serious dilemma - i just don't know what to do
the events of yesterday are going to eat at my brain until i come to a decision about all that has happened. i really don't know what to do, i'm scared, upset, confused, i don't understand why all of this had to happen to me, i've been crying nonstop. what did i do to deserve all of this chaos? why, right now in my life, do i have to be faced with the dilemma of choosing something i've waited a year for to happen, or choosing something that is completely new to me? why did it have to come to this point? i don't even know why it did. i swear, this puts more pressure on me than anyone else involved, again, how unfair. i really don't think it's all sunk in yet, i'm kind of in this surreal bubble, hoping that what's happened is really all just some awful dream and that i'm going to wake up from it soon. but the more i realize it isn't a dream, the more i realize i'm in big trouble. i'm hoping that somehow, someway, the answer for the right thing to do is just going to come and hit me like a ton of bricks so i don't have to think of an answer myself, although i know i'm not that lucky. i hate this, i really really do. i just seriously have no idea what i'm supposed to do. :( xoxo <3