Dear Gravity,
I'm gonna start this off simple and mature. Life Is Never Going To Be Perfect. But some times things happen that make it seem like it's that close to actually getting there. You find out when you're young that certain things you do cause you to get yourself or others in trouble that is usually well deserved. Sometimes your parents can get you out of 'sticky' situations just because you are a little kid. That, my friend, is the easiest part. But as you get older you find yourself doing the exact same thing, except this time there is no bail. There is no way out that others can provide you with, for you have to find a way out all by your self. But sometimes you can find the way out easy, usually by watching your parents or older people who have found themselves in the same situation. It's very simple if you truly think about it. But other times, the only way you seem to be going in down...digging yourself a deeper and deeper hole into some sort of despair. Though I would like to say I'm smart enough not to dig myself into holes with things like drugs and alcohol ((which I will mention are two things I never plan on trying or doing, EVER)) I tend to dig myself into holes away from those I most care about, leaving them and me very tense towards each other and the world. Sometimes I find myself crying out for help I didn't know I needed, and other times I seem to be taking out a shovel and digging myself an even bigger hole away from everything. I feel myself losing people, and that is the last thing I ever imagined happening. My feelings stay inside, as I decide what comes out and what escapes my lips. ((Usually the stuff I'd rather keep to myself escapes)) and there begins the problem. I realize the things I have right now, are what I really want, and really need. I realize my life is amazing right now, but the drama I'm pulling upon myself and others isn't what I wanted at all. I am pushing myself away from the ones I truly love and care about. I can tell you right now, I've never felt so...In Love...I guess with someone before, but now I feel like I'm going to ruin that, and have it explode into pieces in front of my eyes. I stay up for hours thinking about things and how it will turn out in the end. If after all of this we will still really be together. I want that, I know I want that. I know that there is only two or three people I can see myself with in the future, and I know that this person is one of them. I can see myself cuddling, hugging and kissing them like I am right now. Twenty years, thirty years, forever just with them. I say it so many times I might seem crazy, but I've even heard her say it to. I'm following in the foot steps of my mother, watching as every thing good slips through my fingers and in the end...I am the one that will be alone and cold. And in an effort to make that not come true, I am ruining what I have with me right now. I feel it deep inside that I can fix this, but I can't find the right way of doing so. I think, I write. I don't talk about things out loud, or tell what I'm really thinking when a situation goes to a point I don't want it to be at. I am sitting and watching, being my normal observant self. Watching the moods of others change, and how that effects the people around them, including myself. But I never see how my mood changes effect these people, I see when silence takes control cause someone is mad or angry, but never once do I see what happens when I get upset. I can't sense what I'm doing to people, and I am trying so hard to. I wish I had a chance to see the world through their eyes, to understand their very thoughts and feelings when mine go out of control. I just want the chance to escape from me, so I might be able to read the others. Just five minutes away from my own being. I don't beg often, but this time I am...down on my hands and knees I beg for someone to help me escape from this mess I've put myself into. Someone to help me, so I can go back to those days where I was nothing but happy, and loving the fact that I had someone to love.