.”
Cloud sighed, looking at the rusting sword, its outline against the ruins of the city.
“Sephiroth, he’s back.”
“Well duh, like you haven’t told me this already.” Zack teased.
But instead of cheering Cloud it frustrated him.
“Seeing him with Vincent… it’s so hard. It’s not that I think he’s going to go off the deep end again, he’s the Sephiroth we knew again, before…”
“Nibelheim,” Zack finished for him softly.
Cloud nodded.
“It’s just… well it’s not fair. He gets to come back, to have a lover, and I can’t even touch you…”
Kiss you.
That was why coming here was so hard. He got to talk to Zack, to hear his voice, have his comfort and guidance. But he wanted more, he wanted what they had shared. Stolen nights and stolen kisses, having to be quiet in bunks lest they be discovered. When Zack’s friendship had become more he could no longer recall, the memories like ghosts in their own right. He could only remember what it was like to be kissed that first time, embarrassed and frightened, but never wanting it to end. The sensations were there, the emotions, but the setting had faded away to nothing. There was the way his heart had fluttered in his chest in sheer joy, realising for the first time, in that first embrace, that he loved Zack and probably would never stop loving him.
It had been awkward, he was just a trooper and his self esteem was not high, not after the bullies of his youth, not after failing to get into SOLDIER. He was small, different, but Zack wanted him, and that was all that mattered. He gave his all to Zack, letting the elder teach him so much, kisses becoming more and more until Zack engineered time alone for them. He gave Zack the gift of his virginity in a night full of bliss that became the first of many. Those times laid against each other without a care in the world had become so precious to him, the sensations of being one with his lover, feeling whole. Zack became everything to him, his heart and soul. Then that dreaded mission came, the one where he had to go home, the one that had ended in fire and death and pain, and of course the mako green of a suspension tank.
The ShinRa Mansion, a place of death. It had torn up Vincent and spat him back out to be discovered thirty years later, no longer human. The books in its library had sent Sephiroth mad, and in that place he’d had torn his mind and body torn apart, then put back together, over and over and over again until he had lost the will to live. Until Zack had got them out.
Zack saw him shudder and wished he could offer physical comfort to his lover, but if he reached out, all his hand would do was pass right through him.
“I know,” he murmured. “I miss you too Spike. But I’m not gone, I’m right here, waiting for you.”
Cloud nodded, knowing the truth in his words.
“I guess I am just jealous.”
“Seph had to come back, the Life Stream wouldn’t let him in, not while some of Jenova remained at any rate. Better that he’s back than lost for good. He doesn’t deserve that.”
Cloud knew he was right, but it didn’t stop the bitter ache in his heart every time he looked at Sephiroth. Zack must have known his mind because he was suddenly kneeling before him.
“Cloud, I want you to trust me. Now close your eyes.”
There was no question that he would do it, he trusted Zack more than anyone. Zack took a deep breath, or as deep as a spirit can. He had been working at gaining strength for a long time to attempt what he was about to do. He only hoped it wasn’t too soon. Cloud wondered what was going on when all of a sudden his breath was stolen from him. It was only for the merest of moments, but he could feel sword calloused hands cupping his face, soft lips against his own, he could smell and taste Zack. It was heartbreakingly sweet and over far too soon, but if he never felt this again until the day he died, it was enough. He was shivering as he opened his eyes Zack watching for his reaction. A tear ran down his face as for the first time in what seemed like an age, Cloud smiled.