(no subject)
:( i feel sad....like i am about to be very self-destructive.
my fucking vagina hurts for one thing. it's like a literal UTI mixed in with the fact that it's cut down there(god knows how!) so i'm sore and bleeding and burning all at the same time. So, that is scary and unpleasant. And, on top of that I keep throwing up. I cannot sleep, at all, either. I tried. what happened? i start crying because of the whole dan thing, like, it just hurts that he was such an asshole. i really feel like he broke down everything i was. and, i have to rebuild my self-esteem and be okay again. and then i started thinking about how guinness got into the cleaner, and now the dish washing stuff and it's like...i feel like he is going to die and it's going to be my fault. and he is like the only thing i have. i mean, i was laying there trying to sleep and i said "don't get hurt anymore ok guin? i want you to stay" and it's just sad. in general. the fact that everything leaves me. its like someone is trying to say i deserve NOTHING. but its not right, because i try so hard to make sure nothing is left out and it's safe but my stupid fucking roommate leaves things out and i cant always know its all there even if i do my walk-through. I am worried that i am not going to be okay. I am worried about my puppy, as always. I am worried about my aunt as all she did today was cry and tell me it wasn't a good time for me to be there. and, i am worried about my tests on monday because i dont want to be a failure.
my fucking vagina hurts for one thing. it's like a literal UTI mixed in with the fact that it's cut down there(god knows how!) so i'm sore and bleeding and burning all at the same time. So, that is scary and unpleasant. And, on top of that I keep throwing up. I cannot sleep, at all, either. I tried. what happened? i start crying because of the whole dan thing, like, it just hurts that he was such an asshole. i really feel like he broke down everything i was. and, i have to rebuild my self-esteem and be okay again. and then i started thinking about how guinness got into the cleaner, and now the dish washing stuff and it's like...i feel like he is going to die and it's going to be my fault. and he is like the only thing i have. i mean, i was laying there trying to sleep and i said "don't get hurt anymore ok guin? i want you to stay" and it's just sad. in general. the fact that everything leaves me. its like someone is trying to say i deserve NOTHING. but its not right, because i try so hard to make sure nothing is left out and it's safe but my stupid fucking roommate leaves things out and i cant always know its all there even if i do my walk-through. I am worried that i am not going to be okay. I am worried about my puppy, as always. I am worried about my aunt as all she did today was cry and tell me it wasn't a good time for me to be there. and, i am worried about my tests on monday because i dont want to be a failure.