New Year's Asshole
New Year's Eve was fun...
...except for when Carl got hammered and belligerent and jumped down Lukas' throat, as well as mine, about stupid shit and serious things too- and then stormed out pissed. I tried to go after him, but he was impossible to talk to. I thought he was going to drive drunk, and that not only scared the shit out of me but pissed me off. So I apologized to Lukas for Carl being a dick, and he just laughed- he gets it. When you're closed-minded to begin with, getting shitfaced only amplifies your bullshit. I called Carl when I got home around 3:30, and to my surprise, he answered. He didn't go drive- he took a walk. I asked if he was mad at me and he said no, just mad period, but not at me and he said he loved me. So I was relieved that he at least wasn't driving but still pissed about the whole situation.The past couple years, he gets really argumentative when he's drunk- not every time, but a lot. Not just a little friendly debate, I'm talking full on attack of pretty much anything anyone says. And you can't back down or change the conversation- he carries it on and blows it up and turns into a complete prick. I've never seen him get this bad, and it scared me.
He apologized by text message at 4 am:
Carl "I apolo... I can be diff...it just seems everyone believes what they hear and read and I guess I'm guilty 2"
Me "Ok"
Carl "Does it ring true or make sense?"
Me "I get it- I just don't like arguing with you"
So the next morning I found him asleep on the couch- which isn't abnormal. I sent him to bed, he slept late, finally came out and sat by me. Neither of us said much, but we were watching tv so whatever. Sunday night I had asked if he'd come to David's bday dinner and he was very clear that he had no desire to go to a function for someone he doesn't know, and there's no persuading him, so I didn't bother. As I got ready to go to the dinner on Tuesday, I asked if he wanted to come, knowing he didn't, and he actually said yes. I'm pretty sure he knew I was still a little pissed and felt he owed me, rightly so. So, my assumption that he was trying to apologize makes me forgive him...mostly
So I don't know how pissed I am still...
I know that the next time we go out for drinks or to a party, I'll be DD. I usually always am, but he got off late that night and just met me there. He made a point to tell me later that he didn't go drive drunk, cause he knows that's a real issue for me, and I'm certainly thrilled, but that doesn't mean he won't in the future. He's done it before, not just drunk but sloshed. Not in the past couple years, but he also holds his liquor well and sees nothing wrong with driving buzzed, and I do.
But he didn't drive drunk that night, so I'm not mad about that. I'm mad about the way he acted. I need to ask him if he's mad at Lukas now- and if he is, that REALLY pisses me off. So I DON'T want to ask him because I can't make myself ok with that answer. I hate the person he turns into sometimes. When he drinks wine, he's just silly and happy. I don't know if it's beer, or liquor, or just the mass quantity- but I guess ultimately I don't care what the cause is- I just hate the result. But how do I tell him that? How do I make that a productive conversation, not an attack?
And I'm seriously angry still about the things he said, the way he said them, that he could actually think those things. I can't just excuse it because he "wasn't himself." I'm sure he'd defend every point he made, saying it wasn't the alcohol at all. And that pisses me off too.
I don't want to tell him what to do or give him an ultimatum. I just don't want him to treat people like that ever again. I'm more mad about the way he talked to Lukas than the way he talked to me, and he wasn't any softer on me. I'm embarrassed by the way he acted, and that makes me feel like a real bitch, and I hate that I could feel guilty for my feelings about HIS unacceptable behavior.
So I'm stuck...
...except for when Carl got hammered and belligerent and jumped down Lukas' throat, as well as mine, about stupid shit and serious things too- and then stormed out pissed. I tried to go after him, but he was impossible to talk to. I thought he was going to drive drunk, and that not only scared the shit out of me but pissed me off. So I apologized to Lukas for Carl being a dick, and he just laughed- he gets it. When you're closed-minded to begin with, getting shitfaced only amplifies your bullshit. I called Carl when I got home around 3:30, and to my surprise, he answered. He didn't go drive- he took a walk. I asked if he was mad at me and he said no, just mad period, but not at me and he said he loved me. So I was relieved that he at least wasn't driving but still pissed about the whole situation.The past couple years, he gets really argumentative when he's drunk- not every time, but a lot. Not just a little friendly debate, I'm talking full on attack of pretty much anything anyone says. And you can't back down or change the conversation- he carries it on and blows it up and turns into a complete prick. I've never seen him get this bad, and it scared me.
He apologized by text message at 4 am:
Carl "I apolo... I can be diff...it just seems everyone believes what they hear and read and I guess I'm guilty 2"
Me "Ok"
Carl "Does it ring true or make sense?"
Me "I get it- I just don't like arguing with you"
So the next morning I found him asleep on the couch- which isn't abnormal. I sent him to bed, he slept late, finally came out and sat by me. Neither of us said much, but we were watching tv so whatever. Sunday night I had asked if he'd come to David's bday dinner and he was very clear that he had no desire to go to a function for someone he doesn't know, and there's no persuading him, so I didn't bother. As I got ready to go to the dinner on Tuesday, I asked if he wanted to come, knowing he didn't, and he actually said yes. I'm pretty sure he knew I was still a little pissed and felt he owed me, rightly so. So, my assumption that he was trying to apologize makes me forgive him...mostly
So I don't know how pissed I am still...
I know that the next time we go out for drinks or to a party, I'll be DD. I usually always am, but he got off late that night and just met me there. He made a point to tell me later that he didn't go drive drunk, cause he knows that's a real issue for me, and I'm certainly thrilled, but that doesn't mean he won't in the future. He's done it before, not just drunk but sloshed. Not in the past couple years, but he also holds his liquor well and sees nothing wrong with driving buzzed, and I do.
But he didn't drive drunk that night, so I'm not mad about that. I'm mad about the way he acted. I need to ask him if he's mad at Lukas now- and if he is, that REALLY pisses me off. So I DON'T want to ask him because I can't make myself ok with that answer. I hate the person he turns into sometimes. When he drinks wine, he's just silly and happy. I don't know if it's beer, or liquor, or just the mass quantity- but I guess ultimately I don't care what the cause is- I just hate the result. But how do I tell him that? How do I make that a productive conversation, not an attack?
And I'm seriously angry still about the things he said, the way he said them, that he could actually think those things. I can't just excuse it because he "wasn't himself." I'm sure he'd defend every point he made, saying it wasn't the alcohol at all. And that pisses me off too.
I don't want to tell him what to do or give him an ultimatum. I just don't want him to treat people like that ever again. I'm more mad about the way he talked to Lukas than the way he talked to me, and he wasn't any softer on me. I'm embarrassed by the way he acted, and that makes me feel like a real bitch, and I hate that I could feel guilty for my feelings about HIS unacceptable behavior.
So I'm stuck...