pierce the skin and the blood runs through

[x_cadillacblues]

 It's nearing 11 days to my first paper, yet 'ready' and 'prepared' are not exactly the choice adjectives I'm looking for. I don't know why I haven't been able to get down to really focusing on my notes, trying to digest them as much as possible so as to save myself the unnecessary brain drain that will come about as a result of cramming too much in too little time. I see a pattern forming before my eyes - my exam mode comes on later and later every semester; it frightens me. What frightens me more is my blasé attitude towards this budding bad habit. I feel that there's no point in pushing myself anymore. It seems that getting those elusive As is no longer in the picture I have painted for myself.

Even if it is a murky cloudy picture I am looking at.

I think I need to push myself to feel scared again. To feel anxious, worried, completely uneasy. I need to revisit that path.

I need to feel.