stay or go, part two: things are looking up
today i turned a corner at work.
i saw the forest for the trees.
the light at the end of the tunnel.
all that jazz.
1) my boss met with some underlings and reassigned some duties. (as in: she lessened their work load). and yes, she reassigned them to me. but this is good...in the process she defined my role there more clearly and now i'm less of a threat to them.. their attitudes changed like magic, and now they come to me for the help that i was always there to give them. phyisical film prod 101 of sorts...
b) my boss met with me. i said to her - "lady x, really, what am i doing here? i can't function as a ghost. i know there are a lot of changes afoot, people got promoted, the office space itself is being shuffled - i need a permanent desk, a phone, some privacy (i can't keep top secret budget and projects out in the open and i can't keep hiding important papers in your office under your plants). so what are going to do about this?" she agreed with me. it's still a little touchy politically, my being there, but she's going to meet with some other folks to get me more permanently situated even if i still am a consultant and not an 'official' member of the staff. basically, i told her i need to be able to communicate openly with her staff and with the other executives above me if i'm to be any sort of help to her, and she saw how my being a shade just wasn't cutting it. good. unfortunately, the duties that were reassigned and given to me involve more of what i hate to do, but it leas it makes what i've ended up doing more cohesive. and the underlings giving me respect - wow. what a difference a day makes. i earned that respect, i paid my dues, i know more than them (and some of the higher-ups), so dig it. we'll see what happens and how long it takes for me to get...a permanent desk. title, contract - that's way down the line.
thirdly) i read a script today that restored my faith in film making. granted, i'm not one of the "creatives" at the moment, i just implement other people's creativity, but if i'm even one little cog in one little wheel that brings this beauty to the screen i'll get some satisfaction. i'll try to at least, without feeling envious of the creators: the problem with being good at management...well we all know what happens to a dream deferred. they're looking to me now, at least partially, to tell them how this can be made for the small price tag they'll allow it (it's a dark, dark little film, darkly humored, right up my dark little alley...). if ican't do it, then there will somebody else who can, so i better buck up and make myself able to do it. which i can. i'll have to do things i don't like doing, but i can. so,
# 4) if i can hang in there long enough, maybe i'll have the chance to do ther things. who knows what this gig can morph into. already i impressed with some creative input on something, and if i have to take the road of management to get to the road of enlightenment and personal, creative satisfaction, maybe i should stop trying to avoif that pth since it keeps being laid out in front of me. maybe, just maybe, it will lead me where i'd rather go.
thanks for tuning in, mon amis.
we'll see how it goes.
ohmmmm.
1) my boss met with some underlings and reassigned some duties. (as in: she lessened their work load). and yes, she reassigned them to me. but this is good...in the process she defined my role there more clearly and now i'm less of a threat to them.. their attitudes changed like magic, and now they come to me for the help that i was always there to give them. phyisical film prod 101 of sorts...
b) my boss met with me. i said to her - "lady x, really, what am i doing here? i can't function as a ghost. i know there are a lot of changes afoot, people got promoted, the office space itself is being shuffled - i need a permanent desk, a phone, some privacy (i can't keep top secret budget and projects out in the open and i can't keep hiding important papers in your office under your plants). so what are going to do about this?" she agreed with me. it's still a little touchy politically, my being there, but she's going to meet with some other folks to get me more permanently situated even if i still am a consultant and not an 'official' member of the staff. basically, i told her i need to be able to communicate openly with her staff and with the other executives above me if i'm to be any sort of help to her, and she saw how my being a shade just wasn't cutting it. good. unfortunately, the duties that were reassigned and given to me involve more of what i hate to do, but it leas it makes what i've ended up doing more cohesive. and the underlings giving me respect - wow. what a difference a day makes. i earned that respect, i paid my dues, i know more than them (and some of the higher-ups), so dig it. we'll see what happens and how long it takes for me to get...a permanent desk. title, contract - that's way down the line.
thirdly) i read a script today that restored my faith in film making. granted, i'm not one of the "creatives" at the moment, i just implement other people's creativity, but if i'm even one little cog in one little wheel that brings this beauty to the screen i'll get some satisfaction. i'll try to at least, without feeling envious of the creators: the problem with being good at management...well we all know what happens to a dream deferred. they're looking to me now, at least partially, to tell them how this can be made for the small price tag they'll allow it (it's a dark, dark little film, darkly humored, right up my dark little alley...). if ican't do it, then there will somebody else who can, so i better buck up and make myself able to do it. which i can. i'll have to do things i don't like doing, but i can. so,
# 4) if i can hang in there long enough, maybe i'll have the chance to do ther things. who knows what this gig can morph into. already i impressed with some creative input on something, and if i have to take the road of management to get to the road of enlightenment and personal, creative satisfaction, maybe i should stop trying to avoif that pth since it keeps being laid out in front of me. maybe, just maybe, it will lead me where i'd rather go.
thanks for tuning in, mon amis.
we'll see how it goes.
ohmmmm.