That which could be....
Since I have so many thoughts swirling about my head, I figured I might as well write a few of them down - the fact that I haven't posted in so long is of little consequence. I just needed an outlet.
So much is about to change and I know I'm going to have a hard time facing it. I thought I was ready, but now I'm beginning to realize there are some things you can never really be 'ready' for. Everyone keeps trying to reassure me that everything's going to be fine, and on one level I think it will be. I will still be me, but I can't help but feel I'm losing part of myself - some future that will never be.
But maybe it was never meant to be. This isn't really a choice, I have to have the surgery - it's just a matter of when and honestly I'm opting for less suffering as opposed to more. Maybe that's why I feel guilty, I think that's what this is. I think it's plain, old-fashioned guilt.
I'm weighing my comfort more heavily than that of something that could be...but who wouldn't?
So much is about to change and I know I'm going to have a hard time facing it. I thought I was ready, but now I'm beginning to realize there are some things you can never really be 'ready' for. Everyone keeps trying to reassure me that everything's going to be fine, and on one level I think it will be. I will still be me, but I can't help but feel I'm losing part of myself - some future that will never be.
But maybe it was never meant to be. This isn't really a choice, I have to have the surgery - it's just a matter of when and honestly I'm opting for less suffering as opposed to more. Maybe that's why I feel guilty, I think that's what this is. I think it's plain, old-fashioned guilt.
I'm weighing my comfort more heavily than that of something that could be...but who wouldn't?