Been a Long Time
Its been a fast year but a damn painful one...man has alot changed on the inside...very little on the outside. Its almost like every day I see my life, from where it has come and to where it's going, like I'm watching it on TV. Its hard to explain but it's like none of it is my life...that I am not apart of the every day comings and goings of the experiences that I live. Maybe its just that I have been locked up in this house since Tuesday with the flu...but I know it isnt...its more than that. The last year has been hard...so hard and brought so many changes in me. Computer games dont really do it for me anymore. Good lord how can that be?! Ya know...I bought a bunch of CD's from Metropolis Records last week. First purchase in a long time because I felt I needed that Industrial agnst again. So I get the delivery and pop them in and they sound good but they all sound the same. And I read the CD jackets and they all tout the same things "Question God, Government, Society"....blah blah blah. I hit an event a week or so ago for CombiChrist DJ'ing at a local club and no one was there except maybe MAYBE 10 people...and they looked about the most pathetic of lost souls. This was the first time I have been out in over a year and ya know what...I dont miss these people at all. I dont look at the music the same way either...at least not all of it. As a matter of fact I think I actually have grown to take offense to some of it and feel sorry for how lost some of the people really must be that create it, let alone those that become lost listening to it. I'm not trying to say I'm a better person than anyone else but I certainly think that the last year has made me a better person that I was a year ago. I've had time to reflect on what is and is not important in life. Time to reflect on the importance of people and friendship and family. Time to try and let work be what pays the bills but remember that love and family are what keep you alive. I've been focusing on my health, its just ironic that I'm sick right now. But overall I am doing well. Blood pressure is under control, Cholesterol is way down, a suspect skin cancer surgery turned out ok. In general...I'm not doing too damn bad.
I'm going to keep doing things that I have needed to do for a long time. I'm going to plan a vacation...a real one. I'm going to plan time with friends...with family. I'm going to smile more. I'm going to talk to others when I know I need to and not keep it bottled inside. I'm going to live....I'm going to love and allow myself to be loved....and let life lead me down whatever path the sunlight of the day illuminates for me. Because in the end...I know that my friends and family and God will be there walking beside me.
I'm going to keep doing things that I have needed to do for a long time. I'm going to plan a vacation...a real one. I'm going to plan time with friends...with family. I'm going to smile more. I'm going to talk to others when I know I need to and not keep it bottled inside. I'm going to live....I'm going to love and allow myself to be loved....and let life lead me down whatever path the sunlight of the day illuminates for me. Because in the end...I know that my friends and family and God will be there walking beside me.