The Fiction He Lives - Part 3
Title: The Fiction He Lives - Part 3
Author: x_cheapnovelty
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
Rating: M
Summary: Alex is the architect of Jack's despair.
POV: Third
Warnings: Angst, heartache, boykissing, boycrying
Disclaimer: Imaginary.
Author Notes: This is the last chapter. I made myself so upset writing it! But I'm pleased the way it turned out, so...
I hope you like it. Prepare yourself for a heart-wrencher.
And let me know if you think I should make an epilogue..
Jack was at home; it was Sunday. He was sitting on his bed, listening to a playlist he’d made that day. It was mainly sad songs, so he could at least feel sad instead of numb, though it was punctuated randomly with the demos of songs Jack, Alex and their friends had recorded back when All Time Low was still one of their ambitions. It seemed a fitting name, now; Jack sitting here at his lowest point, possibly lower than when Alex left originally.
Dark-eyed dreamers, they were a dangerous pair...
Jack sighed. His heart and mind were each set on a different course of action. His mind told him to sever all ties with Alex, leave, move on, find someone else and try to find happiness again. But his heart was too stubborn and every beat was like a dripping tap.
ba-dum alex
ba-dum alex
ba-dum alex
Jack sighed again as a new demo song came on.
Your lips are a hot flame, baby and our chemistry is kerosene...
They always were physically perfect. Alex’s skinny waist would fit perfectly into Jack’s hips like puzzle pieces and they would kiss zealously. Jack’s mind flashbacked through the years, all those years, so many amazing years and still couldn’t put his finger on the reason Alex would leave without a word.
They were twelve years old, only just still in elementary school, sitting in the school yard together playing Pokemon on their gameboys. The bell would always ring before anyone could win.
Jack remembered the way Alex would always sneak up on him from behind when he least expected it, even if they were in public, and slip his arms around him in that way that he never got sick of, because it was home.
They were fifteen years old, coming home from a school camp. The bus was freezing, it was night time and all their other classmates were sleeping. Alex snuck over to where Jack was sitting and they cuddled to keep warm. Jack fell asleep on Alex and woke up to find him stroking his hair, whispering “my Jacky. We’re so much better off than them.”
Jack’s eyes started to water and he let the tears fall freely now; what was the point in holding them back? He struggled to keep drawing in breaths but still he let the memories continue to wash over him and the tears pour out.
They were seventeen, maybe eighteen now and they were well into the party scene. They’d go out every weekend, probably weeknights too. They were the life of every party and not a soul in their school had a problem with their relationship because they were just so likeable and obviously right for each other that even jocks didn’t care. Of course, at these parties they would sneak chaste kisses before creeping away to secluded nooks to fulfil the intense desire they always had to touch each other.
Jack remembered all of it. Their first kiss, their first ~time, their first anniversary... Jack had known no different kiss, no different fuck, no different love than that which Alex provided him. Jack was Alex. This had never been a problem before; Jack thought that Alex was truly the only one and only for him, and he’d been lucky enough to find him before adolescence even hit.
Alex was Jack’s unrequited love.
The day passed; Jack eventually emerged from his room to make his way down to his empty kitchen within his empty house. He vaguely wondered if there was something other than that godforsaken boy that could make him feel something/anything, but landed on nothing but the possibility of taking ecstasy. But really, he could not be bothered to do such a thing. Nor did he really have anyone to do that with. Jack sighed, again.
I’ve been waiting for a good day... I’ve been holding back long enough...
Jack’s phone was ringing. It was Zack. Jack ignored the call, but stood there listening to the song, considering the words again like he hadn’t before and decided they were even more fitting than ever. He could always count on New Found Glory and Blink. He could not count on Alex. The ringtone stopped, but there was a knock at Jack’s door.
Alex was Jack’s broken smile.
Alexander himself was stood on Jack’s front step looking properly abashed and holding a single red rose. Wow, he thought a flower could fix this.
“A flower?”
“Not - not any flower. It’s a rose, for you.”
“Okay.” Jack took the rose and looked at it, without any expression whatsoever and dropped his hand so the rose hung limply by his side, all grandeur of the gesture lost.
“Jack, I need to apologize,” Alex started. “Can I come in? Please?” He asked. Jack tried to look nonchalant, and hoped Alex couldn’t hear his stuttering heart as he stepped out of Alex’s way.
“What’s there to apologize for? You’ve already explained yourself.”
“I’m so sorry, Jack...”
“Okay.”
“I never should have left, I should have told you-”
“I’ve heard this. The fact remains; you left without a word and stayed there. You stayed there and I didn’t hear from you. You didn’t come back. That cannot be fixed by ‘sorry’, Alex.” A single tear streaked down Alex’s cheek.
“But I am... and I can’t explain myself or my reasoning, but-”
“Then don’t. Just... just leave.” Jack stuttered, and he was breaking inside, now. He didn’t want to push Alex out, but it was tumbling from his mouth, and the more he took in Alex’s eyes, Alex’s hair, his perfect hands, the cheeks he’d never forget the texture of... he fell more in love with this dangerous boy and Jack wasn’t sure if he could handle life anymore.
“N-no, Jack, no! Please let me fix this, give me time, let me fix you!” Alex was panicking now, and he grabbed on to Jack’s shirt. Jack buckled a little bit at the physical contact he wasn’t expecting, but had no time to catch his breath before Alex pressed his lips to Jack’s desperately, kissing him hard, pulling him close until Jack was... Jack was... again lost in memories and the feeling of Alex’s lips and the momentary bubble of relief and warmth that flooded through Jack’s chest as he found his way home again, he was in the arms of the only one that could ever feel right and he kissed back, needing this sweet release, needing so badly his warm heaven after such a cold loneliness... and then Jack remembered the loneliness.
Jack remembered reality.
Jack remembered the months of nothing but pain or a strange nothingness.
He pushed Alex off of him and Alex whimpered but Jack opened his mouth to speak and Alex hushed. Jack couldn’t speak. He couldn’t draw coherent thoughts, let alone coherent words or coherent sentences; the only thing he could do was crumble. He sank to the floor, clutching his chest, crying; just crying soundlessly. Then he found the words he needed:
“Alex, I love you. I can’t love you. I can’t, I can’t... please go. Just go,” and Jack turned his back to his love for the final time, trying to hold himself together until Alex left for good and he could fall apart in peace.
“No, no, Jack I have to fight for you! I will fix you, I have to, I, this is all my doing, my fault, I’m sorry, I love you, I love you Jack...” he cried, attempting to reach out to the hollow creature on the floor but Jack spoke for the last time.
“I just can’t, Alex. I can’t. Please go,” he whispered, eyes closed and he heard the hesitation, final sob, final footsteps of Alex as he crossed the room and shut himself out of Jack’s life for the last ever time.
Alex was Jack’s eternal anguish.
Author: x_cheapnovelty
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
Rating: M
Summary: Alex is the architect of Jack's despair.
POV: Third
Warnings: Angst, heartache, boykissing, boycrying
Disclaimer: Imaginary.
Author Notes: This is the last chapter. I made myself so upset writing it! But I'm pleased the way it turned out, so...
I hope you like it. Prepare yourself for a heart-wrencher.
And let me know if you think I should make an epilogue..
Jack was at home; it was Sunday. He was sitting on his bed, listening to a playlist he’d made that day. It was mainly sad songs, so he could at least feel sad instead of numb, though it was punctuated randomly with the demos of songs Jack, Alex and their friends had recorded back when All Time Low was still one of their ambitions. It seemed a fitting name, now; Jack sitting here at his lowest point, possibly lower than when Alex left originally.
Dark-eyed dreamers, they were a dangerous pair...
Jack sighed. His heart and mind were each set on a different course of action. His mind told him to sever all ties with Alex, leave, move on, find someone else and try to find happiness again. But his heart was too stubborn and every beat was like a dripping tap.
ba-dum alex
ba-dum alex
ba-dum alex
Jack sighed again as a new demo song came on.
Your lips are a hot flame, baby and our chemistry is kerosene...
They always were physically perfect. Alex’s skinny waist would fit perfectly into Jack’s hips like puzzle pieces and they would kiss zealously. Jack’s mind flashbacked through the years, all those years, so many amazing years and still couldn’t put his finger on the reason Alex would leave without a word.
They were twelve years old, only just still in elementary school, sitting in the school yard together playing Pokemon on their gameboys. The bell would always ring before anyone could win.
Jack remembered the way Alex would always sneak up on him from behind when he least expected it, even if they were in public, and slip his arms around him in that way that he never got sick of, because it was home.
They were fifteen years old, coming home from a school camp. The bus was freezing, it was night time and all their other classmates were sleeping. Alex snuck over to where Jack was sitting and they cuddled to keep warm. Jack fell asleep on Alex and woke up to find him stroking his hair, whispering “my Jacky. We’re so much better off than them.”
Jack’s eyes started to water and he let the tears fall freely now; what was the point in holding them back? He struggled to keep drawing in breaths but still he let the memories continue to wash over him and the tears pour out.
They were seventeen, maybe eighteen now and they were well into the party scene. They’d go out every weekend, probably weeknights too. They were the life of every party and not a soul in their school had a problem with their relationship because they were just so likeable and obviously right for each other that even jocks didn’t care. Of course, at these parties they would sneak chaste kisses before creeping away to secluded nooks to fulfil the intense desire they always had to touch each other.
Jack remembered all of it. Their first kiss, their first ~time, their first anniversary... Jack had known no different kiss, no different fuck, no different love than that which Alex provided him. Jack was Alex. This had never been a problem before; Jack thought that Alex was truly the only one and only for him, and he’d been lucky enough to find him before adolescence even hit.
Alex was Jack’s unrequited love.
The day passed; Jack eventually emerged from his room to make his way down to his empty kitchen within his empty house. He vaguely wondered if there was something other than that godforsaken boy that could make him feel something/anything, but landed on nothing but the possibility of taking ecstasy. But really, he could not be bothered to do such a thing. Nor did he really have anyone to do that with. Jack sighed, again.
I’ve been waiting for a good day... I’ve been holding back long enough...
Jack’s phone was ringing. It was Zack. Jack ignored the call, but stood there listening to the song, considering the words again like he hadn’t before and decided they were even more fitting than ever. He could always count on New Found Glory and Blink. He could not count on Alex. The ringtone stopped, but there was a knock at Jack’s door.
Alex was Jack’s broken smile.
Alexander himself was stood on Jack’s front step looking properly abashed and holding a single red rose. Wow, he thought a flower could fix this.
“A flower?”
“Not - not any flower. It’s a rose, for you.”
“Okay.” Jack took the rose and looked at it, without any expression whatsoever and dropped his hand so the rose hung limply by his side, all grandeur of the gesture lost.
“Jack, I need to apologize,” Alex started. “Can I come in? Please?” He asked. Jack tried to look nonchalant, and hoped Alex couldn’t hear his stuttering heart as he stepped out of Alex’s way.
“What’s there to apologize for? You’ve already explained yourself.”
“I’m so sorry, Jack...”
“Okay.”
“I never should have left, I should have told you-”
“I’ve heard this. The fact remains; you left without a word and stayed there. You stayed there and I didn’t hear from you. You didn’t come back. That cannot be fixed by ‘sorry’, Alex.” A single tear streaked down Alex’s cheek.
“But I am... and I can’t explain myself or my reasoning, but-”
“Then don’t. Just... just leave.” Jack stuttered, and he was breaking inside, now. He didn’t want to push Alex out, but it was tumbling from his mouth, and the more he took in Alex’s eyes, Alex’s hair, his perfect hands, the cheeks he’d never forget the texture of... he fell more in love with this dangerous boy and Jack wasn’t sure if he could handle life anymore.
“N-no, Jack, no! Please let me fix this, give me time, let me fix you!” Alex was panicking now, and he grabbed on to Jack’s shirt. Jack buckled a little bit at the physical contact he wasn’t expecting, but had no time to catch his breath before Alex pressed his lips to Jack’s desperately, kissing him hard, pulling him close until Jack was... Jack was... again lost in memories and the feeling of Alex’s lips and the momentary bubble of relief and warmth that flooded through Jack’s chest as he found his way home again, he was in the arms of the only one that could ever feel right and he kissed back, needing this sweet release, needing so badly his warm heaven after such a cold loneliness... and then Jack remembered the loneliness.
Jack remembered reality.
Jack remembered the months of nothing but pain or a strange nothingness.
He pushed Alex off of him and Alex whimpered but Jack opened his mouth to speak and Alex hushed. Jack couldn’t speak. He couldn’t draw coherent thoughts, let alone coherent words or coherent sentences; the only thing he could do was crumble. He sank to the floor, clutching his chest, crying; just crying soundlessly. Then he found the words he needed:
“Alex, I love you. I can’t love you. I can’t, I can’t... please go. Just go,” and Jack turned his back to his love for the final time, trying to hold himself together until Alex left for good and he could fall apart in peace.
“No, no, Jack I have to fight for you! I will fix you, I have to, I, this is all my doing, my fault, I’m sorry, I love you, I love you Jack...” he cried, attempting to reach out to the hollow creature on the floor but Jack spoke for the last time.
“I just can’t, Alex. I can’t. Please go,” he whispered, eyes closed and he heard the hesitation, final sob, final footsteps of Alex as he crossed the room and shut himself out of Jack’s life for the last ever time.
Alex was Jack’s eternal anguish.