Somewhere I Have Never Travelled, Gladly Beyond - Chapter 15
I was stuck on this chapter forever - the chapter that wouldn’t die. But apparently a three day weekend and a bit of wine work wonders. Might need a bit more editing, but whatever. Maybe that will happen tomorrow
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In spite of this, I know the waiting would be worth my while. Your writing if fluent and the situations and dilemmas you place the characters in are creative and carefully concocted. Even the characters you made up on your own were round and well thought of. All of these created one of the best fanfics I had ever read. I never enjoyed a fanfic as much as I enjoyed yours- and that's the best compliment I could ever bestow upon you, since I've read many (maybe even a few too many).
Though I did enjoy your story, it has it's shortcomings, as any story does. Not once throughout the story did I feel surprised. Everything turned out like I had expected it too. The relationship between Sakura and Deidara, the way they worked their way out of certain situations. Non of their actions had ever surprised me. No, not even when Deidara put Sakura on board and stayed behind.
Furthermore, although your story was full with precise descriptions and potent imagery, I felt it lacked slightly in poetics.
And one last thing before I finish- I think you should have stuck with the view point of only one character. You mostly used Sakura's, and only a few times you used Deidara's. It felt uneven to me, and even slightly confusing.
To sum things up, I must say that although your story wasn't perfect, it was very close to being such. I wish I could as easily find other so marvelous fanfics as easy as I found yours.
Usually when I comment on fanfics, I conclude my review with the encouraging phrase- "Don't give up, keep on writing!". This time I won't, because I know talent as overflowing as yours will have to burst out, one way or another. Telling you to keep writing would be like telling a tree to keep growing or a river to keep flowing. It a simple force of nature that cannot be stopped anyway.
End my waiting soon, please.
Clock Work Clementine.
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The next chapter is on its way... Albeit very gradually. Needless to say it's a very different chapter from the others. I seem to keep hitting roadblocks, but I am working at it, don't worry! I'm sure some evening it will all just hit me in a flash and come tumbling out, but for now it's progressing rather slowly.
That being said, I just logged on to Livejournal to type another paragraph of the story... So off I go to do that! ;)
Thank you so much for letting me know what you thought about the story so far!
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