thinking
I went to the Homegoing Dance yesterday, watched the world around me
my friends dancing, people grinding, people cheating, and other people watching
one in particular, and i knew he was watching, he was looking, i think he felt something too
I stayed up till 1:45, which for me isnt great because i usually go straight to bed at 10:30 and im out for the count, but somehow i just couldnt sleep
so i finished my kennesaw app. all i gotta do is rewrite the essay i wrote. And i did some major thinking. Yesterday was probly the first time a guy who wasnt my relative said i looked pretty, i could have cared less about who gave me the compliment, but it meant something, to be called pretty. Money is tight here, so tight its sucking the life out, I need a job, and my parents just dont understand. They like being the crutch in which i stand with, but its like they gave me some crappy hospital one. All the things that i need money for just keep bombarding my head, haunting. I acknowledged the fact, that i am the reason why i never had a relationship, i over thought, cared too much, and never said point blank this is how i feel, and i realize now, i just cant wish for some time machine to pop up and let me redue it, i need to learn how to accept it, its too late for the damage done. I feel so naive in my grade, while everyone else was living life, i was in a glass jar. Im too obedient. I dont know what i want, but i feel like im making a huge mistake,, and i want to scream, i want to cry, i want to be happy. When i listen to my headphones, I tune out the whole word, i tune in all the music so it consumes me. I let their screaming take over my invisible emotion. I found out my part was replaced by an 8th grader, i feel cold.
my friends dancing, people grinding, people cheating, and other people watching
one in particular, and i knew he was watching, he was looking, i think he felt something too
I stayed up till 1:45, which for me isnt great because i usually go straight to bed at 10:30 and im out for the count, but somehow i just couldnt sleep
so i finished my kennesaw app. all i gotta do is rewrite the essay i wrote. And i did some major thinking. Yesterday was probly the first time a guy who wasnt my relative said i looked pretty, i could have cared less about who gave me the compliment, but it meant something, to be called pretty. Money is tight here, so tight its sucking the life out, I need a job, and my parents just dont understand. They like being the crutch in which i stand with, but its like they gave me some crappy hospital one. All the things that i need money for just keep bombarding my head, haunting. I acknowledged the fact, that i am the reason why i never had a relationship, i over thought, cared too much, and never said point blank this is how i feel, and i realize now, i just cant wish for some time machine to pop up and let me redue it, i need to learn how to accept it, its too late for the damage done. I feel so naive in my grade, while everyone else was living life, i was in a glass jar. Im too obedient. I dont know what i want, but i feel like im making a huge mistake,, and i want to scream, i want to cry, i want to be happy. When i listen to my headphones, I tune out the whole word, i tune in all the music so it consumes me. I let their screaming take over my invisible emotion. I found out my part was replaced by an 8th grader, i feel cold.