Why won't you open up?
I can poor my heart out on this stupid journal crap online that means absolutely nothing, but I can't seem to talk to anyone about my feelings. I seem to just blow it off when people try to ask me about what's upsetting me. I like to make other people happy and comfortable, and I have learned from past experience that when you actually show your true emotions and feelings, people get scarred and run off to what makes them feel secure and in control. Everyone wants to be happy with THEIR life. I suffer from selfishness, along with 95 percent of people my age. I know that's off topic a bit, but what I'm saying is that everyone is so preoccupied in staying happy and comfortable with their lives, they don't open up anymore. No one ever shows real, deep emotions - at least none of my friends do to me. I tried to tell my friends how I was feeling last year when I was going through depression as a way to make the situation better for all of us. It turned out that they didn't want to deal with my problems, so they simply phased me out and stopped talking to me until I got "better." Too bad they planted a stupid seed in my head, so that now whenever something is bothering me or when I'm feeling a serious emotion, I refuse to talk about it to its full capacity because I am so afraid of that happening to me again. It's dumb and selfish of me to say that I'm the only one with this problem though. I want other people to open up to me and show me some real emotion. I love to laugh, goof off, and act like a freaking retard just to have fun, but there has to be REAL conversation sometimes, simply for the reason of keeping ourselves SANE! Am I the only one who feels this way? Help me out here people, because I don't want to feel like I'm crazy anymore. I don't want to be the drama queen and I'm not saying I don't act like myself around others.... the point I'm trying to make is that people need to TALK and be there for each other. PLEASE let me know if I sound like I have a stick up my ass or something... I want to have fun, I want to enjoy life, but for God sake I just want people to be REAL sometimes and stop acting like they are "fine" or "decent" ALL THE FREAKING TIME! I know everyone has emotions, stop being afraid to show them!! We could all really help each other out if we would just open up. People need to feel accepted by others, and if showing your true feelings and emotions becomes unacceptable, we will all become lost and confused.... shit, I need something funny to write about in here...