fic- "Goodbyes Never Said" NCIS/Stargate SG-1, Part 2 of 2
Title: Goodbyes Never Said
Author: CJ aka WritinginCT
Fandom: NCIS/Stargate SG-1
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Ziva David
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Categories: Romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own the recognizable characters I’m just inspired by them. Hopefully they’ve had fun playing in my sandbox.
Note: This is set around late 2005 (which is NCIS season 3, and SG-1 season 9). I am basing Daniel's time line from the series time line, meaning that he didn't get pulled into the Stargate program until 1996.
Summary: A chance encounter in a Washington coffee shop takes Daniel and Ziva back to a time before she was Mossad and before he ever stepped through the Stargate, to the summer they shared and the goodbyes they never said.
Status: Complete 7/23/08 7000 words Part 1 Part 2
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“My first time was in a weapons carrier.” - Ziva in “Trojan Horse”
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Things were a little strained between them in the following week, most of the teasing and humor gone from their interactions. And then news of a bombing in Jerusalem reached the compound.
When Ziva didn't show up for their "lesson", Daniel went looking for her, and found her in the far corner of the compound, a private, secluded area. She had several throwing knives, and over and over she threw them into a thin plank hung on the wall for that purpose. He could see the tears streaming down her face and the angry set to her jaw. Somehow he knew that something had happened, something horrible.
"Ziva?"
She turned away from him and tried to scrub her face with her hand not holding a knife, to hide the evidence of her tears. He stepped behind her and gently put his hands on her shoulders, "Ziva, what's wrong?"
Her voice was small and broken as she replied, "There was a bombing. My cousin was killed. She was only twelve."
The knife in her hand fell to the ground and she turned and buried her face against Daniel's chest. He held her tightly, stroking her hair and not saying anything. They both knew there were no words that could ease the pain caused by such senseless violence.
She asked hesitantly looking up at him with sad eyes, "I need to get away from here for a while, will you come with me?"
He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and replied, "You know I will."
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What he didn't realize when he agreed was that they would be jumping on a motor scooter and ditching the bodyguards that generally accompanied them.
Ziva expertly zipped the scooter in and out of traffic, losing anyone that was potentially following them. When she was satisfied that no one was following them, she headed for a warehouse on the outskirts of the city.
She went around the back of the building and jerked open a rusty electrical box that was simply a decoy covering a modern electronic keypad. She entered a long code and they heard the lock to the back door click open.
Ziva drove the scooter inside and closed the door behind them, the lock automatically catching as it did. The building wasn't very large, and all of the windows had been obscured with old newspaper, making it dark inside. As Daniel's eyes adjusted to the dark he took in his surroundings. Along one wall was a set of simple metal shelves, holding cases of bottled water and what appeared to be military rations. One shelf held a variety of medical supplies. And then on the bottom there were ammo lockers, containing ammunition he assumed. Along the other wall were maps of the world and of the middle east, below them on the floor were wooden crates that he would be willing to bet contained weapons of some sort. In the dead center of the room a weapons carrier was parked. The warehouse was apparently a bunker of some sort.
Ziva ran a hand over the fender of the carrier and said, "My father set this up a long time ago. Just in case."
"Are we supposed to be here, Ziva?"
"There are only a few of us that know about it, do not worry. When my sister Tali died I spent a week here by myself."
She had told him about Tali a few weeks ago when he had asked what prompted her to join Mossad. And he knew that with this latest bombing that she was probably experiencing a fresh wave of grief for her lost sister on top of the grief for her cousin.
They had wandered to the back of the carrier where the back doors were open, and they sat on the edge. Daniel squinted in the dim light and noted that there were what appeared to be tents and sleeping bags stowed toward the front of the carrier. Ziva followed his gaze and explained, "Everything you need to survive in the desert."
She seemed a little lost, and he reached over and took her hand and asked, "Are you okay?"
Ziva met his eyes and replied, "I will be. Things like this just remind me that life can be so very short and things can change in an instant."
Daniel's mind flashed to his parent's death, the instant that link broke and dropped the cover stone his whole life had changed. "I know."
They sat quietly for a while, the sun dipping low into the afternoon sky making the warehouse even dimmer as Ziva asked quietly, "May I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"If we had met differently, am I someone you could have loved?"
His hand cupped her cheek he said honestly, "I think you already are," and the reasonable part of his brain decided that if this were all they could ever have, that he wanted it, and trying to block thoughts of bombs taking her away he leaned in and kissed her.
His were the last words spoken for a very long time. Instead their mouths and their hands carried on a different type of conversation. The air in the building, and especially in the carrier was stagnant and heavy, and tinged with the scent of diesel fuel, and as they wordlessly unrolled a couple of sleeping bags and stripped off the clothing that was already sticking to them in the heat, the scent of diesel was soon forgotten as the combined scent of their own bodies filled the carrier.
It wasn't until the moment that he was first inside her with her legs wrapped around him that he knew. And as he balanced on his elbows, not moving as he tried to let her body accommodate him, he chided with a softness in his eyes, "You should have told me. Did I hurt you?"
She kissed him lightly, "You would not have gone through with it if I had. And, no, you did not hurt me."
He rolled his eyes and teased, "We are in a weapon's carrier, Ziva. You shouldn't have had your first time in a weapon's carrier."
Ziva smirked, "It is perfect. Because I am with you."
He kissed away the smirk, and proceeded to move gently, slowly letting out all the passion he had been holding back all summer.
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Daniel woke with a start in the dark, and it took a moment to orient himself. Ziva was cuddled under his arm, her head on his chest. When she felt him stir she gave him a little squeeze and squirmed around so she could kiss him. Kissing that led to another round of making love, and when they were settling back in to sleep, Ziva teased as she swirled a finger lazily on his chest, "You know, we have plenty of food and water, we could stay here for weeks, just like this." And Daniel would always wonder if she had been kidding or serious.
As the first fingers of the light of dawn started illuminating the warehouse, their bodies found each other once more. The pace was more urgent, less gentle, the frustration of knowing they could never do this again coming out. And when they were through, Daniel held her as she cried, his own jaw clenched solidly as he swallowed back his own emotions.
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They arrived back at the compound with no fanfare. Ziva's father had known full well where they were.
The next few days were quiet for them, they spent as much time as they could together, knowing it was all coming to an end. But it seemed that they couldn't steal any time alone, and Daniel suspected that was her father's doing.
The night before Daniel was supposed to leave, Mr. David invited him to have dinner with he and Ziva. In reality Mr. David used the dinner conversation to test Ziva's language skills. And he was impressed. As they finished their coffee and dessert Mr. David asked to see Daniel in his study.
Once there Mr. David sat in his leather chair behind the desk and opened a drawer, withdrawing an envelope. He dropped it on the desk in front of Daniel, "That is the salary we agreed upon."
There was an edge to Mr. David's tone that was nothing like the initial welcome he had given Daniel at the beginning of the summer. But he replied politely, "Thank you, sir."
He pulled another envelope out of the drawer and dropped it next to the first one, "And the bonus I promised. Her skills do exceed expectation."
"And again, thank you, sir. She really is a good student."
Mr. David raised an eyebrow at that and reached into the drawer for yet a third envelope and dropped it next to the other two, "This is twice what the other two hold."
Daniel was confused, "I'm sorry, sir, what exactly is that for?"
"For you to agree to never see my daughter again."
The bottom fell out of Daniel's stomach, then an image of Ziva's smile gave him a little courage. He pushed his glasses up nervously and said matter-of-factly, "I can't, actually, I won't promise you that, sir. I'm sorry."
Mr. David regarded him for a long moment, his expression guarded, and finally he just nodded once. It was an acknowledgment and a dismissal all in one. Daniel recognized that and scooped up the first two envelopes from the desk and without a word, turned and left.
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Daniel walked around the shadowy grounds, hoping Ziva would see him and join him, but she didn't. He headed into the guest cottage and packed his bags in preparation for leaving the next morning. He finally crawled into bed and forced himself to go to sleep. Somehow he wasn't completely surprised when he felt Ziva slip into bed next to him a couple of hours before dawn. Her fingers on his lips let him know that she didn't want to talk, and she just tucked herself in front of him and let his arms pull her in close.
No one would ever know, especially Daniel, how close Ziva had been to walking away from it all. Turning her back on the bloodshed and violence and simply packing a suitcase and flying out with him back to Egypt where they could lose themselves in the past, in history and tradition. But as she had thought about her cousin and her sister she realized that she had a duty, and if she could prevent even one terrorist bomb from claiming innocent lives then all of her personal sacrifices would be well worth the cost.
As the sun started coming up, Ziva was studying Daniel's face, trying to memorize every detail, when he felt her watching him he opened his eyes and heard her say softly in French, "I am not going to say goodbye, mon professeur, because we will see each other again some day."
"Yes, we will."
She kissed him tenderly and whispered, "Take care of yourself, Daniel."
She started to slip out of bed but he caught her hand, and whispered in return, "Be safe, Ziva," and squeezed her hand.
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She did not see him off when the car came to bring him to the airport. And he hadn't seen her since. Until she walked in to a Washington, D.C. coffee shop eleven years later.
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Jack and Gibbs exchanged a knowing look, neither of them buying that tutoring was what had transpired between the two of them, there was a chemistry between them that was almost tangible. And they knew they had lost them again when Ziva asked Daniel, "So how long are you in Washington?"
Gibbs said to Jack rolling his eyes, "I'm getting coffee."
Jack took one more good look at Daniel, still smiling at Ziva, and said, "I'm with you there."
While they waited in that slow moving line again, Daniel and Ziva migrated over to one of the tall tables and caught each other up on what they were each doing now, well as much as wasn't classified anyway. They talked about their friends, their teammates, and where they were living now. She could see that what ever he had been doing these past years weighed heavily on him, there was a wariness and tension in his eyes that hadn't been there before. Daniel could also tell that Ziva's eyes had more than a hint of a haunted look, whether from things she had simply seen or from things she had done, he didn't know, but whatever they were, they haunted her just the same.
As they tried to find topics that were not classified Ziva finally asked, "Did you ever marry?"
Even after all the years that had passed since Sha're's abduction and her later death, Daniel couldn't keep the flash of pain from crossing his face, and he answered quietly, "I did. She, ah, she died almost six years ago."
Ziva winced, "I am sorry."
It was his turn, "So what about you? Married? Kids? Any of that fun stuff?"
"No. The life of a Mossad officer is not exactly conducive to long term relationships." There was note of pain in her voice as she said it.
"I'm sorry."
She met his eyes and asked sadly, "We have changed haven't we?"
He nodded, "I think it was inevitable."
They both grew quiet, neither wanting to think about things that might have been, not wanting to think about all of those they lost along the way, and not wanting to remember what they used to be like before they started carrying the burdens they choose to bear. They knew they weren't the same people who didn't say goodbye so many years ago, but there was no going back, their worlds so far removed from each other they would just never meet. Their conversation lapsed and thankfully Jack and Gibbs arrived with coffees in hand.
Jack looked at his watch and said, "I hate to break up this little reunion, but we've got a meeting."
Daniel nodded, "Yeah. Um, Ziva..." he pulled a pen and a piece of paper out of his pocket and scribbled frantically, "...this is how to find me. Maybe we go to dinner or something before I leave."
She smiled, albeit a little on the brittle side, "Perhaps."
Jack and Gibbs shook hands and said their goodbyes and Ziva's words echoed another time as she gave Daniel's hands a tight squeeze, "Take care of yourself, Daniel."
He squeezed hers back and replied, "Be safe, Ziva."
Jack and Daniel turned and walked out and Ziva and Gibbs watched them go. Before they reached the last window, Daniel turned and met Ziva's eyes one final time. Without hesitation she thrust her coffee at Gibbs and bolted outside. "Daniel."
Daniel had stopped walking when he saw her, through the window, run out of the shop. And he met her halfway now. "Ziva?"
She hugged him fiercely, and as she fought her emotions she whispered, "I never said goodbye. Not ever. I want you to know that."
He held her and stroked her hair and it was so reminiscent of a time long past he could almost smell the flowers in her father's compound. His own voice was low and full of longing for that simpler time as he said, "Neither did I. And we're not going to say it now."
They pulled back and she nodded, and in a move that had both Jack and Gibbs smirking, she pulled him in by his lapels and kissed him. It was long and slow and deep and left Daniel with a befuddled look on his face that took Jack back to Abydos when Sha're had done that very same thing.
With a final stroke of her hair and a smile, Daniel turned and walked away, without saying goodbye.
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the end.